Kids do love yelling

As with most commercials almost undoubtedly conceived and written by fortysomething ad executives, this Dunkin Donuts ad plays like something that was thought up by someone who didn't know any teenagers, but did watch a couple minutes of MTV for research purposes.



Unfortunately for our hypothetical ad exec - let's call him "Fred Harris" - he happened to turn on MTV during their "Run Old Limp Bizkit Videos" hour. Thus, he was left with the following list of things that he thought kids liked:

* Screaming
* Listening to loud music
* Destruction of property

That night at dinner, Fred discussed his commercial idea with his family:

Fred: ...so, based on the ideas I gleaned from that "MTV" channel, I decided that the commercial should center around destroying things by ripping them in half. It's going to be things that humans couldn't normally rip in half, either. That'll show the awesome energy provided by the Sobe Coolatta.
Mary (Fred's wife): I don't know, dear. It seems awfully aggressive. And is that really going to sustain an entire 45-second commercial, just showing things that have been ripped in half?
Fred: Mary, you don't understand the ad business. It's going to be a bunch of different things that have been ripped in half. Mattresses, basketball hoops, cars...
Billy (Fred's 15-year-old son): Dad, that sounds stupid. Me and my friends don't even like Dunkin Donuts.
Fred: Don't you call my job stupid, you little punk. You ever wonder what's putting that food on your plate?
Mary: Fred, calm down.
Billy: I'm just saying, Dad! Limp Bizkit hasn't been popular for like, six years.
Fred: No, you listen to me! This Durst kid is tapping into the spirit of the American teenager, okay? I've seen the future, and its soundtrack is "Break Stuff!" Except that we're going to write a song that's similar to that, called "Rip Things in Half," and use that. A lot cheaper that way.
Billy: Dad, no one even listens to music like that anymore! And speaking of a lot cheaper, why would I shell out for a whole Coolatta when I can just get a bottle of Mountain Dew?
Fred: Because Dew isn't going to help you RIP STUFF IN HALF! That's what kids like! Ripping things in half! Destruction! Yelling!
Billy: God, you're so embarrassing.
Mary: Fred, how many free coolattas did Dunkin Donuts give you at the meeting?
Fred: I don't know, I think I had four or five. Why do you ask?