Do you think Nissan actually knows what "Cat's in the Cradle" is about?
A quick refresher: "Cat's in the Cradle" is a song about a father who never has any time for his kid. The kid nevertheless talks about wanting to grow up to be like his father - and then, lo and behold, he does, growing into a man who is constantly busy and never has time to spend with his father, who has aged into a regretful old man upset with himself for ignoring his son all those years. That song is BRUTAL AS FUCK. That it's somehow turned into a fatherhood anthem just because the word "Dad" is in the lyrics is right up there with "Born in the USA" in the all-time "no one listened to these lyrics besides the chorus" rankings.
The question is what Nissan is even trying to do here. The plot of this ad: race car driver has a kid. He's never at home because he's off nearly getting killed in his race car. Then at the end he actually shows up for a change! And he gets a hug. The end.
This could have been a contender for the SkyMall Championship Trophy in our Super Bored Awards. Because what the fuck. The dad is a race car driver in a Nissan car. So, in other words, all the anguish and emotional distance being experienced by this family is at least partly Nissan's fault! "Yeah, sorry I missed your birthday, son, but I was off driving around in my sweet-ass Nissan race car!"
I suppose Nissan has to know what "Cat's in the Cradle" is about since the plot of the ad basically dovetails exactly with the plot of the song (though really just the first two and a half verses). But how did they think this was going to sell cars? This is one of those "the only important thing is getting our name out there" ads, which I've never thought made a lot of sense coming from companies whose names are already well known. If you're Nissan, I don't think there's a ton you can do to boost your Q rating compared to, say, Mophie. But you can probably screw it up! And one way to do that is by making a weird, depressing ad that has nothing to do with your actual products. I guess we see a new-looking Nissan at the end. You need eagle eyes to spot the model name, though. Worth it.
In case you think that Nissan really gave any significant thought to this "#withdad" campaign they're running, check out this thing that supposedly was intended as a "teaser" for their Super Bowl ad:
Setting aside the fact that this barely constitutes a "prank," this video of an apparently stay-at-home dad having fun with his kids is literally as far as possible from the plot of Nissan's Super Bowl ad as I can even imagine.
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and a ball-filled room
When ya comin' home dad, I'm home right now
I don't have an actual job, son, so I'm here all the time
Also: the idea of filling a non-ball-pit room with balls? Not new. I'm sure your wife appreciates how annoying you've made her life after her 40-minute commute, though.
And here's another video (this one part of a series on YouTube) about the Matthews family, who have been playing in the NFL for three generations. This isn't bad for like, a SportsCenter piece. But what value does it have as Nissan content? Oh, but there are dads in it! So hashtag that shit up, man!
This is just incoherent, right? It has nothing to do with anything. Nissan wants to make a bunch of branded content with dad stuff because... what? Are dads their key demo now? "Nissan! The perfect boring mid-size car for your boring middle-age dad life!" I guess it's a change of pace from the usual push to market everything to the 18-to-34 demographic, but linking a bunch of totally unrelated stuff together with a dad-related hashtag is super uninspiring. You can practically see the marketing meeting in which this was conceived.
Exec 1: "Okay, here's the pitch: dads."
Exec 2: "What do you mean, dads?"
Exec 1: "Dads! Hashtag, 'dads.' 'Nissan: the boring car for boring dads.'"
Exec 3: "Yeah, we're not gonna-"
Exec 1: "Okay, forget the boring part. But trust me: dads. What do you think of when you think of dads?"
Exec 2: "Um... football?"
Exec 1: "Great! What about you?"
Exec 3: "Miserable absentee bastards."
Exec 1: "Oh! That's, uh, that's very specific..."
Exec 3: "Lousy, no-good, never home, never said he loved me, missed all my soccer games, rat-fu-"
Exec 1 [jotting down notes]: "Yeah, no, this is good stuff, Phil. I think we can make this work."
Exec 2: "And this is going to sell Nissans?"
Exec 1 [shrugging]: "I mean... it might?"
Showing posts with label what the hell are you selling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what the hell are you selling. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Bad ads at Ridgemont High
The Dr. Pepper Ten ad that briefly set the internet on fire last week - including this very blog - was roundly denounced as being sexist. But I don't think that everyone caught that the ad was, really, just as sexist against men as it was against women. Women, in fact, got off pretty easy - all they were told was that Dr. Pepper Ten was not "for" them. (Oh no!) Men, by comparison, were told that they were more or less obligated to like action movies, hate romantic comedies, and refuse to pick up any soda with "diet" in the name - or they simply were not real men.
Well, welcome to Ad World. As many ads as are sexist against women, there are just as many that negatively stereotype the hell out of men. For instance: men cannot cook! No, seriously, men cannot fucking cook. Men are romantically incompetent. Men are total douchebags. Men are slavering pigs who lose control at the sight of an attractive woman. Etc.
The irony, of course, is that while most commercials that are actively sexist against women are marketed towards men, most of the commercials that are actively sexist against men are ALSO marketed towards men. For proof, let's just look at the latest example of this phenomenon, from JC Penney:
I didn't look very closely, but it seems like there's some discussion in the YouTube comments over whether the ad objectifies women.
Yes. It does. I mean, of course it does. How could you even dispute this? In case you don't know, in the film from which the clip is taken, Fast Times at Ridgemont High - by the way, this film is nearly 30 years old, so way to stay relevant there, JC Penney - Phoebe Cates actually opens her bikini for a topless scene which is taking place in the imagination of the main male character, played by Judge Reinhold. For him, she is absolutely a lust object and little more. In the film, however, Reinhold gets his comeuppance when Cates walks in on him masturbating to this fantasy. Nothing like that happens in this ad, nor really could it. So, yes, it's obviously objectification, or at any rate the male viewer is invited to objectify Phoebe Cates.
But - and I'm sure you already guessed that I was going here - the ad is in many ways at least as offensive to men.
Kenny Mayne: "JC Penney understands that you don't like advertising for clothes."
I... I don't? I must admit, this is a new stereotype of men to my ears. Men hate advertising for clothes? They're just making stuff up now, aren't they? "JC Penney understands that you hate oak trees! I mean, fucking acorns, right?"
Mayne: "Who does?"
Honestly, who likes advertising of any kind? Why do you think people get so excited about DVRs and internet browsers with ad-block functions? But really, who thinks enough about advertising for clothes not to like it? There have been about 380 posts in this site's history and I think three of them talk about an ad for any kind of clothing.
Mayne: "Tell you what, though - if you look at these smart fashion choices from Van Heusen, we're gonna show you this. That way everybody wins."
Nine seconds into the spot and out comes the Fast Times footage. Here's the thing, guys: if the expectation is that men will be looking at the footage on the left, that means NO ONE IS LOOKING AT THE FOOTAGE ON THE RIGHT. You really can't focus on two things at once, and if it was true that men hated clothing ads, why would they even bother trying to look back and forth between them? And especially consider that Phoebe Cates is wearing a bright red bikini, whereas the clothes on the right are in fairly nondescript colors and the prices are in white text on a white background! You couldn't sufficiently check out the clothes offered in this ad if you wanted to.
So, sure, it's kind of a sexist ad. But maybe the real problem is not just that it's sexist but that it is so exquisitely committed to being sexist at the expense of even trying to sell the product. There are eight million ways you could make a commercial for men's clothing that featured a hot female sex object, and literally all 7,999,999 others would do less to completely distract the attention away from any and all information about the men's clothing that was ostensibly the point of the spot than this one does.
And that's really where you get into the area of "reverse sexism." Hey, men - you don't care about clothes, right? You'll probably just wear whatever your wife buys you or something. So, we're going to pretend we're running an ad for clothes you might wear - but we both know that's ridiculous. So check out these sweet tits! Don't get me wrong, I like that sort of thing as much as the next (straight) guy, but I know when I'm being pandered to. This ad isn't going to endear me to JC Penney and it does nothing to sell the product in question. And as it turns out, the only thing it was effective at was being quickly pulled from the airwaves due to complaints of sexism.
Mayne: "JC Penney: It is seriously hot in here."
"JC Penney: You are seriously dumb in here."
Well, welcome to Ad World. As many ads as are sexist against women, there are just as many that negatively stereotype the hell out of men. For instance: men cannot cook! No, seriously, men cannot fucking cook. Men are romantically incompetent. Men are total douchebags. Men are slavering pigs who lose control at the sight of an attractive woman. Etc.
The irony, of course, is that while most commercials that are actively sexist against women are marketed towards men, most of the commercials that are actively sexist against men are ALSO marketed towards men. For proof, let's just look at the latest example of this phenomenon, from JC Penney:
I didn't look very closely, but it seems like there's some discussion in the YouTube comments over whether the ad objectifies women.
Yes. It does. I mean, of course it does. How could you even dispute this? In case you don't know, in the film from which the clip is taken, Fast Times at Ridgemont High - by the way, this film is nearly 30 years old, so way to stay relevant there, JC Penney - Phoebe Cates actually opens her bikini for a topless scene which is taking place in the imagination of the main male character, played by Judge Reinhold. For him, she is absolutely a lust object and little more. In the film, however, Reinhold gets his comeuppance when Cates walks in on him masturbating to this fantasy. Nothing like that happens in this ad, nor really could it. So, yes, it's obviously objectification, or at any rate the male viewer is invited to objectify Phoebe Cates.
But - and I'm sure you already guessed that I was going here - the ad is in many ways at least as offensive to men.
Kenny Mayne: "JC Penney understands that you don't like advertising for clothes."
