It's nice to know that, as a man, less than nothing is expected of me.
Is there really a man on the planet who would think that "Dear Kim: Your rack is unreal" is an appropriate sentiment to put on a Valentine's Day card? Or any card? Come on. I know this is hyperbole, but surely this guy could have choked out the most basic thing like "I love you," right?
Teleflora's 2009 ad went with the curious tactic of claiming that it didn't do something that none of its competitors was doing either. This year, they're going with just calling their potential customers morons, which I'm sure is always real good for sales. Here's the pitch:
"Teleflora says it beautifully. Because frankly, you can't."
Well, I can't turn into a flower and stuff myself into a vase, but otherwise I'm pretty sure I can get this shit handled, assholes. I don't think you have sonnet writers on staff over there.
Also, so, okay. The guy is already sending flowers; he's just writing a shitty note to go with them. Is the implication, then, that it doesn't even matter what he writes because it's accompanying a bouquet of flowers? Because I would kind of hope that most women would be incrementally more demanding. "Well, this is certainly a stupid and inappropriate thing to send me... but flowers are pretty! All is forgiven!" The gender stereotype exacta of "men like boobs, women like presents" has rarely been so perfectly hit.