The GrubHub ads on the CTA have really been getting more and more questionable. They started off depicting people pleased with the fact that they can order food from just about anywhere. That's fine. Then they turned a corner with one that showed what was clearly intended to be a post-coital couple in bed, with the woman's toplessness blocked only by her laptop as she declared her desire for "something spicy!" A bit much, but I guess workable. But now... there's this.
I really don't know how many times I can keepsayingthis. But I guess I'll try again anyway.
Ahem.
THINKING ABOUT THE FOOD I'M ABOUT TO EAT AS THE PRODUCT OF A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP IS NOT APPETIZING.
I mean, this just doesn't seem like that hard of a concept. I don't care how phallic hot dogs already are - I don't need an ad for your food-related service that shows a hot dog attempting to bed a hot dog bun, with the bun thinking "I hope he brought condiments!" That is gross. Surely there is no one out there who sees this ad and thinks, "Oh man, that hot dog and bun are about to GET IT ON!!! Shit, I just got hungry."
Yes, I know it's supposed to be a joke. Ha ha, hot dogs kind of look like penises! And the word "condiment" sounds like the word "condom!" The phrase "do it" could be a generic description of performing an action, but it could also refer to fucking!!!
But even if it were funny - and it's not - it's utterly lazy and just wrong for the product in question. Look, I'm capable of enjoying sex-themed jokes. But they have their place and this ain't it. All I see is an online menu service making a cheap fuck joke because they think it'll make their brand seem cool. "Oh man, can you believe what GrubHub got away with putting in the train station?" Is that really as high as our standards are?
(1) Having an abnormally large ass (2) Having a sex tape (3) Having an unwatchable reality show about her annoying family (4) Dating NFL "star" Reggie Bush
If you can think of how one of those connects to salad, I'm all ears.
This is, of course, the same company that figured Paris Hilton washing a car was a good way to sell a hamburger, or that professional mannequin Audrina Patridge was a good spokesperson. I'm not necessarily surprised that their latest pitch involves a more or less attractive woman who really should not be famous at all. That's apparently their thing. But that doesn't make it any less annoying.
Kim Kardashian: "I'm such a neat freak. Everything's gotta be clean, crisp and tasty."
What? This copy makes no sense. Also, what kind of neat freak fucking eats a salad in bed and/or with their fingers? Fuck you, Carl's Jr. ad writers.
Also, when your pitchwoman is most famous for having a sex tape, do you really want to go here:
Oh, you do? Okay. Mmm, jizzed-on apples. Delicious.
(To go off-topic for just a minute, here's an underrated fact about the whole sex tape thing: neither Kim Kardashian nor her sex-tape paramour Ray J were particularly famous. Usually people notice/care about sex tapes when they star people who are already famous, like Pamela Anderson or Rob Lowe. But Kardashian and Ray J were not really famous. If anything, they both had small amounts of fame, but only for having connections to much more famous people; Kardashian was a socialite friend of Paris Hilton's - someone else whose fame springs heavily from a sex tape - and Ray J is the brother of singer Brandy. Then they made a sex tape and somehow both of them got TV shows out of it. The math on that is a little weird, right? But I digress.)
Kim: "And while the best things in life are messy..."
Uh... I don't even know what to say about this. Let's just move on.
Kim: "It's fun to get clean." [gets into bathtub]
This is basically nudity-free pornography at this point, isn't it? How can the FCC even justify letting Carl's Jr. run this on television? On the one hand, okay, there's certainly no nudity or bad language, and you could argue that any children who are young enough such that this ad is "inappropriate" for them simply won't see the innuendo in things like a drop of glistening translucent salad dressing falling within inches of Kim Kardashian's cleavage.
On the other hand, the dialogue makes no sense and is completely inconsistent. As a result, the ad can't claim to be doing anything other than trying to sell a salad by introducing sex into the mix. Why, here comes the tagline:
Announcer: "Who said salads can't be hot?"
Well, I can't say I would recommend eating a fully-dressed salad (a) in bed, (b) in the bathtub, or (c) with your fingers. So if that's what it takes to make a salad "hot," I guess I'm saying salads can't be hot.
