Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Flunkin' Donuts

Here's another sorry attempt at being clever from Dunkin' Donuts (and the ubiquitous and effervescent Rachael Ray):

Visual: Little men approach gigantic, packaged Dunkin' Donuts breakfast menu items clad in welding uniforms. They turn on their torches, the camera pans back to reveal.... it was all going on inside an industrial microwave!

(gasps) (looks around in astonishment) "Who saw that comin'!?" (faints) (in dream, recalls Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness") (regains consciousness) My God! (sits down to come to terms with what was just seen)

Rachael Ray: That is not how they toast these.

Some Woman: Well, something amazing is going on in that oven.

Oh, you mean toasting? You mean the act of heated coils raising the temperature of food items inside an oven? Yeah, that is amazing... I guess. It's amazing if you find the incredibly mundane to be "amazing."

Rachael Ray (extra-raspily): Well, you got that right.

And we bring the absurdity on home with some folksy Rachael Ray charm. I guess I expected more from the ending of this commercial than just some throw-away cliché. You go from miniature dudes heating up food inside an oven to a conversation between Rachael Ray and a random person, and then there's basically no ending. No payoff, no unique tagline -- nothing.

Basically what Dunkin' Donuts wants us, the consumers, to think about their breakfast is: they use ovens to heat up their food. Mm. They don't want us to know what new items they're offering, how early they open, how tasty their food is, or how affordable their products are. They just want us to think "Food Hot, Rachael Ray Cute. Me Go Now To Dunkin' Donuts."



Clock Cleaner said...

How retarded is that other woman?

We can presume she was explaining this to Rachael.

Other woman: "My food is all hot and crusty! There must be a bunch of tiny, tiny men inside there that use propane and blowtorches to make my food like this!"

Rachael Ray: "That is NOT how they toast these."

Personally, I would have kicked that woman in the chest and power-walked out of there. So dumb.

And that sly look she gives Rachael at the end? Positively retarded!

Windier E. Megatons said...

She looks orgasmic. Over a toasted sandwich of some sort? Yeah, you can't find those anywhere. I vote for "This particular Dunkin' Donuts was being painted that day and the woman didn't notice the fumes until it was too late."