Friday, August 10, 2007

Me - advertiser! You - stupid moron consumer!

The Sara Lee Corporation just called your mom ugly. And they said your brother's gay. Oh, and they also think you're a fucking moron. How else can you explain this commercial for their Ballpark Frank line:

New low, everybody. New low. Do I even need to break this one down? A teenage boy has a construction worker's forearm Alien its way out of his chest, grabs what could only be an old, stale hot dog (with mustard artfully squiggled on top), and tries to cram it into the boy's mouth. Then it smacks the kid on the face with a tennis racket (that the boy naturally keeps next to his bed, like every teenage boy does.) This is funny? This is appetizing? This is how you sell food?

Then Sara Lee brings it on home with a little touch of class:

Hunger get what hunger want - big, tasty Ballpark Frank

First off, I like how the tagline is written properly on-screen, "Hunger gets what hunger wants," but then the voiceover delivers it like a caveman would talk, or, presumably, like the people who wrote this ad. Secondly, "Hunger get what hunger want"? Mothers who shop for their families are supposed to respond to this and think "Oh, let me add that to the grocery list"?

They also chose "big" and "tasty" as the only modifiers to describe their product. This is somehow informative? This is differentiating? Here's a shortlist of some other things that are "big" and "tasty":

McDonald's "Big n' Tasty"
Wendy's Biggie Fries
A Large Tasty D-Lite
Wendy's Baconator
Wendy's Biggie Frostie
Pretty much anything from Wendy's except, maybe, like a small salad without dressing
Big Daddy's Tasty BBQ Sauce
Pretty much anything from Burger King except, maybe, a napkin
Sara Lee CMO Kim Feil (hey, she had to green-light this shit, right?)

I wish I could say this commercial was the worst of this series. But then Sara Lee came through in a bigger, tastier way:

Hungry yet? Again, I don't need to explain this one, do I. We can all see why 7-year olds might get a kick out of this (hence the reason for the YouTube comments), but anyone with a adult-sized brain? Why would this sell someone on a food product? A huge man's arm just came out of a boy's stomach, grabbed a spittle-coated ort from a girl's mouth, and fed it to the boy. Then he unblushingly accepts the bit of gnawed meat. Mmmmmm! "Big, juicy, pre-chewed Ballpark Franks!"

I love that the girl reacts to the hot dog morsel being removed from her mouth, but doesn't care that a third arm just sigourneyed out of her boyfriend's stomach. But, hey, at least it's hysterical, right? Just some really, really funny stuff there from Sara Lee. In fact, after all that laughing about how inimitably humorous the Ballpark Frank and Hillshire Farm commercials are, I'm getting a bit peckish. Sometimes I wish a disembodied appendage would just shove some cured hog cheek right up my face.


c12h22o11 said...


Windier E. Megatons said...

Those are a true abomination.

Quivering P. Landmass said...

I forgot to mention, in the ending of the second commercial, the big arm slaps down some money before it takes the hot dog. I think this just serves as a reminder to whoever they think they're selling to that you need to PAY for Ballpark Franks, "Remember, teenagers and gorillas, you must give money to store before buying hot dog!"

Tyler said...

I'm equally entertained by the idea that two people sitting on a couch in someone's living room and sharing a hot dog is a perfectly reasonable concept to these advertisers.