Announcer: "The new Cranberry Apple Walnut Grilled Chicken Salad... one of three new premium salads at Carl's Jr."
Wait a minute. You would have to assume that an ad like this is built to appeal to men (specifically heterosexual men). And what they're selling is a cranberry apple walnut salad? Not to stereotype, but come on, that is approximately the least manly salad imaginable. This ad, which implicitly compares a woman eating an apple slice to oral sex, cannot possibly be aimed at women, even though they are the clear market for such a salad. The burger commercials at least made sense from this standpoint - the guys watching can (theoretically) drool over the hot chick in the bikini while also getting excited for the enormous burger she's eating.
But this is a salad. The kind of guy who is watching an ad like this and thinking about going to Carl's Jr. because he likes big butts and cannot lie is probably not the kind of guy who is going to Carl's Jr. for a salad. And even if he were, making your salad dressing visually recall semen is not the way to get him in the door.
This is just gross. Is White Castle just trying to think of as many different ways as they can to make me not want anything to do with their food? (To be fair, it's White Castle; they don't need to try all that hard.)
First problem: equating your primary ingredient with an exotic dancer. Worse yet, an exotic dancer in a furry costume. Does White Castle know that there is a group of people out there who find women in pig costumes erotic? Maybe that's just the demographic this ad is trying to cater to. "If you like fucking a chick dressed like a pig, you'll love eating our pulled pork sandwich." Natural leap from one to the other, right? Also weird: the mobile, sentient bag, presumably scouting the strip club for "fresh meat."
That might not even have been so bad if not for the way White Castle pours on the comparisons to sex. Maybe I could have dismissed it as a goofy attempt at humor, but no: here comes the seductive voiceover. I like barbecue sauce, but I can't think of anything that makes me less interested in it than describing it as "come-hither" and "oh so naughty." Hey. White Castle. You make food. You do not make lingerie, marital aids or ED medication. You aren't a chain of shady massage parlors, you aren't a gentleman's club, you aren't even a Westin. You sell food. And when I think of food, I don't want to be thinking about how that food wants me to fuck it.
Even if this ad weren't gross, it's a ridiculous overstatement. Barbecue sauce is naughty? Oh shit, barbecue sauce! Man, this is fucking sinful! I can't believe I'm putting barbecue sauce on something! Especially not on pulled pork, which is only served with barbecue sauce by everyone in existence who serves pulled pork, because that's how pulled pork comes in this country! Go to the head of the class, White Castle, because you are some fucking trendsetters.
Right here is where I'd normally do some bit about "what would happen if other food products advertised like this," but just click the "disgusting sexualization of food" tag at the bottom of this post. There's no more need for satire; there are already ads out there far worse than anything I could come up with. And it's not just food, it's ads in general. I understand that sex sells, but aren't there limits? I'll buy using sex in an ad for Viagra, or even for something like a car. But a woman (I assume) in a pig costume getting drenched in barbecue sauce on a club stage is going to make me hungry for the dead, cooked, actual-pig equivalent? How about a guy dressed as a cow getting hit from above with an enormous square of American cheese? A woman dressed as a chicken getting splashed with egg and pelted with bread crumbs? You're telling me your stomach isn't rumbling right now?
You know what this is? It's the food equivalent of Isabella Rossellini's "Green Porno" series. I have never seen a clip of that show and thought, "Man, I feel like having some sex now." And I don't see this White Castle ad and get hungry. It makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and throw out all the barbecue sauce in my refrigerator before it gets any ideas.
I saw a version of this ad on TV and thought it was dumb, but not horrible. However, I didn't see the version linked by an anonymous commenter on our last post. Dear God.
What is the thinking behind an ad like this? I mean, I guess if you read the YouTube comments there are a lot of people who think it's hilarious, but what awful commercial isn't that true of?
Oven: "Scott, I want you to do something." Scott: "Not doing that again. That burned." Oven: "We both enjoyed that."
Hey, how can we shoot this so that it has absolutely no alternate explanation whatsoever? What if Scott were to look down at his crotch as he delivers his line? That should do it.
