Tying in with yesterday's State Farm post, I wanted to write up this ridiculous Honda Civic ad in which they outright claim that it will get you hired for a job you might not be qualified for. (Do you also need to have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night?) I couldn't find it, because for some reason people aren't lining up to upload boring, shitty car ads to YouTube. So instead we'll just talk about this AT&T ad, because it's just about as stupid.
Sure, okay, it can take some lucky breaks to get ahead in life. The ridiculous degree to which that idea is blown out in this commercial just makes my head spin, however. Questions I have:
* What was she even doing? So, she walks to the bottom of her steps, checks on a finishing download, and then immediately puts her phone back away? Why did she even need to get the phone out in the first place? Oh, because if she doesn't drop her shoes while putting the phone back away, the people would walk right past her. One second of contrived bullshit can make all the difference!
* These apparently quite influential ballet people will just invite any old person with ballet shoes in for an audition? "Oh, you do ballet? Well, even though if you were good enough to dance the lead in a show you probably wouldn't be dancing alone in some dark studio in your early 20s, why don't you come down for a tryout?"
* How many possible times in life can there be when doing something now versus three seconds from now actually matters and yet you also have time and/or a legitimate reason to download something on your smartphone?
[The Old West, 1887.]
Outlaw Cactus Joe: Well, it's just you and me, Sheriff. A duel to the death! As soon as the bell in the old clock tower chimes, we draw!
Sheriff Bill: Your reign of terror is almost over, Joe. Hmm, maybe I should download Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" for afterwards... [pulls out smartphone]
Daisy Mae: Sheriff, for God's sake! Now's not the time for downloads!
Sheriff Bill: Don't you worry, Daisy Mae. I'll have this song downloaded in plenty of time... say, this wireless network is just crawling right now.
Daisy Mae: [sobbing] Oh, Sheriff! You can't download that quickly with Verizon! It's only AT&T that has the nation's fastest download speeds!
Sheriff Bill: [nervous] Never you mind, Daisy. We're getting there. I think it's halfway done...
Outlaw Cactus Joe: Clock's almost to noon, Sheriff. And I ain't waiting for you to finish your download! When that bell chimes, I draw!
Sheriff Bill: Look, it's just... it's almost done, okay? Just give me two more seconds here...
[clock chimes, Cactus Joe draws and fires]
Daisy Mae: Sheriff! No!!!
Sheriff Bill: Hear me, good townsfolk! You must all switch to AT&T at once! I curse Verizon with my last breath! [dies]
Outlaw Cactus Joe: Well, time to rob the bank and sleep with some whores. And then I'll upload some pictures of that to Facebook with my iPhone! Mwa ha ha ha!!!