Sunday, June 17, 2007

No ice cream for the weak

You wouldn't think children would need to be pressured into eating ice cream, but here's the proof.

Announcer: "A young lad approaches a Cold Stone Creamery."

"Young lad?" Yeah, there's some terminology that'll resonate with the youth market. "A smart-mouthed whippersnapper approaches a soda fountain and slaps a nickel on the counter! 'One egg cream, please,' the young lad says!"

Announcer: "Inside, he sees the bogeyman; the monster in his closet; the monster under his bed; and broccoli."

Ha ha! Kids hate vegetables! It's funny because it's true!

Ignoring the broccoli for a minute, what were all those monsters doing hanging out in the Cold Stone Creamery anyway?

Bed Monster: Yeah, my favorite is the Cookie Mintster. It's pretty great. Plus the name is kind of a nice coincidence, you know?
Closet Monster: Gotta agree with you there, Bill. Mint has to be one of the most underrated ice cream flavors.
Bogeyman: So what are you guys thinking for tonight?
Closet Monster: I was thinking, I start creeping out, and then as he's trying to look away and pretend I don't exist, Bogeyman pops up at the window and Bed Monster, you come out so he can see you in the mirror on the closet door. It's like an attack on all fronts, he'll be scared shitless!
Bogeyman: Why do you always get to do the creeping out?
Closet Monster: Look, I didn't ask to be born a closet monster. It's just what happened. We're natural creepers, Larry!
Bogeyman: Selfish asshole.
Bed Monster: Hey, you guys, look outside... that's not him, is it?
Closet Monster: Shit, it is! We can't run into him outside of work! I thought you said this place was safe!
Bed Monster: I assumed it was! Where is he getting the money for five dollars' worth of ice cream?
Bogeyman: Oh, damn, here he comes... just act casual.

Announcer: "Will the insatiable draw of Birthday Cake Remix give him the strength to open the door?"

Cold Stone Creamery: It's not for pussies!


Tyler said...

Where are that kid's parents? Sure, just let him walk around wherever he wants.

Also, adding the word "remix" to the name of a product does not make it cool.

Quivering P. Landmass said...

What about Sobe's new "Extreme Egg Cream Remix"?