Remember Overstock.com? One of like five companies that survived the dot-com bust of the early 2000s? Sells surplus stuff? Well, if you haven't heard of them recently, surely this commercial starring two people you've never heard of will jog your memory.
On-Screen Title: "A Love Story"
Rory: "Hey Joey, I wrote a song about you!"
Actually what he says is "I wrote a song aboutcha," but I'll be damned if I'm going to type all the dialogue that way.
Rory: [unfortunately, singing] "Her hair is yellow like a bale of hay, blue eyes like a sky on a summer day..."
Joey: "Yellow hair? Blue eyes? Sounds just like me." [hangs up phone, returns to surfing Overstock.com]
"Let's see here... Overstock.com... books... ah, here we go: Chicken Soup for the Soul's Divorce and Recovery. Ooh, and it's in paperback!"
What she actually does is buy him a guitar. Because the problem with the song was the music and not the lyrics. (Okay, it was also the music, but I don't think the guitar is going to help matters.)
Rory: [singing again, sadly] "Her eyes are brown... her legs are long..."
Joey: [cutting him off] "His hair is red, and his love is strong."
So strong that he didn't know what color your hair was until you bought him something? What is the point of this ad?
On-Screen Title: "In Hardison Mill, Tennessee, it's Joey and Rory"
Who else is there? Who else? I demand to know their dog's name!
"At home with the 'O'"
What the fuck? No, seriously, what the fuck? Is Overstock taking credit for saving their marriage by magically allowing Rory to figure out what color Joey's hair is through the power of instrumental music? (Fuck that a cappella shit.)
If you haven't heard of Joey and Rory, you're not alone. Apparently they're some sort of country duo who placed third (all of third!) on Country Music Television's show Can You Duet?, which I'm forced to assume is some sort of half-assed American Idol substitute. I hope Overstock.com didn't break their advertising budget signing up these two when any two people who were capable of carrying a tune would have worked exactly as well. (Of course, when you hire Joey and Rory, Rufus will actually waive his usual appearance fee, and I mean, if you can get Rufus in your commercial, you might as well start printing money.)
"Overstock.com. Touchingly low prices."
Apparently this ad was supposed to be touching. And I'm guessing they don't mean index finger touching uvula.
Rory: "My hair's not red!"
Oh, shit, y'all! Better buy Joey her own guitar, dude. Because Overstock guitars will give you the power of color vision, or so I've been led to believe.
So, the only real explanation I can come up with is that Rory is supposed to be a songwriting incompetent - to the extent that he has no idea what his own wife looks like - until he receives a magical Overstock guitar? Or, I guess, the guitar proves that she loves him, which thus enables him to realize what she looks like, having forgotten during the like two hours he didn't see her after she left the house that morning. (Absence makes the heart grow dumber.) Or this is a really stupid commercial.
You know what doesn't make for a good commercial? One that has nothing to do with the product it's advertising. I don't care that she's shown ordering a guitar from Overstock, this ad says basically nothing about Overstock.com that a five-second title card reading "Overstock.com: We sell everything" couldn't. Other ways this ad could have gone:
* Show Rufus chewing on a dog treat; Milk-Bone graphic
* Show Joey and Rory sitting outside in bathtubs; Cialis logo (on a related note, those two are married? Really? Either Rory's hung like a stallion or Joey is so crazy no other man would go near her)
* Show Joey slapping Rory when she gets home; title card for Hardison + Mill, divorce specialists
* Just have the Kool-Aid Man jump into frame at the end; it makes as much sense as anything else