Diet Dr. Pepper's ads have long been a little... odd. For a while, the jingle ran, "I want more, more, more, of that Dr. Pepper flavor I've been looking for." You know how you might get that? Regular Dr. Pepper. Then it was "Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like regular Dr. Pepper!" More like it than what? You know what tastes most like it? Regular Dr. Pepper.
Um... what? There's another one in this series I couldn't find online where a six-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper actually walks across the grocery store to the "dessert aisle," because its taste is so "rich and decadent." What? Look, I realize that the comparison being made is mostly to other diet sodas, and yes, it's true that among diet sodas, Diet Dr. Pepper is near the top as far as closest facsimiles of the regular product. But let's not go fucking crazy here. Diet soda is not fooling anyone into thinking it's the same thing as eating a cupcake. It is not "decadent." No one is going to be all, "I'm cheating on my diet! This is so rich and sweet, it must be loaded with calories!" *turns can around* "Oh my God!!!!" Even regular Dr. Pepper is not "rich" or "decadent." It's pop, for crap's sake. It's not a five-dollar truffle or a slice of Black Forest cake. It's not a double-thick chocolate milkshake or two scoops of chocolate chip ice cream smothered in hot fudge. It's a goddamn can of pop. Calm the hell down.