Oven: "Now I want you to introduce my greatest creation, the new Toasty Torpedo." Scott: "The new Toasty Torpedo?"
Dude. You are holding one in your hand! You are in the process of eating it! How do you not know what it is? On the other hand, this guy stuck his wang into a 400-degree oven. He's probably not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Oven: "Yes, Scott. You make one." Scott: "Me?"
Yeah, pretty stupid. There's no one else around, idiot. And thank God for you there isn't, or you'd probably get fired for ejaculating into a machine used for food preparation.
Oven: "Put it in me, Scott."
Can they even air this? Jesus. This makes that Arby's hat-boner ad look like it was made in 1890s Vienna. Why would you make an ad like this? Most of the people who think it's soooo hilarious probably would have tried the sub anyway; meanwhile, I can tell you that I was tempted to try it... until I saw this ad. Now you can fucking forget it. Because if I'm going out for a sandwich, I don't have any desire to think of my lunch as a surrogate penis. For that matter, I don't want to think of the oven that's heating my lunch as a sentient being that derives sexual pleasure from sandwiches going through it.
Oven: "It's over a foot of Quizno's flavor on slim, sleek ciabatta for only four dollars. Say it, Scott." Scott: "Only four dollars?" Oven: "Say it sexy."
God, enough. Real subtle hand pushing the sandwich into the wrapper, also. I'm going to ask again: why do you want me to associate your sandwich with a penis? Is this really going to be good for business?
The version that I saw aired is also the version that you find if you go to the website to "take the test" as the ad dictates. In it, Scott says "I'm not rubbing you with that shammy again," and doesn't look down at his own mangled junk. That's fine. And the oven says "I'm waiting for it" instead, which is still kind of gross but more excusable in context. Even the "say it sexy" line (changed to "say it with passion") might have been forgivable if they'd just done it that way. But no, they had to "get people talking," so they did a whole version in which the sandwich they want you to eat is the product of a filthy, secret relationship between the oven and this dude. No thanks.
Having talking spokescharacters can get a little weird if the characters are items of the food product you're selling, and using sex to sell candy creeps me out. So when M&Ms manages to make an ad that goes wrong in both of these ways? I'm not a fan.
There are about a million ways this is wrong. Let's enumerate just a few of them:
1. The attempted sexuality of the bare legs and high heels. 2. The purring, bedroom-voice voice-over. 3. The horrible "seductive poses." 4. The wink. 5. The fact that an M&M is eating other M&Ms.
Why, M&Ms? Why do you think it makes sense to sell your product with creepy, utterly repulsive "sexually appealing" candy? Your audience is not made up of M&Ms (even if it were, M&Ms quite clearly lack genitalia, so I fail to see how they would put their desire into action). Your audience is humans, and humans don't want to have sex with M&Ms. Therefore, you do not need your main spokescharacter to be a "sexy" M&M; really, there's no such thing, in spite of how you pretend otherwise.
Now yes, I'm aware of the longstanding rumor (spread by complete idiots) that green M&Ms serve as some sort of aphrodisiac. And I'm also aware that M&Ms started to use the "sexy" female green M&M to play on that (only, what, two decades behind the curve of the urban legend). But if you're going to do that? You use sexy humans and regular green M&Ms. You do not use sexy M&Ms. This would still be terrible - because when I think of sex, I do not think of M&Ms - but at least it doesn't make me think that you think I want to fuck your candy.
The cannibalism subplot of this ad is underrated, by the way. This is the same company that ran a surprisingly sadistic ad ten years ago in which Diedrich Bader mockingly consumes Crispy M&M's entire family while Crispy watches helplessly; now, however, it's apparently okay for new M&M brands to be eaten, even by existing M&M brands. Unless that's really why the other M&Ms are staring at the end of the ad. "I can't believe she ate Jerry in cold blood! I mean, in cold chocolate! Just right down the hatch! Also, do we even have digestive tracts? Where do you think he went?"