I... I don't? I must admit, this is a new stereotype of men to my ears. Men hate advertising for clothes? They're just making stuff up now, aren't they? "JC Penney understands that you hate oak trees! I mean, fucking acorns, right?"
Mayne: "Who does?"
Honestly, who likes advertising of any kind? Why do you think people get so excited about DVRs and internet browsers with ad-block functions? But really, who thinks enough about advertising for clothes not to like it? There have been about 380 posts in this site's history and I think three of them talk about an ad for any kind of clothing.
Mayne: "Tell you what, though - if you look at these smart fashion choices from Van Heusen, we're gonna show you this. That way everybody wins."
Nine seconds into the spot and out comes the Fast Times footage. Here's the thing, guys: if the expectation is that men will be looking at the footage on the left, that means NO ONE IS LOOKING AT THE FOOTAGE ON THE RIGHT. You really can't focus on two things at once, and if it was true that men hated clothing ads, why would they even bother trying to look back and forth between them? And especially consider that Phoebe Cates is wearing a bright red bikini, whereas the clothes on the right are in fairly nondescript colors and the prices are in white text on a white background! You couldn't sufficiently check out the clothes offered in this ad if you wanted to.
So, sure, it's kind of a sexist ad. But maybe the real problem is not just that it's sexist but that it is so exquisitely committed to being sexist at the expense of even trying to sell the product. There are eight million ways you could make a commercial for men's clothing that featured a hot female sex object, and literally all 7,999,999 others would do less to completely distract the attention away from any and all information about the men's clothing that was ostensibly the point of the spot than this one does.
And that's really where you get into the area of "reverse sexism." Hey, men - you don't care about clothes, right? You'll probably just wear whatever your wife buys you or something. So, we're going to pretend we're running an ad for clothes you might wear - but we both know that's ridiculous. So check out these sweet tits! Don't get me wrong, I like that sort of thing as much as the next (straight) guy, but I know when I'm being pandered to. This ad isn't going to endear me to JC Penney and it does nothing to sell the product in question. And as it turns out, the only thing it was effective at was being quickly pulled from the airwaves due to complaints of sexism.
Mayne: "JC Penney: It is seriously hot in here."
"JC Penney: You are seriously dumb in here."
Saturday, February 12, 2011
With my mind on my Facebook and my Facebook on my mind
I legitimately cannot believe that Chevy spent three million dollars to pitch this to us.
Hey! We're Chevy. We have a new car called the Cruze. Here's what you need to know about it.
1. Inexplicably, you can have your Facebook updates read to you while you drive.
2. It is a car.
3. Hmm? Sorry, I dozed off for a second there.
4. You know, I think I'm going to head out early today.
5. *tires squealing*
I mean, is this an ad for a car, or for Facebook? Have we really reached a point in society where people cannot wait more than 30 seconds to check their Facebook feeds? And do I really want people doing that while driving? I guess I'm glad he can do it (mostly) hands-free rather than fumbling with a smart phone, but that's small consolation. It's only a matter of time before your feed starts to look like this:
John Smith is driving to the mall. And updating Facebook from the car, using just my voice! Is this cool or what?
John Smith kind of wants an Orange Julius when I get there.
John Smith Whoa! Almost rear-ended this guy who decided he just HAD to turn right. Learn to drive, asshole!
John Smith Holy fuck I can't BRRRRRGGG
Also, I know this is a commercial, but there's no way the voice would manage to correctly read the woman's update with what I'm assuming is dramatic punctuation.
Hey! We're Chevy. We have a new car called the Cruze. Here's what you need to know about it.
1. Inexplicably, you can have your Facebook updates read to you while you drive.
2. It is a car.
3. Hmm? Sorry, I dozed off for a second there.
4. You know, I think I'm going to head out early today.
5. *tires squealing*
I mean, is this an ad for a car, or for Facebook? Have we really reached a point in society where people cannot wait more than 30 seconds to check their Facebook feeds? And do I really want people doing that while driving? I guess I'm glad he can do it (mostly) hands-free rather than fumbling with a smart phone, but that's small consolation. It's only a matter of time before your feed starts to look like this:
John Smith is driving to the mall. And updating Facebook from the car, using just my voice! Is this cool or what?
John Smith kind of wants an Orange Julius when I get there.
John Smith Whoa! Almost rear-ended this guy who decided he just HAD to turn right. Learn to drive, asshole!
John Smith Holy fuck I can't BRRRRRGGG
Also, I know this is a commercial, but there's no way the voice would manage to correctly read the woman's update with what I'm assuming is dramatic punctuation.
Monday, November 17, 2008
What happens in Levi's stays in Levi's
Levi's is running with the slogan "Live unbuttoned." This apparently translates to "Live unencumbered by laws or prudence."
Don't get me wrong, people. I like sex as much as the next person. I'm pretty sure I don't like it in this configuration, however. I'm also not sure how this sells jeans. Or anything besides morning-after pills.
Zane: "My name's not really Zane."
Lucia: "My name's not really Lucia."
Pff. Big deal. I've seen worse in Vegas ads. Well, no I haven't, because I've yet to see a Vegas ad that features actual undressing (this ad can't air before 10 pm anywhere, can it?). Still, anonymity, that's, um, spicy? Continue.
Not-Zane: "I'm not really in a band."
Not-Lucia: "I don't really work for a label."
Not-Zane seems a little disappointed that he's not the only one who's spent the entire night bullshitting. I'd say there was a commentary on the nature of gender relations here, but give me a fucking break. Levi's is about to sell you jeans by showing you people's underwear.
Zain't: "I live in Detroit, not LA."
Whocia: "Well, I've never been to Manhattan."
Ooh, fucking one-upped again, dude! Zain't is not going to be able to take much more of this.
Zain't: "Truth is, I've been sleeping in my car."
Homeless people: fucking sexy.
Whocia: "That's okay. This isn't my apartment."
And this is where I go from being just mildly skeeved to realllly having issues with whatever Levi's thinks they're doing here. Zain't briefly turns on the light to reveal that a black family lives there (they had to be black so it was easy to tell from pictures, of course), then turns it back off so the commercial, for jeans, I should stress, can end with dirty, dirty fucking on the floor of a stranger's apartment. And just for good measure, here's your slogan: "Live unbuttoned."
Now that is living. Anonymous, likely unprotected sex with someone you'll never see again ("Live unbagged") with a B&E thrown in for good measure? I'll obey the law when I'm dead, dude! And on the bright side, if he catches a gross enough STI, the other inmates might actually leave him alone. For the first week.
I was kidding before, but this might as well be an ad for RU-486. It certainly sells that a hell of a lot better than it sells jeans - I mean, who is paying any attention to the jeans? 99% of this ad's viewership is either being outraged or masturbating, and the last 1% is actually doing both. The plot has nothing to do with jeans (unless you count taking them off, which I do not) and the end of the ad goes so far as to imply that Levi's are at their best lying on the floor while you have sex five feet away. Which I guess would be fine if the slogan were befitting the ad, like "Levi's: Put 'em on to take 'em off" or some shit. Instead, we get the faux-profound "Live unbuttoned," which doesn't just rationalize the ridiculous behavior on display, it actively endorses it. If people want to break into apartments to have anonymous sex, I guess that's their business (aside from the property crime part), and it's not like adults can't parse this ad. But there's always a risk that kids might be watching, I don't care what timeslots were bought. Isn't it just a bit much to make this seem like "the cool thing to do?" Especially considering that kids and teenagers are the most impressionable viewers of ads. Your dad isn't watching this and thinking "I gotta get me a pair of those jeans."
It's a bad ad because it doesn't sell its product well enough, but more importantly I just don't see why they went the direction they did. There was certainly no need to do so. Even the sex on its own would have been one thing - it probably still would have bugged me, but to go the extra mile and throw in petty crime (if not worse) for no necessary reason and then celebrate it? Come on, Levi's. I'd say "You're better than this," but historically I'm not sure you have been much better than this, so instead I'll just say "You really ought to consider being better than this."
Don't get me wrong, people. I like sex as much as the next person. I'm pretty sure I don't like it in this configuration, however. I'm also not sure how this sells jeans. Or anything besides morning-after pills.
Zane: "My name's not really Zane."
Lucia: "My name's not really Lucia."
Pff. Big deal. I've seen worse in Vegas ads. Well, no I haven't, because I've yet to see a Vegas ad that features actual undressing (this ad can't air before 10 pm anywhere, can it?). Still, anonymity, that's, um, spicy? Continue.
Not-Zane: "I'm not really in a band."
Not-Lucia: "I don't really work for a label."
Not-Zane seems a little disappointed that he's not the only one who's spent the entire night bullshitting. I'd say there was a commentary on the nature of gender relations here, but give me a fucking break. Levi's is about to sell you jeans by showing you people's underwear.
Zain't: "I live in Detroit, not LA."
Whocia: "Well, I've never been to Manhattan."
Ooh, fucking one-upped again, dude! Zain't is not going to be able to take much more of this.
Zain't: "Truth is, I've been sleeping in my car."
Homeless people: fucking sexy.
Whocia: "That's okay. This isn't my apartment."
And this is where I go from being just mildly skeeved to realllly having issues with whatever Levi's thinks they're doing here. Zain't briefly turns on the light to reveal that a black family lives there (they had to be black so it was easy to tell from pictures, of course), then turns it back off so the commercial, for jeans, I should stress, can end with dirty, dirty fucking on the floor of a stranger's apartment. And just for good measure, here's your slogan: "Live unbuttoned."
Now that is living. Anonymous, likely unprotected sex with someone you'll never see again ("Live unbagged") with a B&E thrown in for good measure? I'll obey the law when I'm dead, dude! And on the bright side, if he catches a gross enough STI, the other inmates might actually leave him alone. For the first week.
