Wednesday, June 6, 2007

The herpes of liqueurs

This one isn't new, but I just found the video on YouTube, so how could I resist?

Let's see if we can find the many, many problems here.

Bartender: "Disaronno sour, Disaronno martini."

Last time I checked, Disaronno was a brand of amaretto. Fun fact: martinis are made with gin or, if you have to be that way, vodka. Among the many things that real martinis are not made with: amaretto.

Woman: "Disaronno on the rocks."
Bartender [impressed and/or aroused for no discernible reason]: "Disaronno on the rocks, coming up."

"Whoa, you're drinking amaretto with nothing but ice? You must be some kind of connoisseur! Also, even though I've apparently been pouring nothing but Disaronno all night, your request for it has given me a serious rod."

Voice-over [creepily seductive]: "Disaronno's warm and sensual taste makes you wish it would never end."

I... guess? It's fucking amaretto. You can get amaretto flavoring poured right into your coffee these days, and even in the middle of Milano cookies. So it's right up there with mint and orange among flavors of true distinction.

I don't even know how this got past the censors, since the end of the ad features the most thinly-veiled blow job reference in commercial history, with the woman killing her glass in about four seconds and then sucking every last drop of amaretto off the ice cubes. Lady, I think you may have a drinking problem. But just in case you thought the ad wasn't entirely about sex, your tagline:

Voice-over [much more firmly]: "Disaronno. Pass the pleasure around."

Get wiped on amaretto and fuck your peer group! I know the kids have all these terms I'm not familiar with, but I didn't think that "pleasure" was the new slang for "genital warts."


Quivering P. Landmass said...

Gotta love the payoff scene - everyone imitates the girl's move with the ice cube. "Let's all pretend to give the bartender a hummer!"

c12h22o11 said...

Wow, I never noticed that they were all sucking the ice cubes before. I thought they were just all having a fakey good time.

This commercial used to be on at least once every break on Season 1 of Queer Eye, which should tell you how old it is, and why haven't they updated since then, seriously? It does go a long way towards explaining the bartender's big puffy hair and man-tan, though.

Anonymous said...

Well to heck with you guys. I think she's totaly hot. And she can suck on my Disarono covered "ice cube" any time she wants to! :P

But she's wasting her time. The bartender is a fag.