[music: Israel Kamakawiwoʻole's Somewhere Over the Rainbow]
Mom: Okay, go ahead and get the box and pour it in for me. There we go. Good! (idle chatter, children making cute noises)
Announcer: The problem with making Rice Krispie Squares with your kids... is that it just doesn't take long enough. Rice Krispies! Moms just know.
Well, maybe it wasn't exactly this idyllic, and probably not all sepia-tinted either. But it's way better than the idea behind this soulless Duncan Hines product, which gives a big ol' "fuck you" to spending anything but the bare minimum of time with your kids.
["music": Stomp, or Clomp, or some other piece of crap as interpreted by obnoxious kids with spoons and cookware]
Announcer: Introducing Duncan Hines Oven Ready Home Style Brownies! Brownies that go straight from the freezer to the oven to delicious. No pots, no pans and no bowls! But don't worry! There are plenty of other ways to use them! Duncan Hines Oven Ready Home Style Brownies. The breakthrough for brownie lovers!
The breakthrough for lazy chocoholics- I mean, brownie lovers. Oh no, what I mean to say, is that I definitely love my kids way more than I love brownies. And now, time for my 4PM vodka tonic- straight from the bottle, to my stomach, to take that pan into the living room to eat it, you little ingrates, Mama's sick of looking at you.