Saturday, January 19, 2008

Advertising from 40,000 feet, Part the Whatever

I have a feeling SkyMall knows how easy it is to make fun of them. Other sites lampoon their products, too. So, I don't feel bad about these kind of posts. Without further ado....

Ohhh. Yes, please do. Let's take a look at some of these catalog items to see what we can use that thoughtful gift certificate on....


Do you crave the delicious taste of convenience store food without the inconvenient drive?

So glad this is finally available. I often cook 8 hot dogs at a time and think to myself, "Why can't there be a easier, goofier way to do this?"

1950s diner-style dogs roll in from the past!

So... this is some kind of culinary time machine, too? Or does it come with relic hot dogs from the 1950's?


Do you suffer from muscle tension? Try our patented Neckpro Traction Device, new from Kevorkian Home Solutions Enterprises....

"Noooo! Don't significantly reduce neck pain, Harold! You have so much to live for!"


SkyMall has delivered us from the indignity of getting hammered on luke-warm alcohol....

Nothing goes down smoother than an ice-cold shot of your favorite liquor.

Nothing. That shot's going down smoother than a Sig Ep's pickup line. Even mineral water is going to taste like hot tar compared to fifteen-degree SoCo, baby.

Features LED illumination for an eye-catching bottle display.

And you'll be too shit-faced to notice that the eye-catching bottle display is upside down.

Simply attach your bottle of choice and let the liquor drop to a temperature colder than ice

Gee, sounds even simpler than placing your bottle of choice into your freezer, which would have the same effect.

Does the name "Lil' Chill Shot" sounds a little too like a Polly Pocket toy for something that could dispense 190-proof Everclear at a frat party?


Reality check: This man is unironically wearing a neon electric guitar-emblazoned jump suit....

Day-omn. That dude is getting the lad-ies! I hope they have baby blue Smurf Jammerz in adult sizes, too.


For the high-street man-about-town with more than one, but fewer than six, designer timepieces....
Protect Your Expensive Watches...
.... by placing them in this easy-to-steal, convenient carrying case for the burglar with an eye for fine wrist-wear.

Looks great on dresser, too.

Sometimes even SkyMall simply runs out of things to say. "Looks great next to clarinet case in late afternoon sunlight on a windowsill of a Connecticut farm house."


So, still not sure what to do with that SkyMall gift certificate? When faced with the choice between worthless crap, and hilarious worthless crap, I think the only thing to do is: regift the gift certificate.


Tyler said...

These are my two favorite new additions to SkyMall:

Sure to make any house a home.

Windier E. Megatons said...

I think if I walked into someone's house and saw that T-Rex thing on the wall, I would immediately turn around and walk out.

c12h22o11 said...

It evokes the warm, cozy atmosphere of "A Sound of Thunder."