Sunday, July 15, 2007

Silliness or Laziness?

SoBe is making some questionable commercials. This brief 15 second offering sadly fits right into their realm of the bizarre and silly:

Lunchlady: We got fried eggs, fried cheese, fried beans, fried potatoes, fried bacon...

Ok, we get it, there's some unhealthy food served out there. Particularly during school lunches. But I really don't think they're serving mozzarella sticks at school cafeterias. "Fried potatoes" are usually called fries, and "fried bacon" is a little bit redundant (unless you're baking it, or using the microwaveable variety.) But these are small quibbles, and this list is mostly reasonable.

Lunchlady: ... fried butter

Fried butter? Seriously? I mean, come on, Americans eat a lot of fatty shit, but not even the most backwoods sippy hole race has a "Fried Butter" concession stand.

This would be like PowerBar running an ad that went, "Sick of eating Crisco straight from the tub? Try a PowerBar!" Hey, SoBe Life Water - you're a fluid health product. You do not get to pretend like you're a substitute good for a greasy solid food product, much less one that you just made up and is completely disgusting.

Voiceover: Find your healthy place (girl jumps into giant bottle of tangerine Life Water.)

Good lord - I really hope that's amniotic fluid inside that bottle, or she is going to drown. I don't care how much she enjoys fluttering around in there, that image really claustrophobes me the hell out. Imagine, in your last seconds, gallons of undoubtedly fake-tasting tangerine death water rushing into your lungs, staring at the backside of a SoBe logo - what if the last thing that went through your mind was kids ripping mattresses in half?

Voiceover: SoBe Life Water. Rich in antioxidants.

What do antioxidants have to do with the rest of this commercial? Isn't it oddly specific considering how sloppy and disjointed the set-up is? Antioxidants are useful in helping to prevent cancer and heart disease. I think what you might need after chowing down on some state fair-grade fried butter is Tums, or something to settle your stomach. In fact, you don't even need to gorge on fried foods to feel queasy - just watching a SoBe commercial seems to do the trick.


Windier E. Megatons said...

The thing that bugged me about this ad is the suggestion that water be used as a substitute for a meal. Sure, all the fried foods in the cafeteria aren't very good for you, but how about, I don't know, bringing a healthy lunch to school? The implication that a bottle of water is an acceptable lunch isn't just problematic, it's potentially dangerous.

Quivering P. Landmass said...

Agreed. It's part of a nutritional lunch, maybe. But a lunch in and of itself? No.

How would you even fry butter anyway? Wouldn't it just melt immediately upon immersion into boiling oil?