I was kidding before, but this might as well be an ad for RU-486. It certainly sells that a hell of a lot better than it sells jeans - I mean, who is paying any attention to the jeans? 99% of this ad's viewership is either being outraged or masturbating, and the last 1% is actually doing both. The plot has nothing to do with jeans (unless you count taking them off, which I do not) and the end of the ad goes so far as to imply that Levi's are at their best lying on the floor while you have sex five feet away. Which I guess would be fine if the slogan were befitting the ad, like "Levi's: Put 'em on to take 'em off" or some shit. Instead, we get the faux-profound "Live unbuttoned," which doesn't just rationalize the ridiculous behavior on display, it actively endorses it. If people want to break into apartments to have anonymous sex, I guess that's their business (aside from the property crime part), and it's not like adults can't parse this ad. But there's always a risk that kids might be watching, I don't care what timeslots were bought. Isn't it just a bit much to make this seem like "the cool thing to do?" Especially considering that kids and teenagers are the most impressionable viewers of ads. Your dad isn't watching this and thinking "I gotta get me a pair of those jeans."
It's a bad ad because it doesn't sell its product well enough, but more importantly I just don't see why they went the direction they did. There was certainly no need to do so. Even the sex on its own would have been one thing - it probably still would have bugged me, but to go the extra mile and throw in petty crime (if not worse) for no necessary reason and then celebrate it? Come on, Levi's. I'd say "You're better than this," but historically I'm not sure you have been much better than this, so instead I'll just say "You really ought to consider being better than this."
Saturday, November 1, 2008
It's a crazy world -- with stupid commercials
Some companies subscribe to the idea that if you create a commercial that's weird enough, then people will remember it and, by association, your product. The data to support this theory is inconclusive at best, and oftentimes what you see is people remembering a particular commercial but not the product. We've even seen examples of people reaching this site by searching for a particular ad with the wrong company (i.e. a description of a Toyota ad with "Honda" in the search string.)
That "memorability factor" is the only reason I can think of for the creation of this Sierra Mist ad:
(A man walks into a bar where everyone is drinking Sierra Mist. The bartender slides a plastic bottle of pop down the bar.)
Must be one of those wild cowboy saloons in Salt Lake City.
Man: It's a crazy world.
Apropos of absolutely nothing.
Man: I knew this girl who would do anything to get married.
Everyone else in the bar is paying rapt attention. And, why, exactly? Is this such an audacious statement?
Man: I call her, "the Wedding Girl."
Oh man, okay. Now I'm interested. Now that you've given her a self-evident identifier? I am putty in your able storytelling hands! Go on....
Scenes of the Wedding Girl at a reception where the narrator was apparently a bassist. She's beating up the other girls in the bridal party to be able to catch the bouquet -- doing anything to get married.
I guess if you find this particularly hilarious -- if you're a big Three Stooges fan, say -- then maybe you're going to remember this ad. But is there anything that make beating up girls at a wedding unique to Sierra Mist-brand lemon-lime soda pop? Anything?
Man: It's a crazy world. Drink Sierra Mist. It helps to refresh your mind.
Not until the end of the commercial does any of this ad make sense. Apparently Sierra Mist will help you cope with the craziness of phenomena like the Wedding Girl.
The big question is -- will Sierra Mist refresh my mind after seeing its own horseshit commercials?
That "memorability factor" is the only reason I can think of for the creation of this Sierra Mist ad:
(A man walks into a bar where everyone is drinking Sierra Mist. The bartender slides a plastic bottle of pop down the bar.)
Must be one of those wild cowboy saloons in Salt Lake City.
Man: It's a crazy world.
Apropos of absolutely nothing.
Man: I knew this girl who would do anything to get married.
Everyone else in the bar is paying rapt attention. And, why, exactly? Is this such an audacious statement?
Man: I call her, "the Wedding Girl."
Oh man, okay. Now I'm interested. Now that you've given her a self-evident identifier? I am putty in your able storytelling hands! Go on....
Scenes of the Wedding Girl at a reception where the narrator was apparently a bassist. She's beating up the other girls in the bridal party to be able to catch the bouquet -- doing anything to get married.
I guess if you find this particularly hilarious -- if you're a big Three Stooges fan, say -- then maybe you're going to remember this ad. But is there anything that make beating up girls at a wedding unique to Sierra Mist-brand lemon-lime soda pop? Anything?
Man: It's a crazy world. Drink Sierra Mist. It helps to refresh your mind.
Not until the end of the commercial does any of this ad make sense. Apparently Sierra Mist will help you cope with the craziness of phenomena like the Wedding Girl.
The big question is -- will Sierra Mist refresh my mind after seeing its own horseshit commercials?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
In which the blogger continues his campaign against Crispin Porter
Here at the Ad Wizards, we think most of the commercials we see on television could be a lot better. But then there's the work of one agency in particular that just makes our typin' fingers all red and itchy -- that would be the unwatchable oeuvre of Crispin Porter & Bogusky. Here we take a look at their latest effort to market the Volkswagen Routan:
Talking VW Beetle: Ahh, velcome Brooke Shields! Vat's on your mind?
Brooke Shields: Well, there's an epidemic sweeping the nation. Women everywhere are having babies just to get the new Volkswagen Routan.
The talking car isn't new -- they've used that in some recent work. Brooke Shields, however, is new. You know, it's hard to sell cars in a recession -- aren't we making it harder on the few consumers who do want to buy cars, by making them sift through peripheral weirdness like Beetles with German accents and B-Listers talking about some made-up, car-related baby boom?
Brooke Shields: Christine here is so seduced by German engineering, she's having a baby just to get it.
"And as soon as that baby is born, Christine is going to ship it off to an Engineering Boarding school in Hamburg, never to see her child again."
So I guess Crispin Porter's clever idea here is that "couples love the Routan minivan so much, they're going to get pregnant to justify buying one." That's such a bizarre, stupid idea, you have to wonder how they got there. Maybe they got an email from Volkswagen Marketing that looked like this:
Assignment:
Develop a new commercial for the Routan
Objective:
Weird people out. Also, decrease sales of Routan by 50%
Target:
Pregnant couples, ages 25-40
Insight:
German engineering is awesome. Everybody wants it. That's the number one thing people look for in automobiles -- "Was this made by Germans? Because the Japanese, Americans and Koreans all suck at making cars"
Mandatories:
Talking car, German accent, random 3-piece band, use slogan that translates to "The Car"
Brooke Shields: Don't be like Christine -- have a baby for love, not for German engineering.
How is this funny? Or informational? Or memorable, even? Here's a test -- watch this ad twice, then come back to this site in 3 days and see if you remember the name of the car. I bet you won't. What you will remember? Brooke Shields annoying you.
Brooke Shields: Learn what I'm doing to help -- at Routanboom.org
Hey, do you want to see about five more minutes of this same commercial? Then you should really check out RoutanBoom.org.
This car just launched -- a joint venture with Chrysler -- so no sales news yet. But with commercials like this one, you just have to wonder why companies continue to let Crispin Porter + Bogusky reshape their brands into creepy piles of shit.
SIDE NOTE: And by the way, here's an example of the way Volkswagen commercials used to be. Arnold Communications handled the account back then, before Crispin Porter could take a huge dump on it.
Anyone like this Pink Moon spot just a little bit more than the nonsensical zaniness of Brooke Shields railing against procreation?
Talking VW Beetle: Ahh, velcome Brooke Shields! Vat's on your mind?
Brooke Shields: Well, there's an epidemic sweeping the nation. Women everywhere are having babies just to get the new Volkswagen Routan.
The talking car isn't new -- they've used that in some recent work. Brooke Shields, however, is new. You know, it's hard to sell cars in a recession -- aren't we making it harder on the few consumers who do want to buy cars, by making them sift through peripheral weirdness like Beetles with German accents and B-Listers talking about some made-up, car-related baby boom?
Brooke Shields: Christine here is so seduced by German engineering, she's having a baby just to get it.
"And as soon as that baby is born, Christine is going to ship it off to an Engineering Boarding school in Hamburg, never to see her child again."
So I guess Crispin Porter's clever idea here is that "couples love the Routan minivan so much, they're going to get pregnant to justify buying one." That's such a bizarre, stupid idea, you have to wonder how they got there. Maybe they got an email from Volkswagen Marketing that looked like this:
Assignment:
Develop a new commercial for the Routan
Objective:
Weird people out. Also, decrease sales of Routan by 50%
Target:
Pregnant couples, ages 25-40
Insight:
German engineering is awesome. Everybody wants it. That's the number one thing people look for in automobiles -- "Was this made by Germans? Because the Japanese, Americans and Koreans all suck at making cars"
Mandatories:
Talking car, German accent, random 3-piece band, use slogan that translates to "The Car"
Brooke Shields: Don't be like Christine -- have a baby for love, not for German engineering.
How is this funny? Or informational? Or memorable, even? Here's a test -- watch this ad twice, then come back to this site in 3 days and see if you remember the name of the car. I bet you won't. What you will remember? Brooke Shields annoying you.
Brooke Shields: Learn what I'm doing to help -- at Routanboom.org
Hey, do you want to see about five more minutes of this same commercial? Then you should really check out RoutanBoom.org.
This car just launched -- a joint venture with Chrysler -- so no sales news yet. But with commercials like this one, you just have to wonder why companies continue to let Crispin Porter + Bogusky reshape their brands into creepy piles of shit.
SIDE NOTE: And by the way, here's an example of the way Volkswagen commercials used to be. Arnold Communications handled the account back then, before Crispin Porter could take a huge dump on it.
