Thursday, October 25, 2007

"We're the MTV generation, we feel neither highs nor lows."

Hey, do you have any fond memories of spending time with your family? Maybe learning things, or making things, or cooking together? Something like this?

[music: Israel Kamakawiwo╩╗ole's Somewhere Over the Rainbow]

Mom: Okay, go ahead and get the box and pour it in for me. There we go. Good! (idle chatter, children making cute noises)

Announcer: The problem with making Rice Krispie Squares with your kids... is that it just doesn't take long enough. Rice Krispies! Moms just know.

Well, maybe it wasn't exactly this idyllic, and probably not all sepia-tinted either. But it's way better than the idea behind this soulless Duncan Hines product, which gives a big ol' "fuck you" to spending anything but the bare minimum of time with your kids.

["music": Stomp, or Clomp, or some other piece of crap as interpreted by obnoxious kids with spoons and cookware]

Announcer: Introducing Duncan Hines Oven Ready Home Style Brownies! Brownies that go straight from the freezer to the oven to delicious. No pots, no pans and no bowls! But don't worry! There are plenty of other ways to use them! Duncan Hines Oven Ready Home Style Brownies. The breakthrough for brownie lovers!

The breakthrough for lazy chocoholics- I mean, brownie lovers. Oh no, what I mean to say, is that I definitely love my kids way more than I love brownies. And now, time for my 4PM vodka tonic- straight from the bottle, to my stomach, to take that pan into the living room to eat it, you little ingrates, Mama's sick of looking at you.


Windier E. Megatons said...

To be fair to this woman, the implication is that it used to take her approximately 17 pans and bowls to make a single tray of brownies. Duncan Hines is doing her a favor by taking over the preparation side of it, really.

Quivering P. Landmass said...

At that point, I'd just assume buy pre-made brownies at the bakery and stick them in the microwave once I got home. Who has time to bake anything anyway? I want the food directly from the store into my craw. Warm is a convenience, not a necessity. I'm an American, after all.

c12h22o11 said...

I also just noticed that nobody says a word to anyone during the second commercial- it's spoons, pots, spoons, then big smile from Mom into the freezer, then she bakes them up, then the kids wordlessly cram the brownies into their mouths. Fan-freaking-tastic.