Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Shopping Mall Cowboys

Your typical diamond commercial usually pressures men into buying jewelry for sexual benefit, best illustrated in cartoon form here. Zales' Valentine's Day spot from last year takes a different, more indirect approach:

Are these guys supposed to be men's men? Because that is the weakest, most delicate-sounding high five ever caught on tape. Consider this: these guys are high fiving each other because they saw the other one carrying a tiny black plastic bag. I guess the first guy was thinking, "Dude, that guy totally got his wife something at Zales, too! What should I do? Kiss him right on the face? Nah, a little too obvious. Maybe I'll give him just a vaguely homoerotic wave, then slap him some skin in front of a crowded mall for apparently no reason."

I also love when retailers make an ad that tries to sell just one particular product, in this case the relatively tacky Diamond Heart Pendant. Basically what this commercial is trying to say is:

"Have no idea what to get your lady friend for Valentine's Day? Want to spend a lot of money without having to think about stuff? Get something with a lot of shitty-quality diamonds that's shaped like a heart. Hearts mean you love her!"

I mean, yeah, it's diamonds, but it's $200 worth of diamonds. Who would buy something like that? A rugged, stubbly, high-fivin', mini-bag-carryin' manly man, that's who.

"Zales - Yee-haw."

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