The vegetarian's nightmare: sentient produce

Jewel-Osco is the branch of Albertson's that exists here in the Chicagoland area. YouTube suggests that this ad runs in all their markets with the different store names subbed in, but this is the one I've seen so this is the one I'm posting. I'm also posting it because GODDAMN is it creepy.


(NOTE: This is now a version of the ad that was used in Albertson's markets, since the original vanished from YouTube. I haven't otherwise edited the post text.)

Here is what the description says on YouTube (emphasis mine): "By popular request, here is our newest TV commercial featuring our lovable Fruits & Vegetables! Enjoy!"

Okay: I cannot believe that people actually called, or e-mailed, or whatever the fucked Jewel-Osco and demanded that this commercial go up on YouTube. I mean: this commercial? I'm not sure I can think of ten more boring ads in existence. It's not like it's funny, or raunchy, or even particularly interesting - the reason ads usually get posted online. If you read the comments on YouTube, people seem to be talking mostly about how much they like the song - which is appropriate, since it's a cover of "Fresh" by Kool and the Gang, a song that was a top ten hit... in 1985. Of course, it's pretty obvious that most of the people commenting on this ad weren't born yet in 1985, so that probably explains a lot.

Lovable fruits and vegetables, though? That is weird. That is creepy. Some (though certainly not all) vegetarians don't eat meat in part because they can't bear the thought of a living animal being slaughtered for their consumption. What kind of heartless bastard tries to freak them out by making their vegetables (and fruit) into a singing, dancing nightmare straight out of the uncanny valley?

Honestly, look at these things. They're fucking terrifying.

By the way, sloppy bagging job, whoever.

I'm not sure what exactly it is that creeps me out so much, although it might be the lack of noses on the faces of the fruits and vegetables. Or maybe it's just THE FACES ON THE FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. Good Lord. This is a crime against nature.

But is that the weirdest part of the ad? Not quite. It's more the way the fruits and vegetables are gleefully singing about THEIR IMMINENT DEMISE. There are other commercials out there like that (see this post and my comment below it), and sure, it's weirder when it's animals practically begging you to eat them. But this isn't much better. I mean, think about the contrast of some of the shots in this commercial for a second.

"Ba ba ba, we're the singing tomatoes... we're hanging in the store just singing our song..."



"OH DEAR GOD WE'VE BEEN CHOPPED IN HALF AND OUR INSIDES ARE VISIBLE! THIS IS LIKE THE WORST KIND OF MEDIEVAL TORTURE!"



"Peppers / just a bunch of singing peppers / what in this life could be better / than to be a singing pepper..."



"OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY THEY CUT OFF THE TOP OF OUR HEADS AND STUFFED US WITH RICE!!! WHAT KIND OF CRUEL GOD ALLOWS THIS TO HAPPEN???"

Domu ads. Stupid. Annoying. Chicago.

This probably falls into the category of "stuff only I care about," since unless you take public transportation in Chicago you're never going to see these things. But they've just been blanketing the El and buses lately, which means I'm stuck learning two unlikely things about some total stranger I couldn't care less about.

Because there's no way I'm going to get a picture of these things from a moving train, I'm stuck with the ones inside cars or at stops I actually use. So trust me when I say there are way worse ones than the ones below. For instance, every male appearing in these ads seems to have come right out of "Look at This Fucking Hipster" right down to the clearly ironic ridiculous facial hair.

I mean, look at these fucking things. So, okay. Presumably the idea is that you're trying to sell the viewer on the product by showing a wide range of people who use the service (right down to the varying of the neighborhoods, which is probably the most important part anyway). But how does it help to go with weird, ridiculous, unrealistic and/or esoteric professions and interests? Take this one. Slam poets and urologists? Both of them? Did they meet at a urology convention and realize they both loved slam poetry, or did they meet at a slam poetry session and discover they both happened to be urologists? I mean, come on. It would be hacky enough to make some ad be all "Hey, wouldn't it be super funny if this person was a slam poet and a urologist?" But pretending that this describes two people living together makes me absolutely incapable of taking this bullshit seriously. Is this supposed to be lighthearted and I'm thinking too hard about it? Probably. I don't care. It's stupid and I have to see shit like this eight times every day. If they weren't so ubiquitous I'd have snorted and moved on.

"Muse?" Guess what - go fuck yourself. Is there a single noun you could use to describe a person that would make them sound more insufferable other than obvious pejoratives? I say no. And while this might be stereotyping, is there a universe in which this woman looks like, of all things, an air traffic controller? She looks more like a waitress at a vegan restaurant who goes to art school during the day.