Anyone like this Pink Moon spot just a little bit more than the nonsensical zaniness of Brooke Shields railing against procreation?
Monday, October 13, 2008
It's all about the no
Remember Overstock.com? One of like five companies that survived the dot-com bust of the early 2000s? Sells surplus stuff? Well, if you haven't heard of them recently, surely this commercial starring two people you've never heard of will jog your memory.
On-Screen Title: "A Love Story"
Whatever.
Rory: "Hey Joey, I wrote a song about you!"
Actually what he says is "I wrote a song aboutcha," but I'll be damned if I'm going to type all the dialogue that way.
Rory: [unfortunately, singing] "Her hair is yellow like a bale of hay, blue eyes like a sky on a summer day..."
Joey: "Yellow hair? Blue eyes? Sounds just like me." [hangs up phone, returns to surfing Overstock.com]
"Let's see here... Overstock.com... books... ah, here we go: Chicken Soup for the Soul's Divorce and Recovery. Ooh, and it's in paperback!"
What she actually does is buy him a guitar. Because the problem with the song was the music and not the lyrics. (Okay, it was also the music, but I don't think the guitar is going to help matters.)
Rory: [singing again, sadly] "Her eyes are brown... her legs are long..."
Stop.
Joey: [cutting him off] "His hair is red, and his love is strong."
So strong that he didn't know what color your hair was until you bought him something? What is the point of this ad?
On-Screen Title: "In Hardison Mill, Tennessee, it's Joey and Rory"
Who else is there? Who else? I demand to know their dog's name!
"and Rufus"
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"At home with the 'O'"
What the fuck? No, seriously, what the fuck? Is Overstock taking credit for saving their marriage by magically allowing Rory to figure out what color Joey's hair is through the power of instrumental music? (Fuck that a cappella shit.)
If you haven't heard of Joey and Rory, you're not alone. Apparently they're some sort of country duo who placed third (all of third!) on Country Music Television's show Can You Duet?, which I'm forced to assume is some sort of half-assed American Idol substitute. I hope Overstock.com didn't break their advertising budget signing up these two when any two people who were capable of carrying a tune would have worked exactly as well. (Of course, when you hire Joey and Rory, Rufus will actually waive his usual appearance fee, and I mean, if you can get Rufus in your commercial, you might as well start printing money.)
"Overstock.com. Touchingly low prices."
Apparently this ad was supposed to be touching. And I'm guessing they don't mean index finger touching uvula.
Rory: "My hair's not red!"
Oh, shit, y'all! Better buy Joey her own guitar, dude. Because Overstock guitars will give you the power of color vision, or so I've been led to believe.
So, the only real explanation I can come up with is that Rory is supposed to be a songwriting incompetent - to the extent that he has no idea what his own wife looks like - until he receives a magical Overstock guitar? Or, I guess, the guitar proves that she loves him, which thus enables him to realize what she looks like, having forgotten during the like two hours he didn't see her after she left the house that morning. (Absence makes the heart grow dumber.) Or this is a really stupid commercial.
You know what doesn't make for a good commercial? One that has nothing to do with the product it's advertising. I don't care that she's shown ordering a guitar from Overstock, this ad says basically nothing about Overstock.com that a five-second title card reading "Overstock.com: We sell everything" couldn't. Other ways this ad could have gone:
* Show Rufus chewing on a dog treat; Milk-Bone graphic
* Show Joey and Rory sitting outside in bathtubs; Cialis logo (on a related note, those two are married? Really? Either Rory's hung like a stallion or Joey is so crazy no other man would go near her)
* Show Joey slapping Rory when she gets home; title card for Hardison + Mill, divorce specialists
* Just have the Kool-Aid Man jump into frame at the end; it makes as much sense as anything else
On-Screen Title: "A Love Story"
Whatever.
Rory: "Hey Joey, I wrote a song about you!"
Actually what he says is "I wrote a song aboutcha," but I'll be damned if I'm going to type all the dialogue that way.
Rory: [unfortunately, singing] "Her hair is yellow like a bale of hay, blue eyes like a sky on a summer day..."
Joey: "Yellow hair? Blue eyes? Sounds just like me." [hangs up phone, returns to surfing Overstock.com]
"Let's see here... Overstock.com... books... ah, here we go: Chicken Soup for the Soul's Divorce and Recovery. Ooh, and it's in paperback!"
What she actually does is buy him a guitar. Because the problem with the song was the music and not the lyrics. (Okay, it was also the music, but I don't think the guitar is going to help matters.)
Rory: [singing again, sadly] "Her eyes are brown... her legs are long..."
Stop.
Joey: [cutting him off] "His hair is red, and his love is strong."
So strong that he didn't know what color your hair was until you bought him something? What is the point of this ad?
On-Screen Title: "In Hardison Mill, Tennessee, it's Joey and Rory"
Who else is there? Who else? I demand to know their dog's name!
"and Rufus"
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"At home with the 'O'"
What the fuck? No, seriously, what the fuck? Is Overstock taking credit for saving their marriage by magically allowing Rory to figure out what color Joey's hair is through the power of instrumental music? (Fuck that a cappella shit.)
If you haven't heard of Joey and Rory, you're not alone. Apparently they're some sort of country duo who placed third (all of third!) on Country Music Television's show Can You Duet?, which I'm forced to assume is some sort of half-assed American Idol substitute. I hope Overstock.com didn't break their advertising budget signing up these two when any two people who were capable of carrying a tune would have worked exactly as well. (Of course, when you hire Joey and Rory, Rufus will actually waive his usual appearance fee, and I mean, if you can get Rufus in your commercial, you might as well start printing money.)
"Overstock.com. Touchingly low prices."
Apparently this ad was supposed to be touching. And I'm guessing they don't mean index finger touching uvula.
Rory: "My hair's not red!"
Oh, shit, y'all! Better buy Joey her own guitar, dude. Because Overstock guitars will give you the power of color vision, or so I've been led to believe.
So, the only real explanation I can come up with is that Rory is supposed to be a songwriting incompetent - to the extent that he has no idea what his own wife looks like - until he receives a magical Overstock guitar? Or, I guess, the guitar proves that she loves him, which thus enables him to realize what she looks like, having forgotten during the like two hours he didn't see her after she left the house that morning. (Absence makes the heart grow dumber.) Or this is a really stupid commercial.
You know what doesn't make for a good commercial? One that has nothing to do with the product it's advertising. I don't care that she's shown ordering a guitar from Overstock, this ad says basically nothing about Overstock.com that a five-second title card reading "Overstock.com: We sell everything" couldn't. Other ways this ad could have gone:
* Show Rufus chewing on a dog treat; Milk-Bone graphic
* Show Joey and Rory sitting outside in bathtubs; Cialis logo (on a related note, those two are married? Really? Either Rory's hung like a stallion or Joey is so crazy no other man would go near her)
* Show Joey slapping Rory when she gets home; title card for Hardison + Mill, divorce specialists
* Just have the Kool-Aid Man jump into frame at the end; it makes as much sense as anything else
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Let's play "Guess the Advertiser"
Watch this commercial and pause it at 21 seconds. See if you can figure out what kind of company/organization this might be for...
Did you guess right? No? Dianetics didn't jump immediately to mind as a way to "conquer your own self-doubt?"
For those fortunate enough not to have heard of the subject, Dianetics is a laughably bullshit practice of Scientology. You can get "audited" by Scientology kooks with an "e-meter" to see how much stress you have in your life, and then they'll ask you to pay a ton of money for more tests, lessons, and creepily-written books by pseudo-religious crazy-man L. Ron Hubbard. Then there's stuff about thetans, and being "clear" and 95,000,000-year old galactic alien warlords named Xenu -- lots and lots of scary brainwashing. All part and parcel with Dianetics.
We've conquered the sea
Okay, I guess.
We've conquered the skies.
I suppose planes are pretty well-traveled nowadays, I'm still with you.
We've conquered the heavens.
Whaaaaa?? By "the heavens" do you mean the boundless stretch of the cosmos -- galaxy upon galaxy -- in the entire universe? We've orbited our own planet and put a man on our nearest celestial satellite. I wouldn't say we've quite "conquered the heavens." This isn't Star Trek.
But how can we conquer our own self-doubts?
Find out. Dianetics.org
Mm... right.
The best part about this ad is where and when I saw it -- on Comedy Central, in primetime, during an episode of South Park. The show whose creators lampooned the very religion responsible for Dianetics, and in doing so pissed off one of their vocal actors (a Scientologist himself) enough that he quit. What about that backstory made the Church of Scientology think buying time during South Park would be smart? Are they thinking they're going to get a lot of inquiries from the South Park viewership? How does this make any sense?
And, by the way, does anyone who follows a religion that worships an ancient galactic alien overlord really not have any "self-doubt"? Not even a little bit?
Did you guess right? No? Dianetics didn't jump immediately to mind as a way to "conquer your own self-doubt?"
For those fortunate enough not to have heard of the subject, Dianetics is a laughably bullshit practice of Scientology. You can get "audited" by Scientology kooks with an "e-meter" to see how much stress you have in your life, and then they'll ask you to pay a ton of money for more tests, lessons, and creepily-written books by pseudo-religious crazy-man L. Ron Hubbard. Then there's stuff about thetans, and being "clear" and 95,000,000-year old galactic alien warlords named Xenu -- lots and lots of scary brainwashing. All part and parcel with Dianetics.
We've conquered the sea
Okay, I guess.
We've conquered the skies.
I suppose planes are pretty well-traveled nowadays, I'm still with you.
We've conquered the heavens.