If you read this blog regularly, you'll know by now that ads by the agency Crispin Porter + Bogusky - specifically their ads for Burger King - have a tendency to get our goat. Why? Well, there's just something about an agency that seems to focus on every unpalatable aspect of television advertising - and seems to refrain from actually selling a product whenever possible - that really gets under our skin. Unsurprisingly, their Whopper Junior ads are not what you would call an exception to this rule.
Yes, that is all the Whopper Junior ads in one go. I had hoped only to write about one in particular, which I saw on TV the other night and which profoundly disgusted me, but I couldn't find it individually and hey, it's not like the other ads in the series were any better. Let's go.
Whopper Dad: "You can't sell yourself for a buck, Junior." Whopper Jr.: "Why not?" Whopper Dad: "Because as long as you live in my house, you'll live by my rules, you got it?" [Mom sighs heavily while the daughter disinterestedly pokes at her cell phone] Whopper Jr.: "I thought Burger King was the home of the Whopper." Whopper Dad: "Oh, what is that supposed to mean?" Whopper Jr.: "All my life you've been off being America's favorite burger, and now you want to come home and be Dad? No!" Whopper Dad: "You get back here! Get back here!" Whopper Jr.: "I wish I'd never been broiled!"
Mmmm. Nothing makes me hungrier for a hamburger than, uh, a nice awkward family tiff. (The 15-second version, which airs much more frequently, conveniently edits out almost all of that nonsense.) Also, does it seem odd that the "you are a talking hamburger instead of a person" gene appears to be resident on the Y chromosome? How exactly did this work that a hamburger and a woman had a male hamburger kid and a female human kid? (Ridiculous nitpicking? Maybe. But how hard would it have been to scrounge up two more hamburger costumes?) And shame on this ad for making me think about hamburger sex (although - spoiler alert - it only gets worse from here).
Also, the "America's Favorite Burger" claim dates back to a 1999 survey in which 33% of 700 respondents said the Whopper was their favorite burger. 700 people? Is that enough to proclaim yourself America's Favorite Burger when McDonald's leads in market share? Whatever. Next ad.
Whopper Jr.: "I'm just saying that with me, you always have it your way." Girl: [giggles] Whopper Jr.: "'Cause girl, I am made to order." [Whopper Dad bursts in] Whopper Jr.: "What the- Dad! Don't you knock?" Whopper Dad: "What's going on? First you're selling yourself for a buck, and now this?"
Was that girl going to devour him, or have sex with him? And did he sell himself to her for a buck? Whopper Jr.: adding some prostitution to the BK value menu.
Whopper Jr.: "Stop treating me like I'm on the kids menu!" Whopper Dad: "You get your buns downstairs right now!" Whopper Jr.: "Eat me."
Oh, the hilarious plays on words that result when you are a hamburger and also kind of a person. Next.
Whopper Dad: "Junior, now that you're selling yourself for a buck, you're going to meet a lot of girls."
For the record, this was the one that I found really, really gross. Also, another allusion to male prostitution here, I'd say.
Whopper Jr.: "What?" Whopper Dad: "When a Whopper loves a woman, they... boy... mix up their... sauces and stuff..." Whopper Jr.: "Oh, Dad, please, stop!"
My sentiments exactly. What? They mix up their sauces? That imagery is revolting. What is this woman doing with that hamburger? "Ooh, the Whopper - I just love to cram it in my hoo-ha." If they had only done the earlier ad where you see that the female members of the family are humans, I would have picked the nit as I did and not really thought about it again. Now they're actively making us think about how a Whopper would have sex with a woman. Which, again, is in no way making me hungry. It's making me want to be sure I never, ever have mayonnaise on a hamburger again.
Whopper Dad: "Here, take this." Whopper Jr.: "What's this?" Whopper Dad: "It's an extra napkin, put it in your wallet."
No. Jesus Christ, no. If there's one thing even worse than trying to describe how hamburgers go about fucking human females, it's the idea that a napkin also constitutes some form of hamburger birth control. "Quick, wipe off that ketchup before it goes anywhere!" Hey, new slogan idea, BK: "The Whopper Jr.: It'll knock up your mouth!" You know, to be really sure that no one ever wants to order another one.
