Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Art of Subtlety

This dog has a bit of an idee fixe, can you tell what it is?

Clearly, this puppy is concerned about people's ass comfort. But are these situations really all that painful? Let us take a look at a couple of these peoples' positions that are just freaking this dog out:

People sitting on a ledge

Really? Doesn't seem that bad. Sitting on a stone ledge is a novelty -- it's better than, say, taking a seat on a pitchfork.

A kid squatting on a soccer ball

Actually, this wouldn't cause much ass pain. It might, however, be difficult to balance.

Someone falling while roller-blading

I'll give them the falling down thing. But, isn't falling down from roller-blading a more gluteal kind of pain, rather than the inner-ass pain you get from wiping with one-ply TP?

Family riding a see-saw

This is supposed to be a fun activity, and any posterior discomfort should be mitigated by the overall enjoyment of the ride.

A seated statue

FYI to Cottonelle: Statues do not feel pain.

Look, I appreciate the fact that you have to dance around certain subjects when you're advertising a personal care product like toilet paper. Clearly, other companies are guilty of the same approach. But having a puppy fetishisticly obsess over minor butt pain? The first time I saw this ad, I had no idea what the commercial was for until it ended. After I found out what it was for, I had no idea what the puppy's mission had to do with the "be kind to your behind" message.

Then there's the dog himself. Why did we need to give a perfectly adorable puppy such a cloyingly tacky voiceover? I can't find the "Mute" button fast enough when this commercial comes on. If you want to show a puppy because he's cute and soft, like your toilet paper, fine with me. But, for cripe's sake, don't make him out to be some butt perv -- just mention that your product won't tear up my ass, and let's get on with our lives.


Tyler said...

I too did not know where this ad was going until the end. I thought it was going to be an ad for beanbag chairs there for a second, but that made me wonder if there was a company known for beanbag chairs. Also a possibility I was thinking of during the early scenes: the world's friendliest hemorrhoid cream commercial.

I still don't necessarily get the need for the dog as the device to link the multiple ass-pain scenarios together. I guess random narration might have looked even worse.

Windier E. Megatons said...

A human and a puppy are going to the bathroom in a park. The puppy says, "I'm concerned! Your toilet paper doesn't seem soft, like me!"

So the man wipes his ass with the puppy.