Whaaaaa?? By "the heavens" do you mean the boundless stretch of the cosmos -- galaxy upon galaxy -- in the entire universe? We've orbited our own planet and put a man on our nearest celestial satellite. I wouldn't say we've quite "conquered the heavens." This isn't Star Trek.
But how can we conquer our own self-doubts?
Find out. Dianetics.org
Mm... right.
The best part about this ad is where and when I saw it -- on Comedy Central, in primetime, during an episode of South Park. The show whose creators lampooned the very religion responsible for Dianetics, and in doing so pissed off one of their vocal actors (a Scientologist himself) enough that he quit. What about that backstory made the Church of Scientology think buying time during South Park would be smart? Are they thinking they're going to get a lot of inquiries from the South Park viewership? How does this make any sense?
And, by the way, does anyone who follows a religion that worships an ancient galactic alien overlord really not have any "self-doubt"? Not even a little bit?
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Private Jets Not Just for the Jet Set! (okay, actually they are)
I was watching some of the incredible Federer-Nadal Wimbledon final today on NBC, and I saw this commercial for a product called NetJets come on:
Okay, I know it's fancy-schmancy Wimbledon at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, but is this seriously a commercial for private jets in the middle of a national television broadcast? Hmm, yeah. Seems like it! All right, then, let's check it out....
Tennis is getting more and more that players have to peak for the big occasions.
The footage here is of a Roger Federer-Pete Sampras exhibition match in New York. That is the opposite of a "big occasion." Roger Federer could have beaten 86-year old Pete Sampras if he'd flown coach to JFK from Zurich on an Aer Lingus prop jet in a seat that didn't recline next to a screaming baby with SARS. Maybe if he were swooping in to play the US Open final, then he'd require a nice rest on a private plane.
Flying is tough. From checking in to losing luggage -- you need all your stuff to compete.
When do you suppose the last time is that Roger Federer had to wait in a line to check in at an airport? Or the last time he lost his luggage? I'm quite certain Roger Federer could fly Swiss Air first class, or whatever major airline, and not have any trouble dealing with lines or luggage or any of that other common airport pitfalls. He doesn't need his own jet for this.
You can make a phone call, and you can get to the next place as quick as possible.
Another way to get to the next place as quickly as possible? Book a ticket on a commercial airline. Hell, fly first class if you want to. If you fly Singapore, the only dilemma you'll face is whether you want a flute of Krug or Dom before you take off.
It's the best thing I've ever done, owning a jet.
Doesn't it sound like they spliced these last two bits together from a longer statement? Like maybe Federer actually said, "Winning five straight Wimbledon titles is the best thing I've ever done, and it sure as hell beats owning a jet, especially one with a goofy name like NetJets."
So the ad itself is a little goofy and a little too Roger Federer-worshipping. But it's nothing compared to the sheer absurdity of making a commercial for private jets in the first place (much less airing it on national TV on a Sunday afternoon!) Does Rolls-Royce advertise during American Idol? Do you see Harry Winston buying time during the NCAA tournament? The answer is "no," because fewer than 1% of Americans can afford those types of luxuries. There's something to be said for keeping up the brand image, but go place an ad in Cigar Aficionado or somewhere -- ol' Johnny Lunchbox truly doesn't need to know the names of private jet providers.
Just how unaffordable is NetJets? Well, you get the privilege of owning a part of a plane, kind of like a flying timeshare, and it's.... well, it's a lot of money:
NetJets fractional interests start at $416,625 (price based on 2008 deliveries and subject to change) for a 1/16 interest (the equivalent of 50 hours of annual flying time) in a Hawker 400XP. Prices vary depending on the aircraft type you choose. Finance, lease and pre-owned alternatives are also available.
That's half a million dollars, folks. And that's before you add the one-time acquisition cost, monthly management fee, occupied hourly fee and potential fuel surcharges. All that for 50 hours of annual flying time. And you don't even own your own jet! All that money would probably buy you a couple hundred first class tickets, on nice airlines, too. But then again, you'd have to suffer the indignity of sitting in the general vicinity of another person.
Anyway, I'm glad R-Fed likes his private jet. I'm guessing he owns his own outright, since he has $41 million in prize money alone. How many qualified consumers or small businesses, in the middle of a recession, saw these commercials and thought, "Yeah, I do want a private jet. I'm sick of losing my luggage and all of that other crap. I need all my stuff to compete!" Who is this aimed at? Any of, like, a couple hundred people in the entire country? It's a pretty niche message, and one that I'm guessing we won't see again on TV anytime soon.
Okay, I know it's fancy-schmancy Wimbledon at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club, but is this seriously a commercial for private jets in the middle of a national television broadcast? Hmm, yeah. Seems like it! All right, then, let's check it out....
Tennis is getting more and more that players have to peak for the big occasions.
The footage here is of a Roger Federer-Pete Sampras exhibition match in New York. That is the opposite of a "big occasion." Roger Federer could have beaten 86-year old Pete Sampras if he'd flown coach to JFK from Zurich on an Aer Lingus prop jet in a seat that didn't recline next to a screaming baby with SARS. Maybe if he were swooping in to play the US Open final, then he'd require a nice rest on a private plane.
Flying is tough. From checking in to losing luggage -- you need all your stuff to compete.
When do you suppose the last time is that Roger Federer had to wait in a line to check in at an airport? Or the last time he lost his luggage? I'm quite certain Roger Federer could fly Swiss Air first class, or whatever major airline, and not have any trouble dealing with lines or luggage or any of that other common airport pitfalls. He doesn't need his own jet for this.
You can make a phone call, and you can get to the next place as quick as possible.
Another way to get to the next place as quickly as possible? Book a ticket on a commercial airline. Hell, fly first class if you want to. If you fly Singapore, the only dilemma you'll face is whether you want a flute of Krug or Dom before you take off.
It's the best thing I've ever done, owning a jet.
Doesn't it sound like they spliced these last two bits together from a longer statement? Like maybe Federer actually said, "Winning five straight Wimbledon titles is the best thing I've ever done, and it sure as hell beats owning a jet, especially one with a goofy name like NetJets."
So the ad itself is a little goofy and a little too Roger Federer-worshipping. But it's nothing compared to the sheer absurdity of making a commercial for private jets in the first place (much less airing it on national TV on a Sunday afternoon!) Does Rolls-Royce advertise during American Idol? Do you see Harry Winston buying time during the NCAA tournament? The answer is "no," because fewer than 1% of Americans can afford those types of luxuries. There's something to be said for keeping up the brand image, but go place an ad in Cigar Aficionado or somewhere -- ol' Johnny Lunchbox truly doesn't need to know the names of private jet providers.
Just how unaffordable is NetJets? Well, you get the privilege of owning a part of a plane, kind of like a flying timeshare, and it's.... well, it's a lot of money:
NetJets fractional interests start at $416,625 (price based on 2008 deliveries and subject to change) for a 1/16 interest (the equivalent of 50 hours of annual flying time) in a Hawker 400XP. Prices vary depending on the aircraft type you choose. Finance, lease and pre-owned alternatives are also available.
That's half a million dollars, folks. And that's before you add the one-time acquisition cost, monthly management fee, occupied hourly fee and potential fuel surcharges. All that for 50 hours of annual flying time. And you don't even own your own jet! All that money would probably buy you a couple hundred first class tickets, on nice airlines, too. But then again, you'd have to suffer the indignity of sitting in the general vicinity of another person.
Anyway, I'm glad R-Fed likes his private jet. I'm guessing he owns his own outright, since he has $41 million in prize money alone. How many qualified consumers or small businesses, in the middle of a recession, saw these commercials and thought, "Yeah, I do want a private jet. I'm sick of losing my luggage and all of that other crap. I need all my stuff to compete!" Who is this aimed at? Any of, like, a couple hundred people in the entire country? It's a pretty niche message, and one that I'm guessing we won't see again on TV anytime soon.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Now that's a MAN's 40% off sale!
Sometimes I actually read my spam, especially when there are emails advertising big sales. And sometimes I stumble upon a true gem, like this ad from the camping and outdoor gear site Backcountry.com:
Here we have the featured shot, a couple guys grilling in the spirit of the 4th of July, which corresponds to the sale. Seems to make sense at first blush. But then you realize that these two have apparently lugged a full-size Weber grill to the top of a mountain. And after they fired up the grill and plopped down a couple of bratwurst and some weird-looking white things (chicken?), they reward themselves for all that strenuous labor by lighting us what appears to be marijuana. I guess it could be a cigarette, but then why is that hippie to the left reaching over for it?
"Hey, 4th of July's comin' up. Let's buy some meat, carry the grill up to the top of an arid mountain and smoke some weed. Just like last year."
I dunno, couldn't they have found a photograph that gets the spirit of the company and the sale across a little clearer? Instead of settling on the very first shot that came up on their Google Image search?
JULY 4TH SALE
BIG & JUICY
Hmm. Big and juicy, like the brats sizzling on that grill. Big and juicy, like the... backpacks you have on sale? Or the.... hitch bike carriers? Hey, what about this sale is big and juicy, exactly?
Also, most people say "4th of July" not "July 4th."
Up to 40% off
Shop Now!
Be like the guys in the picture, everybody! Shop for some sweet camping gear. And then grill out on the mountains while you enjoy some recreational drugs. Nothing says "I'm a hardcore outdoorsman" like juicy brats and pot.
Here we have the featured shot, a couple guys grilling in the spirit of the 4th of July, which corresponds to the sale. Seems to make sense at first blush. But then you realize that these two have apparently lugged a full-size Weber grill to the top of a mountain. And after they fired up the grill and plopped down a couple of bratwurst and some weird-looking white things (chicken?), they reward themselves for all that strenuous labor by lighting us what appears to be marijuana. I guess it could be a cigarette, but then why is that hippie to the left reaching over for it?