"By the way, they give those out for free at Planned Burgerhood."
This, to me, is just lazy advertising at its finest. It goes for cheap, vaguely shocking jokes while virtually ignoring the product it's trying to sell (what food product couldn't you have plugged into that ad?). And honestly, respond if you disagree, but how does this kind of weird food-having-sex association make anyone want that food? Remember a few years ago when some clueless admen on the McDonald's account gave us the "I'd Hit It!" banner ads that got laughed off the web? How is this different? How is it not much, much worse? Yes, CPB is clearly aware of what they're doing, whereas the extent to which McDonald's was out of touch was pretty hilarious on its own terms. But the association of food with sex is so much more direct and that much more distasteful in the BK ads. We've talkedaboutthisa number oftimes on this site and it doesn't get any less creepy the more I see it happen. CPB wants brand awareness and thinks hilarious burger-condom jokes are the way to go. I say brand awareness is no good when I am forever put off the brand because of your nasty burger-condom jokes. Maybe I'm crazy.
Okay, last one.
Whopper Dad: "Listen, I don't care if you want to sell yourself for less, but a buck?" Whopper Jr.: "People are psyched about this, Dad! You'd know that if you'd pull your head out of your bun." Whopper Dad: "Watch it, burger boy."
And another hilarious "burger things that sound like human things" joke rears its head. Given that there were only four ads in this sequence, what does it say for CPB's creativity that they managed to have fully half of them end with jokes in which "bun" is used in reference to its human meaning? Couldn't think of anywhere else to go with that?
That slogan also kills me: "Bringing some attitude to the BK value menu." What? Attitude? It's a hamburger. It's a hamburger, in fact, that is identical to its larger version in every way but size. That's "attitude"? I'd buy this tack with the Angry Whopper or something, but come on. Also, as I've pointed out before, I'm not sure how portraying a menu item as an obnoxious teenager is supposed to sell hamburgers. Still, if they hadn't forced me to think about burger sex, all might have been forgiven. Instead I'm just left wondering what Crispin Porter won't do in the name of being "edgy" or whatever the fuck.
As we've elucidated on this blog previously, Arby's seems to have a problem connecting their food with anything that's appetizing. Their latest effort has gone down the unfortunate path of food sexualization, which we have covered ad nauseum here at Ad Wizards. So, prepare yourself for ickiness:
Man (on bed, candles lit): Honey, almost ready?
Woman: You know I'm only doing this for your birthday.
Man: I know, and I appreciate it.
In case you paused the video at the 10 second mark, let me just remind you that, yes, this is a fast food commercial. Not, like, lingerie, or anything that's supposed to be sexy.
Woman: (walks into bedroom dressed as an Arby's crew member, holding a tray with a meal)
Man (showing pronounced double chin): Wow.
Sex appeal --the advertising weapon of last resort. Only when you truly have nothing to say about your product do you go for all-out innuendo. What is sexy about a chicken sandwich, fries and a drink? It's food. It should be treated as food, and reacted to as food. It is not sexually exciting. Hunger and sexual desire are just two separate human appetites.
And yes, I get that this is comedically overblown. But It doesn't change the fact that they're linking Arby's sandwiches with sexual attraction. That's not funny, it's just creepy.
Woman: Ta da!
Man: (Arby's sign pops up with cheesy "boing!" noise) Meeeeee likey!
Really? "Me likey?" That is wildly out of date and unoriginal. Why not just have him say "Tubular!"
Also, Arby's gets the award for Least Subtle Boner Reference in a Commercial. Congratulations, Arby's, you had some stiff competition (pun intended.)
Voiceover: It really is a special occasion with Arby's Chicken Cordon Bleu.
I guess if you have some kind of Arby's uniform fetish, then, sure. Otherwise, I think when 99% of people get the Arby's Chicken Cordon Bleu, the occasion is "Tuesday's lunch" or maybe "late night food run with roommate."
Voiceover: They'll have you saying, "I'm thinking Arby's."
