Thursday, September 23, 2010

Rethink extremely unlikely

Tying in with yesterday's State Farm post, I wanted to write up this ridiculous Honda Civic ad in which they outright claim that it will get you hired for a job you might not be qualified for. (Do you also need to have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night?) I couldn't find it, because for some reason people aren't lining up to upload boring, shitty car ads to YouTube. So instead we'll just talk about this AT&T ad, because it's just about as stupid.

Sure, okay, it can take some lucky breaks to get ahead in life. The ridiculous degree to which that idea is blown out in this commercial just makes my head spin, however. Questions I have:

* What was she even doing? So, she walks to the bottom of her steps, checks on a finishing download, and then immediately puts her phone back away? Why did she even need to get the phone out in the first place? Oh, because if she doesn't drop her shoes while putting the phone back away, the people would walk right past her. One second of contrived bullshit can make all the difference!

* These apparently quite influential ballet people will just invite any old person with ballet shoes in for an audition? "Oh, you do ballet? Well, even though if you were good enough to dance the lead in a show you probably wouldn't be dancing alone in some dark studio in your early 20s, why don't you come down for a tryout?"

* How many possible times in life can there be when doing something now versus three seconds from now actually matters and yet you also have time and/or a legitimate reason to download something on your smartphone?

[The Old West, 1887.]
Outlaw Cactus Joe:
Well, it's just you and me, Sheriff. A duel to the death! As soon as the bell in the old clock tower chimes, we draw!
Sheriff Bill: Your reign of terror is almost over, Joe. Hmm, maybe I should download Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" for afterwards... [pulls out smartphone]
Daisy Mae: Sheriff, for God's sake! Now's not the time for downloads!
Sheriff Bill: Don't you worry, Daisy Mae. I'll have this song downloaded in plenty of time... say, this wireless network is just crawling right now.
Daisy Mae: [sobbing] Oh, Sheriff! You can't download that quickly with Verizon! It's only AT&T that has the nation's fastest download speeds!
Sheriff Bill: [nervous] Never you mind, Daisy. We're getting there. I think it's halfway done...
Outlaw Cactus Joe: Clock's almost to noon, Sheriff. And I ain't waiting for you to finish your download! When that bell chimes, I draw!
Sheriff Bill: Look, it's just... it's almost done, okay? Just give me two more seconds here...
[clock chimes, Cactus Joe draws and fires]
Daisy Mae: Sheriff! No!!!
Sheriff Bill: Hear me, good townsfolk! You must all switch to AT&T at once! I curse Verizon with my last breath! [dies]
Outlaw Cactus Joe: Well, time to rob the bank and sleep with some whores. And then I'll upload some pictures of that to Facebook with my iPhone! Mwa ha ha ha!!!


Anonymous said...

There's an even bigger logical flaw in this commercial, which I quickly pointed out to my family when I saw this commercial for the second or third time. As extremely unlikely as it is for these particular scenarios to play out, it is JUST AS LIKELY that the quicker download scenario will cause her to MISS the people walking by instead of meeting them (because they were a few seconds behind). It is all random bullshit, as you might say. There may be some real advantages to a quicker download (i.e. you don't miss your flight to a business trip to Singapore or something), but tying it to a random event is just plain stupid.

capewood said...

I will have to admit that I had no idea what was going on in this commercial until reading your post. I get it that quicker download speeds are a good thing but what did having an AT&T phone have to do with the events of this commercial?

Anonymous said...

It was also insulting to waiters and waitresses, fulfilling a service in demand while working for a dream, and what's with the stupid look on the "dancer's" face? As a swan/audience she looked equally awful.

Anonymous said...

I like this commercial because I like to assume the two people walking by knew of the dancer so the chance meeting actually put them in a position to meet her (and her them). It worked out for all of them.

But like the first Anonymous said, the download time could just have easily made her miss the meeting. A faster or slower download could have worked either way with a chance meeting.

And like the second Anonymous said, it is a bit insulting to wait staff and to anyone who is working those jobs while pursuing their dreams.