"Hey, 4th of July's comin' up. Let's buy some meat, carry the grill up to the top of an arid mountain and smoke some weed. Just like last year."
I dunno, couldn't they have found a photograph that gets the spirit of the company and the sale across a little clearer? Instead of settling on the very first shot that came up on their Google Image search?
JULY 4TH SALE
BIG & JUICY
Hmm. Big and juicy, like the brats sizzling on that grill. Big and juicy, like the... backpacks you have on sale? Or the.... hitch bike carriers? Hey, what about this sale is big and juicy, exactly?
Also, most people say "4th of July" not "July 4th."
Up to 40% off
Shop Now!
Be like the guys in the picture, everybody! Shop for some sweet camping gear. And then grill out on the mountains while you enjoy some recreational drugs. Nothing says "I'm a hardcore outdoorsman" like juicy brats and pot.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Let's just take a step back
I admire what Esurance has been able to do in the insurance world, but I think it's time to rein it in a little.
What the fuck? I'm serious - there may not be a more annoying 30 seconds on television right now if you ignore all messages and just focus on the ad's construction. I don't even know what "Esurance Fan Favorite" means - I'm guessing some kind of website vote of the sort, "Which song would you like us to use in an ad?" - but the fans needed some better choices if this is what won. The guy's clearly proficient with a guitar, but he can't possibly be serious with this - it's like he's just playing some awful joke on music. And if he is serious, I don't even know what to say.
But this is yet another step in Esurance's not-terribly-graceful path from "solid, to-the-point advertising campaign with an appealing look" to "choking on our own popularity." This ad, for example, has nothing to do with anything. I can't recall seeing another Esurance ad that didn't explicitly lay out their "Quote, Buy, Print" mantra; this plays more like the opening credits for the upcoming Erin Esurance animated TV series. (Frankly, I'm getting a little worried now.)
The problem is that Erin Esurance got a little too popular. Like, popular in ways that it's fucking creepy how popular. I'm not going to link to the YTMND.com page where she's naked, but I'm sure you can figure out how to use Google (you got here, didn't you?). And that's the unofficial stuff; we all know how scary the internet can get. But there's an "Erin Esurance Fan Fiction" page on Esurance's own website. (The worst part about that is that there's no indication whatsoever that it was actually written by some fan, which means they probably forced some intern to churn it out. I mean, it's just as well, because the last thing we needed was a company posting, like, Erin/Mrs. Butterworth slash fiction on its website, but why include it at all?)
Esurance hasn't exactly dissuaded anyone from this type of behavior, either; her ass is drawn a little too lovingly in this ad (about 12 seconds in). They've even got a helpful "photo gallery" (really just a bunch of stills from the various ads) on their site, where we find this shot from a couple seconds later in that same ad:
You see what I mean by "a little too lovingly," right?
There's nothing inherently wrong with sex appeal in commercials, and a subject like auto insurance couldn't hurt to have some sprucing up... but we're talking animated characters here. And not just that, but pretty much actively inviting the audience to masturbate to said character. It's like having Jessica Rabbit sell mutual funds; possibly effective, but a little weird.
I guess if it creates an army of Esurance loyalists, then more power to them; they got what they wanted. But that brings me back to the ad that started this whole discussion. I hate it for some of the same reasons why I hate this Mac vs. PC ad - it's just a kind of weird in-joke for people who already have Esurance. It strips the message out of the ad entirely - if, for some reason, you didn't know or couldn't guess what Esurance was from the name, this ad would baffle you until the last two seconds, by which point you would probably have already turned it off because the guy's voice is so annoying. This is an effective ad? It's just catering to the fans. Maybe if you're a big beer company you can make your commercial as ridiculous and unconnected to beer as you want; your product sells itself. Does Esurance sell itself? Not sure we're at that point yet. Pull it back in, guys.
What the fuck? I'm serious - there may not be a more annoying 30 seconds on television right now if you ignore all messages and just focus on the ad's construction. I don't even know what "Esurance Fan Favorite" means - I'm guessing some kind of website vote of the sort, "Which song would you like us to use in an ad?" - but the fans needed some better choices if this is what won. The guy's clearly proficient with a guitar, but he can't possibly be serious with this - it's like he's just playing some awful joke on music. And if he is serious, I don't even know what to say.
But this is yet another step in Esurance's not-terribly-graceful path from "solid, to-the-point advertising campaign with an appealing look" to "choking on our own popularity." This ad, for example, has nothing to do with anything. I can't recall seeing another Esurance ad that didn't explicitly lay out their "Quote, Buy, Print" mantra; this plays more like the opening credits for the upcoming Erin Esurance animated TV series. (Frankly, I'm getting a little worried now.)
The problem is that Erin Esurance got a little too popular. Like, popular in ways that it's fucking creepy how popular. I'm not going to link to the YTMND.com page where she's naked, but I'm sure you can figure out how to use Google (you got here, didn't you?). And that's the unofficial stuff; we all know how scary the internet can get. But there's an "Erin Esurance Fan Fiction" page on Esurance's own website. (The worst part about that is that there's no indication whatsoever that it was actually written by some fan, which means they probably forced some intern to churn it out. I mean, it's just as well, because the last thing we needed was a company posting, like, Erin/Mrs. Butterworth slash fiction on its website, but why include it at all?)
Esurance hasn't exactly dissuaded anyone from this type of behavior, either; her ass is drawn a little too lovingly in this ad (about 12 seconds in). They've even got a helpful "photo gallery" (really just a bunch of stills from the various ads) on their site, where we find this shot from a couple seconds later in that same ad:
You see what I mean by "a little too lovingly," right?
There's nothing inherently wrong with sex appeal in commercials, and a subject like auto insurance couldn't hurt to have some sprucing up... but we're talking animated characters here. And not just that, but pretty much actively inviting the audience to masturbate to said character. It's like having Jessica Rabbit sell mutual funds; possibly effective, but a little weird.
I guess if it creates an army of Esurance loyalists, then more power to them; they got what they wanted. But that brings me back to the ad that started this whole discussion. I hate it for some of the same reasons why I hate this Mac vs. PC ad - it's just a kind of weird in-joke for people who already have Esurance. It strips the message out of the ad entirely - if, for some reason, you didn't know or couldn't guess what Esurance was from the name, this ad would baffle you until the last two seconds, by which point you would probably have already turned it off because the guy's voice is so annoying. This is an effective ad? It's just catering to the fans. Maybe if you're a big beer company you can make your commercial as ridiculous and unconnected to beer as you want; your product sells itself. Does Esurance sell itself? Not sure we're at that point yet. Pull it back in, guys.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Southern snoozepitality
This commercial is hardly offensively bad. But wow, does it just go on.
Man: "Population of Lynchburg, 361."
Facts about Lynchburg: 1. Mentions of Jack Daniel's: 0. This will become something of a running theme.
Man: "About 8:00 in the morning Lynchburg kinda comes to life."
Other Man: "You might hear a dog bark every once in a while."
Another Man: "We're pretty normal people, we just live in a slower-paced."
That last guy was speaking so slowly that the ad people just cut off his last word, because they couldn't let the commercial run three more minutes so he'd actually have time to say it.
Guy with Glasses: "We ain't in no hurry around here, it takes a lot of waiting to make good whiskey."
Believe me, it's quite obvious that no one involved with this commercial is in any kind of hurry.
[brief scenes of whiskey actually being made]
Guy: "Everybody knows everybody."
Randy Baxter: "My name is Randy Baxter."
Other Dude: "Randy Baxter? Everybody 'round here knows him as Goose."
Another Dude: "Goose!"
Sammy: "Goose Baxter! You know Big Goose."
I know more about Big Goose at this point than I know about Jack Daniel's. Is this an ad for the Lynchburg Tourism Bureau?
Guy with Glasses: "Sammy's just Sammy."
Sammy: "My grandpa told me, he said, 'Sammy-'"
Another Guy Again: "Sammy, he's a talker."
Sammy: "'I don't want you off the ground any higher than your horse's back, and I don't want you in water deeper than the bathtub.'"
Never mind, this isn't selling me on Lynchburg itself, either. For those of you keeping score, we now know more about Sammy's grandfather's house rules than we do about making Jack Daniel's. Or anything about Jack Daniel's. Do these guys even work for the company? Where did they pull them from?
Some Other Guy: "When you get through talking, you're trying to figure out what he said."
Good thing you gave him like ten full seconds of your ad, then.
[everyone laughs]
I am asleep.
Voiceover: "Lynchburg, Tennessee. Every drop of Jack Daniel's ever made, we've made right here."
"And you wouldn't believe how hard it was to make that whiskey with Sammy there talking your ear off! That Sammy! Ha ha ha! What a character! I remember that time his grandpa told him not to go in water that was too deep so he wouldn't drown. Wakka wakka!"
Come on, Jack Daniel's. I know the brand sells itself at this point, but why bother advertising at all if this is what you're going to do with it? Do you think the primary demographic of 19-year-old college kids gives a shit about Big Goose Baxter? Why even spend the money to air it? Couldn't you just use that to pay for more duckling feed or whatever the shit you're doing down there that has very little to do with whiskey?
Man: "Population of Lynchburg, 361."
Facts about Lynchburg: 1. Mentions of Jack Daniel's: 0. This will become something of a running theme.
Man: "About 8:00 in the morning Lynchburg kinda comes to life."