I'm glad that Dairy Queen didn't use their "Do one" tagline for this ad. I can't say that makes it much less horrible, though.
Okay, seriously. How old are those kids - eight? This is appalling. "Don't worry about getting two sundaes, Mom. I'm just going to flirt with that boy over there. Tee hee!" This isn't a damn singles bar. And why is the mom's response just a look that verges problematically between astonishment and being impressed, rather than dragging her daughter out of the place by the ear, which is what should be happening?
Where did that sundae come from, anyway? It shows up in like five seconds! I'm supposed to believe that kid paid for that thing, even though he doesn't seem to ever get up? Does he have a tab? Is he like that skeevy drunk who sits at the end of the bar and sends a cosmopolitan to any halfway attractive girl who glances in his direction? God. The only way this could be worse would be if he sent her a banana split and they showed her eating the banana. "Jeez, Mom, I'm almost nine. I know how to eat a banana."
Now I kind of feel like I'm going to go into a Dairy Queen and Chris Hansen is going to be behind the counter to ask me what I'm doing there. But aside from that awful creepiness, A+, Dairy Queen.
Hey fellas! Ever smell bacon and instantly get an erection? No? Surely you must be mistaken, because Taco Bell says that's what our natural, bodily response should be:
Girl 1: This place is great. Girl 2: So many cute guys here. Girl 1: Mmhmm. Do you smell.... bacon? Girl 2: Oh, yeah, it's a Bacon Club Chalupa (reveals one hidden in her handbag). Guys love bacon.
What are the odds that her purse wouldn't be just smothered in Chalupa residue? And for the Chalupa, is that really an appetizing presentation of food -- crammed in a small, shiny purse?
Girl 1: Like that's really gonna work, come on.
Guys will absolutely be approaching you in the bar tonight, ladies. Not because of the bacon on that Chalupa you squeezed into your purse but, rather, because you're totally hot. You do not need bacon to attract men. A fried taco in your purse could only hurt your chances of landing a random dude.
Guys: Hi... Hey... How's it goin'? What is that you're wearing it's.... it's intoxicating.
"Oh, it's not actually something I'm wearing - it's this greasy fast food taco that I keep in my handbag to get men to talk to me!"
I guess her strategy worked all along! Just think of how little ass they'd be getting if they didn't have that trusty bacon aroma. They'd just be two modelesque, single girls sitting at a bar all dolled up waiting for sex -- what guy is interested in that, am I right?
Voiceover: Taco Bell's Bacon Club Chalupa is back. Bacon lovers rejoice! (tiny bacon crumbles drop onto top of loaded Chalupa)
Wow! Look at all that bacon! That looks like at least 10 or 15 tiny orts of bacon I'll be getting on my Chalupa. Oh, no, don't worry, that's plenty of bacon. I'm sure I'll be able to taste it through the chicken, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, sauce and fried Gordita shell. Bacon lovers truly should rejoice!
I think the bottom line here is: if you want to use sex appeal to sell food, don't incorporate the food into any kind of sexual activity. They're really two separate urges, food and sex, so just show a hot girl eating a taco and be done with it. It's an old joke, anyway, the notion of a "bacon perfume," and it just doesn't work to sell me on Mexican fast food.
You guys, I loved this ad. I loved it so much I just had to post about it.
Is that not about the funniest thing you've ever seen? Oh my God. It's so sneaky. Like, they're pretending it's just about his tongue, but it's totally referencing morning wood! Ha ha ha! That is so awesome! So awesome that I'm going to ignore how disgusting "Cheesy Tots" sound, or how that really doesn't strike me as a breakfast food, or how utterly fucking terrible this ad is aaaaah I couldn't go through with it.
At least this isn't people having sex with candy. But just like those repugnant Dairy Queen ads from a while back, it goes out of its way to imply that the product you'll be consuming was the result of filthy, filthy sex between two other food products. It'd be one thing to see a chocolate bunny nuzzling a jar of peanut butter fondly - but no, we just haaaad to work "Let's Get It On" in there, didn't we, Reese's? Was grossing out viewers really worth what you had to pay for that song?
