Sunday, January 3, 2010

It's not a good commercial, it's DiGiorno

What is it about pizza commercials and torturing the shit out of their premises?

[Couples playing a game; doorbell rings]
Husband: "Honey, the pizza guy."
Wife: "Sure."

Sure. Because they ordered pizza. That is the only reason for anyone to respond this way.

Pizza Guy: "Me again!"
Wife: "Okay, now this is the last time, all right?"
Pizza Guy: "Thanks! You know, we don't deliver anything like this, this crispy flatbread..." [bites into pizza, has orgasm]

Oh, they didn't order pizza - apparently the pizza guy loves DiGiorno pizza so much that he keeps showing up at this one house. Editorializing much, DiGiorno? The idea that people couldn't tell a frozen pizza from delivery was already a bit of a stretch, but "no pizzeria in America delivers pizza comparable in its deliciousness to ours?" Back right the fuck up.

Also, just add layers to the stupidity of the general concept. How did he even know they had this pizza? If they're making DiGiorno I'm assuming they never called for even one pizza from "Vinny's," so what brought this guy to their door in the first place? One of those animated aroma waves that turns into a beckoning hand when it reaches you? Second, if you don't want to give the guy pizza, stop answering the door. And who is this fucking moocher? "Hey, uh, I know what you guys have in there can be bought in any store, but... I'm just going to keep ringing until you give it to me for free."

Finally, the whole "even people who work for other companies prefer our food!" thing has always driven me kind of crazy as a tactic. Because who cares? Why is that supposed to matter? This guy can't eat his own pizzeria's pizza every day of his life. And even if DiGiorno pizza is just that good, it's probably not so good that I'd never want to eat anything else. (It's actually a lot like the ad I linked to at the beginning. What, exactly, is wrong with the sub guy wanting to eat somewhere other than his own store? He probably eats there all the time. I know the point the ads are trying to make, but it's just lazy.)

I mean, if you're going to insist on making annoying, stupid ads - and I'm sure companies will, which is just as well, lest this site lose its entire raison d'ĂȘtre - couldn't the plot of the ad at least make some goddamn sense? Why even spend money on writers and actors if you can't bother with that? At this point they might as well just go back to the Bulova watch face. Which is more likely to get you to the store, this annoying nonsense or a ten-second clip of a nice-looking pizza being pulled out of the oven with a voice saying "It's DiGiorno time!" Yeah, me too.