Other Man: "You might hear a dog bark every once in a while."
Another Man: "We're pretty normal people, we just live in a slower-paced."
That last guy was speaking so slowly that the ad people just cut off his last word, because they couldn't let the commercial run three more minutes so he'd actually have time to say it.
Guy with Glasses: "We ain't in no hurry around here, it takes a lot of waiting to make good whiskey."
Believe me, it's quite obvious that no one involved with this commercial is in any kind of hurry.
[brief scenes of whiskey actually being made]
Guy: "Everybody knows everybody."
Randy Baxter: "My name is Randy Baxter."
Other Dude: "Randy Baxter? Everybody 'round here knows him as Goose."
Another Dude: "Goose!"
Sammy: "Goose Baxter! You know Big Goose."
I know more about Big Goose at this point than I know about Jack Daniel's. Is this an ad for the Lynchburg Tourism Bureau?
Guy with Glasses: "Sammy's just Sammy."
Sammy: "My grandpa told me, he said, 'Sammy-'"
Another Guy Again: "Sammy, he's a talker."
Sammy: "'I don't want you off the ground any higher than your horse's back, and I don't want you in water deeper than the bathtub.'"
Never mind, this isn't selling me on Lynchburg itself, either. For those of you keeping score, we now know more about Sammy's grandfather's house rules than we do about making Jack Daniel's. Or anything about Jack Daniel's. Do these guys even work for the company? Where did they pull them from?
Some Other Guy: "When you get through talking, you're trying to figure out what he said."
Good thing you gave him like ten full seconds of your ad, then.
[everyone laughs]
I am asleep.
Voiceover: "Lynchburg, Tennessee. Every drop of Jack Daniel's ever made, we've made right here."
"And you wouldn't believe how hard it was to make that whiskey with Sammy there talking your ear off! That Sammy! Ha ha ha! What a character! I remember that time his grandpa told him not to go in water that was too deep so he wouldn't drown. Wakka wakka!"
Come on, Jack Daniel's. I know the brand sells itself at this point, but why bother advertising at all if this is what you're going to do with it? Do you think the primary demographic of 19-year-old college kids gives a shit about Big Goose Baxter? Why even spend the money to air it? Couldn't you just use that to pay for more duckling feed or whatever the shit you're doing down there that has very little to do with whiskey?
Friday, January 18, 2008
Vote or diet
One of the hoariest expressions in the English language is "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." That's probably a little strong for this Pizza Hut ad, but no matter how nobly-intentioned it is, it's really just not any good.
"Say, did you hear about RECENT POLITICAL NEWS? Those fat cats should do what's best for the common, pizza-eating man! I may just vote on LUDICROUSLY OVER-GENERALIZED POLICY ISSUE!"
Perhaps it's because the spot doesn't actually sell their product, but Pizza Hut doesn't seem to have given this ad much of a budget. It looks like it was filmed with two theater majors on the first day of improv class; I refuse to insult Pizza Hut's marketing team by suggesting that any of the dialogue actually needed to be written down on paper.
Guy 1: "What's up?"
Guy 2: "Just eating some pizza. Check this out. Look at all these presidential candidates talking about change. They're gonna change this, change that... know what I'd like? A little extra change in my pocket."
Sir, I congratulate you. A play on words worthy of Shakespeare. Seriously, could that joke be any older? I think the first recorded use was in this vaudeville routine from 1896:
Guy 1: "I hear you. I may just sit this election out!"
Guy 2: "No, come on, man, you've got a voice! Go use it! You know, you can change history if you just vote."
Guy 1: "Yeah, you're right - I'm voting!"
I hope he isn't that easily swayed when it comes to policy issues. The youth vote has been notoriously hard to mobilize, but the idea of millions of college kids marching to the polls because Pizza Hut told them to is a little weird, isn't it? And what kind of twisted logic leads you to conclude that an unhappiness with the current state of political affairs - whatever that means in this excessively generic case - means that not voting is the best idea, even if you're only concluding that for two seconds until your roommate uses his powers of persuasion on you?
Guy 1: "How about sharing a slice of pizza for a change?"
Ooh, callback! Nice, dude. Very nice.
Guy 2: "Dude, I... two??"
Well, that fell apart in a hurry, didn't it? Archibald Blatherschmidt's Sideshow of Mirth always made much more graceful exits. They just don't make 'em like they used to.
I'm just confused. Did this win some student film contest of which we were not notified? Was this the only take shot with the lens cap off? There has to be some reason for why something so generally limp and shoddy made it to air, doesn't there? I appreciate the sentiment, Pizza Hut, but given the cynicism of the demographic you're targeting, I think you needed something just a little less shitty. Not every argument on the merits of voting can begin and end with, "No, dude, you totally should." And give Pizza Hut credit for not sticking a product shill into the ad - the Pizza Mia box gets placement, of course, but you kind of have to already know what it is to really recognize it as anything other than a generic Pizza Hut box - but it's kind of odd to see an ad that doesn't pitch a product, especially when the election is still more than nine months away. Think of all the kids rolling out of bed on November 5. "Hey, man, were we supposed to do something for Pizza Hut yesterday?" "Shit, dude, I don't know. You up for some Taco Bell?"
"Say, did you hear about RECENT POLITICAL NEWS? Those fat cats should do what's best for the common, pizza-eating man! I may just vote on LUDICROUSLY OVER-GENERALIZED POLICY ISSUE!"
Perhaps it's because the spot doesn't actually sell their product, but Pizza Hut doesn't seem to have given this ad much of a budget. It looks like it was filmed with two theater majors on the first day of improv class; I refuse to insult Pizza Hut's marketing team by suggesting that any of the dialogue actually needed to be written down on paper.
Guy 1: "What's up?"
Guy 2: "Just eating some pizza. Check this out. Look at all these presidential candidates talking about change. They're gonna change this, change that... know what I'd like? A little extra change in my pocket."
Sir, I congratulate you. A play on words worthy of Shakespeare. Seriously, could that joke be any older? I think the first recorded use was in this vaudeville routine from 1896:
Archibald T. Blatherschmidt: "I say, Bartleby, that William Jennings Bryan is always talking about silver. Silver this, silver that... know what I'd like?"
Bartleby J. Straightman: "What is it that you would like, Archibald?"
Archibald T. Blatherschmidt: "A little extra silver in my pocket!"
[general merriment]
Guy 1: "I hear you. I may just sit this election out!"
Guy 2: "No, come on, man, you've got a voice! Go use it! You know, you can change history if you just vote."
Guy 1: "Yeah, you're right - I'm voting!"
I hope he isn't that easily swayed when it comes to policy issues. The youth vote has been notoriously hard to mobilize, but the idea of millions of college kids marching to the polls because Pizza Hut told them to is a little weird, isn't it? And what kind of twisted logic leads you to conclude that an unhappiness with the current state of political affairs - whatever that means in this excessively generic case - means that not voting is the best idea, even if you're only concluding that for two seconds until your roommate uses his powers of persuasion on you?
Guy 1: "How about sharing a slice of pizza for a change?"
Ooh, callback! Nice, dude. Very nice.
Guy 2: "Dude, I... two??"
Well, that fell apart in a hurry, didn't it? Archibald Blatherschmidt's Sideshow of Mirth always made much more graceful exits. They just don't make 'em like they used to.
I'm just confused. Did this win some student film contest of which we were not notified? Was this the only take shot with the lens cap off? There has to be some reason for why something so generally limp and shoddy made it to air, doesn't there? I appreciate the sentiment, Pizza Hut, but given the cynicism of the demographic you're targeting, I think you needed something just a little less shitty. Not every argument on the merits of voting can begin and end with, "No, dude, you totally should." And give Pizza Hut credit for not sticking a product shill into the ad - the Pizza Mia box gets placement, of course, but you kind of have to already know what it is to really recognize it as anything other than a generic Pizza Hut box - but it's kind of odd to see an ad that doesn't pitch a product, especially when the election is still more than nine months away. Think of all the kids rolling out of bed on November 5. "Hey, man, were we supposed to do something for Pizza Hut yesterday?" "Shit, dude, I don't know. You up for some Taco Bell?"
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Hi, I think this commercial sucks
I have always hated the Mac vs. PC ads. The primary reason is that I find them unforgivably smug, but I'm also a PC user who hasn't been a fan of the Mac interface historically, so I've resisted criticizing them because I thought I might just come off as "kinda bitter PC-using guy." But at the risk of doing that, this ad is fucking retarded.
I'm okay - in an "annoyed by the ads, but at least seeing their effectiveness in conveying their message" kind of way - with a lot of the ads in this series. But this one just sucks. I don't care if Mac wants to make ads about "oh, peripherals are easier to use on a Mac" or "Macs don't get spyware and viruses" - they're still smug as all get-out, but at least they can be smug with some justification.
This ad, though? Not so much. I suppose it was just bad luck that Apple went with the Claymation gimmick right at the same time as Alltel - whose ads, frankly, look a lot better as Rankin/Bass parodies than does this one - so I won't give them any grief about being unoriginal (although parody, by its nature, is kind of unoriginal). My issue with this ad is that it's barely even an ad. Does it tell us anything about the Mac? No. Does it tell us why Macs are better than PCs? No. All it does is say, "Look what a dork PC is! Huh? Huh?" It's not a commercial for a Mac, it's a 30-second excuse for Mac owners to feel smug and cool. It's preaching to the converted. Basically, it's a total waste of money. Do you know what Mac's market share is? Less than 7%. Wow! Granted, that number has been growing in recent years... but it's grown all the way to 7%. Windows machines, meanwhile, are well over 90%. I think it's a little early for Apple to drop the "here's why Macs are better" campaign in exchange for a "PCs suck, haw haw" campaign, given that the latter is directed almost exclusively at people who are already Mac users and there just aren't that many of them.