Just to annoy everyone, here's the full text of that awful little poem:
"This is no impulse My yearning for your comfort began hours ago But for the cashier's sake, let's be coy Let's pretend like this was all spontaneous 'Oh, pleasure to meet you, caramel'"
FUCK. OFF.
This is the second of these ads I'm aware of - i.e., ads where Sally Kellerman is apparently twenty seconds from cramming a Milky Way into her vagina - and it's also the second one to refer to Milky Ways as "comfort." Buy a fucking thesaurus. Then hit yourselves over the head with it and forget you ever thought it was a good idea to make a series of commercials comparing your candy product to a lover. It's horrifying.
Alternately, maybe every food product should try this.
Milk You do a body good If you were a person, I bet you'd do my body good I mean that in a sexual way Like we'd have really hot sex I think I'm going to stick my dick into the carton right now Milk.
Krispy Kreme, to me, embodies a kind of innocence in the American landscape in a way few places can nowadays. The classic color scheme, the way the stores are so spotless - everything seems trapped in the 1950s. You walk inside and get to watch the donut-making process as it unfolds, with the golden rings passing under a cascade of hot glaze in front of your eyes. It almost makes you feel like a kid, walking in there with a wide-eyed enthusiasm and a little money in your pocket, the allowance you'd saved up to get a couple donuts hot off the line. And when they give you that free sample, still warm, soft, and gooey with liquid sugar - well, who doesn't love that?
Which is why it makes me so sad to see them doing ads like the one linked below.
http://www.krispykreme.com/tv/ (Again, apologies for a lack of embedded video. If you don't see the ad I describe below first, click the top left circle, for "Hottie.")
Woman #1: "Ooh." Woman #3: "Ooh." Woman #2: [gasp] "Oh, now there's a hottie."
First of all, if I was out with my friends, and one of them grabbed my arm while indicating arousal like Woman #1 is doing to Woman #2, I would be profoundly uncomfortable. But then Woman #2 is too busy being way, way too firm about the "hottie" she's seeing. I suppose "You're sexually attracted to this donut, and, action!" is tough direction to work with.
Woman #1: "Tear me off a piece of that!"
This dialogue, in addition to being really gross once you realize that they're talking about donuts, is kind of pathetic for how hackneyed it is. You just know the writer of this commercial is some 60-year-old ad man who caught half an episode of "Sex and the City" on TBS the night before the big pitch. "Let's see... group of lusty women, reference to man/donut as 'hottie,' request to have a piece torn off... this has all the factors necessary to get 25-to-40-year-old women in the door!" I mean, seriously: "Tear me off a piece of that?" Does anyone even say that anymore?
Announcer: "Don't let life get stale. Keep it fresh! Think Krispy Kreme."
I won't say much about the pauses between this guy's lines (except to note that they suck) or how this is a pretty bland tagline that has no inherent relation to the rest of the ad. It's kind of hilarious how quickly this commercial switches from "trendy, sexy ladies" mode to "1940s celibacy" mode, though. How do you start with three women purring over donuts and cut so quickly to a milquetoast voiceover, completely desexed shots of donut purchasing, and a bizarrely anachronistic John Philip Sousa march under the voiceover? (You may recognize it as "The Liberty Bell March," better known to most people nowadays as the theme to "Monty Python's Flying Circus." I'm not saying that no one is ever allowed to use it again because of that, but it seems like an odd choice given how many people will instantly make the connection. Would you advertise McDonald's with "Tubular Bells," knowing it's going to make everyone think of The Exorcist?)
I can't really complain about the non-sexual nature of the second half of the commercial, since that's what I want to see out of a Krispy Kreme commercial. But if you're going to end up there, why start the way you did? Why start that way at all? You've ended up counterintuitively showing how out of touch you are by starting with such a desperate ploy to seem hip and/or sexy, and the worst part is that this was completely unnecessary. Krispy Kreme donuts basically sell themselves. I don't need three women wetting themselves over one to convince me that they might be tasty.
Also, given the shape of the donut, wouldn't it have made more sense to have three guys drooling over it?
