I'm free, to do what my bank wants

The Rolling Stones make good music. Chase makes good music painful:



Okay, so that's Fatboy Slim's remix of the Stones song "I'm Free," but it's still a nauseatingly repetitive bore-fest. You know what sells me on a product? One musical lick, played over and over again, until I feel like I've just been brainwashed Clockwork Orange-style. That makes me want to do whatever the commercial tells me.

Then, there's the product message:

It's time to feel free. With the new Chase Freedom.

I'm free to do what I want, y'all! I'm free to choose "Cash Back", or, alternatively, I'm free to choose "travel." Man, you mean with this credit card I get to choose one thing or another thing? Next you're going to tell me I'm free to choose among three options, or, and this is really insane, four options. My god, imagine having to make a choice. Imagine having more than one option within a decision set. Where would I even begin? Is there anything else I'm free to do with this new Jeffersonian credit card?

Well, apparently I'm free to pay 14.24% variable APR for Elite Pricing on my balance. I'm also free to pay 28.24% variable APR on cash advances. Awesome. Those are the kinds of unalienable freedoms this country was built on. Someone put a call into the ACLU -- Chase deserves some kind of freedom medal.

That's freedom. That's Chase Freedom.

If "Chase Freedom" means "Channel Changing Freedom," I'm with you.