I'm convinced that the only people who like ads like this are the people who already use the product and dislike the competition that's being mocked, so why do companies think ads like this are going to work? At least when Pepsi does it I can think, "Well, it's not like they have much to say about how much better their product is given that it tastes almost exactly the same." If the differences between Macs and PCs are enormous, maybe you want to highlight that. What happens when you make fun of PCs - and, by extension, their users - for being stupid and uncool is not that everyone using a PC goes, "Oh man! What was I thinking?" What happens is a lot of them get turned off by your message and resolve not to use Macs even when you point out the differences.
Mac market share has ticked up a little since this ad campaign started, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that has more to do with general Mac awareness and the fact that Apple makes other popular products (like the iPod) that get people into the Apple store and generally more into the brand. I really don't think anyone is seeing this ad and thinking, "Man, that guy representing the entire range of PCs is less cool than that Mac dude. Why am I not using a Mac right this very second?" Fucking say something about why your product is better. You know, like you do in your other ads, the ones that don't suck quite as much.
I'm okay - in an "annoyed by the ads, but at least seeing their effectiveness in conveying their message" kind of way - with a lot of the ads in this series. But this one just sucks. I don't care if Mac wants to make ads about "oh, peripherals are easier to use on a Mac" or "Macs don't get spyware and viruses" - they're still smug as all get-out, but at least they can be smug with some justification.
This ad, though? Not so much. I suppose it was just bad luck that Apple went with the Claymation gimmick right at the same time as Alltel - whose ads, frankly, look a lot better as Rankin/Bass parodies than does this one - so I won't give them any grief about being unoriginal (although parody, by its nature, is kind of unoriginal). My issue with this ad is that it's barely even an ad. Does it tell us anything about the Mac? No. Does it tell us why Macs are better than PCs? No. All it does is say, "Look what a dork PC is! Huh? Huh?" It's not a commercial for a Mac, it's a 30-second excuse for Mac owners to feel smug and cool. It's preaching to the converted. Basically, it's a total waste of money. Do you know what Mac's market share is? Less than 7%. Wow! Granted, that number has been growing in recent years... but it's grown all the way to 7%. Windows machines, meanwhile, are well over 90%. I think it's a little early for Apple to drop the "here's why Macs are better" campaign in exchange for a "PCs suck, haw haw" campaign, given that the latter is directed almost exclusively at people who are already Mac users and there just aren't that many of them.
I'm convinced that the only people who like ads like this are the people who already use the product and dislike the competition that's being mocked, so why do companies think ads like this are going to work? At least when Pepsi does it I can think, "Well, it's not like they have much to say about how much better their product is given that it tastes almost exactly the same." If the differences between Macs and PCs are enormous, maybe you want to highlight that. What happens when you make fun of PCs - and, by extension, their users - for being stupid and uncool is not that everyone using a PC goes, "Oh man! What was I thinking?" What happens is a lot of them get turned off by your message and resolve not to use Macs even when you point out the differences.
Mac market share has ticked up a little since this ad campaign started, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that has more to do with general Mac awareness and the fact that Apple makes other popular products (like the iPod) that get people into the Apple store and generally more into the brand. I really don't think anyone is seeing this ad and thinking, "Man, that guy representing the entire range of PCs is less cool than that Mac dude. Why am I not using a Mac right this very second?" Fucking say something about why your product is better. You know, like you do in your other ads, the ones that don't suck quite as much.
Monday, November 12, 2007
What the hell are you selling?
You may have seen the HP commercials where they show some famous person's hands displaying the features of their laptops. They've used Serena Williams, Vera Wang, Jay-Z and others in the past, and their newest iteration features comedian Jerry Seinfeld. For those of you familiar with his stand up routines and eponymously named television show, you probably remember Seinfeld as being funny -- hilarious, even. Prepare to be surprised:
Seinfeld: Well If I'm going to do one of those HP computer hand commercial things, I gotta be impressive.
Very "meta" here right at the beginning -- referencing the ad campaign you're currently extending. I guess that's one way to go. Perhaps rather than attempting to be "impressive," Seinfeld should have tried to be "funny."
Seinfeld: Here's my newly-designed basketball stadium. Wait, that's not me.
This is the "funny" part. Don't get it? Why, didn't you see and somehow remember every detail in this other HP commercial a few years ago? Now do you understand the hilarity? If you didn't guffaw the first time you heard his joke, I urge you to write a note of apology and send it to Mr. Seinfeld.
Seinfeld: I did a TV show about New York, and now I've made a movie that takes place in New York, except in this, I'm a bee!
Man, can't a guy just watch a 1-minute commercial for a computer company without a million interruptions? Not only do we get a plug for the '90's hit sit-com "Seinfeld," but we also get one for the long-hyped, heroically-publicized "Bee Movie."
Incidentally, "Bee Movie" currently has a 51% positive review rating on Rotten Tomatoes. That = not good.
Seinfeld: Hang on, message from the wife - oh, it's a manuscript for her new cookbook that gets kids eatin' better without them knowing it. There's carrots in there, ya know.
Another non-HP product: Jessica Seinfeld's book, "Deceptively Delicious." Now, this one I'm pretty sure they don't want to be associated with. Turns out the publisher of Seinfeld's book turned down the manuscript for a nearly-identical cookbook called "The Sneaky Chef" half a year before "Deceptively Delicious" came out.
In defending his wife against claims of plagiarism, Seinfeld took the high road -- calling "The Sneaky Chef"'s author a "wacko" and would-be assassin. Comedy gold.
Seinfeld: She's a genius.
Top 5 Smartest Things in History
1. Theory of Relativity
2. "Principia Mathematica"
3. Mapping the Human Genome
4. Baking spinach into brownies, making them incrementally healthier
5. Theory of Natural Selection
Seinfeld: Oh, message from DreamWorks - don't forget, two "Bee Movie" mentions in HP spot.
Another third party mention with the studio name drop. What's worse, plugging your movie in a commercial for an unrelated product, or calling attention to the fact that you mandated that very same plug?
For the record, it's actually three mentions ("Bee Movie" logo appears on-screen at the end.)
Seinfeld: You know what? This is a business lunch.
Oh, don't worry -- we picked up on that. Whatever you're doing, Seinfeld, it's definitely unrelated to comedy.
Announcer: The HP Pavilion Entertainment notebook with Windows Vista Home Premium.
Final non-HP product tally in this HP commercial: "Bee Movie," "Deceptively Delicious," DreamWorks, "Bee Movie" again, Windows, Vista, "Bee Movie" a-fucking-gain.
7 other product mentions in your commercial. And what was it, exactly, that you wanted me to buy, HP?
Seinfeld: Well If I'm going to do one of those HP computer hand commercial things, I gotta be impressive.
Very "meta" here right at the beginning -- referencing the ad campaign you're currently extending. I guess that's one way to go. Perhaps rather than attempting to be "impressive," Seinfeld should have tried to be "funny."
Seinfeld: Here's my newly-designed basketball stadium. Wait, that's not me.
This is the "funny" part. Don't get it? Why, didn't you see and somehow remember every detail in this other HP commercial a few years ago? Now do you understand the hilarity? If you didn't guffaw the first time you heard his joke, I urge you to write a note of apology and send it to Mr. Seinfeld.
Seinfeld: I did a TV show about New York, and now I've made a movie that takes place in New York, except in this, I'm a bee!
Man, can't a guy just watch a 1-minute commercial for a computer company without a million interruptions? Not only do we get a plug for the '90's hit sit-com "Seinfeld," but we also get one for the long-hyped, heroically-publicized "Bee Movie."
Incidentally, "Bee Movie" currently has a 51% positive review rating on Rotten Tomatoes. That = not good.
Seinfeld: Hang on, message from the wife - oh, it's a manuscript for her new cookbook that gets kids eatin' better without them knowing it. There's carrots in there, ya know.
Another non-HP product: Jessica Seinfeld's book, "Deceptively Delicious." Now, this one I'm pretty sure they don't want to be associated with. Turns out the publisher of Seinfeld's book turned down the manuscript for a nearly-identical cookbook called "The Sneaky Chef" half a year before "Deceptively Delicious" came out.
In defending his wife against claims of plagiarism, Seinfeld took the high road -- calling "The Sneaky Chef"'s author a "wacko" and would-be assassin. Comedy gold.
Seinfeld: She's a genius.
Top 5 Smartest Things in History
1. Theory of Relativity
2. "Principia Mathematica"
3. Mapping the Human Genome
4. Baking spinach into brownies, making them incrementally healthier
5. Theory of Natural Selection
Seinfeld: Oh, message from DreamWorks - don't forget, two "Bee Movie" mentions in HP spot.
Another third party mention with the studio name drop. What's worse, plugging your movie in a commercial for an unrelated product, or calling attention to the fact that you mandated that very same plug?
For the record, it's actually three mentions ("Bee Movie" logo appears on-screen at the end.)
Seinfeld: You know what? This is a business lunch.
Oh, don't worry -- we picked up on that. Whatever you're doing, Seinfeld, it's definitely unrelated to comedy.
Announcer: The HP Pavilion Entertainment notebook with Windows Vista Home Premium.
Final non-HP product tally in this HP commercial: "Bee Movie," "Deceptively Delicious," DreamWorks, "Bee Movie" again, Windows, Vista, "Bee Movie" a-fucking-gain.
7 other product mentions in your commercial. And what was it, exactly, that you wanted me to buy, HP?
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