Thanks (I guess) to what appears to be the website of the woman who took the photos, I was also able to get a hold of this one. Holy shit, LOOK AT THIS FUCKING HIPSTER. Worse yet, this appears to be part of maybe the most bizarre viral marketing attempt of all time - that Twitter account has been posting for several months, mostly about podiatry, but if you read the thing it's pretty clear (I think) that it's being ginned up by someone who isn't a real doctor, it links only to Domu.com and gives no actual links to or contact info for the supposed business, and Google doesn't give any indication that anyone named Sven O. Svenson is actually a podiatrist in the area. Also, if I walked into a doctor's office and they looked like this motherfucker, I'd be out of there faster than you can say "This is the weirdest fake shit I have ever seen in my life."

According to Liska + Associates, the agency responsible for this nonsense, "For the next evolution of marketing, Liska worked with Domu on a series of ads that feature the human side of Domu—the cool, interesting Chicagoans who use the site." Here's the problem: it's hard to feature the human side of something when you use humans who are so obviously fake, and when half of them have goofy, esoteric jobs or interests that virtually no one can relate to, and every picture is the most hipster-looking douchebag available. I can't recall seeing a single one that's just a normal looking dude in a business suit. They all have to have weirdly teased-up hair, or stupid ironic beards, or be dressed like they're on their way to a poetry reading in 1997. None of these people look "cool" or "interesting" unless you're already that kind of a schmuck, which means I'm forced to assume that Domu decided that their only real audience, I guess the only people currently renting apartments in Chicago, was hipsters. In which case, I guess, mission accomplished?

Dear advertisers: making the people in your ads into ridiculous extremes of human behavior does not make them seem more real (because how could I possibly come up with a person who was a slam poet and a urologist???). It makes them seem fake as shit. Even if these were all real people and were accurate recountings of their jobs and passions, I would have come up with some other people whose descriptions were closer to the peak of the bell curve, not several standard deviations toward the far end. Because these ads are stupid unbelievable bullshit and don't sell me on a fucking thing.

What the Hawk?

I sympathize with makers of local commercials. You're tasked with standing out amid a sea of high-budget national ads that never fail to make your spots look even cheaper than they already would. With that in mind, I can see why a company might opt to borrow ideas from a national campaign for their local ad. However, the eTrade baby is not the one I would have gone with.



Baby: "I'm looking cool in this car! This thing is a stroller magnet! I should work on my pick-up lines."

First of all: no. You should not do that, because you are a baby. Also, note that the baby's body never moves, which is kind of disturbing and just makes him look like a tiny quadriplegic.

Baby: "Hey girl, you need a nap? 'Cause you been crawling through my mind all day."

As awful as the eTrade ads were with their implications of babies having sex with each other, I'm not sure this isn't more blatant than any of those. Baby pick-up lines? Someone really thought this was a good idea?

Baby: "Wow. I'm slaying it!"
[Mom in front seat rolls her eyes]

"Ha! Man. My infant son thinks he's, like, the hottest shit. And he's so not. I would never fuck him if he used that line on me."

Baby: "How about, dang, girl! That diaper's looking good on you."

How about not? How about I'm three seconds away from clawing my own eyes out and shoving them into my ears?

Baby: "What are you, a size 18 months? Yeah, I like my girls a little chubby."
Announcer: "You want some chubby?"

What? What the fuck are you talking about? If this is reliant on me having seen previous ads in whatever fucking series this is, or knowing Hawk Ford's shitty dealership slogan, that is a BAD idea, because I live in Chicago, watch a lot of TV, write about ads as a hobby, and yet can't recall ever seeing one of their ads before. If it's not reliant on that... WHAT?

Announcer: "Chubby discounts. Chubby savings."

WHAT. THE. FUCK. ARE. YOU. TALKING. ABOUT.

Does Hawk Ford know that "chubby" is also a slang term involving the penis? Were they going for that pun? When the baby says that he likes his girls "a little chubby," is that intended to be a play on words, in that he might also have a "little chubby?" Because if so, I want to drive down to Oak Lawn and light that entire dealership on fire.

And if they don't know that, and they weren't going for that pun... what in the hell were they going for?

By the way: "Chubby discounts, chubby savings" isn't even Hawk Ford's normal slogan, as evidenced by these other ads in this campaign. So... a baby calling another baby fat was just so hilarious we had to alter our whole ad to be built around it, in spite of the fact that it makes no goddamn sense? For fuck's sake, at least those other ads use the baby for semi-legit reasons. With this one it just seems like there was a bet in the office about how horrible a commercial they could make and still get it on the air.

Baubles, Bangles and Bad Ads

The following is a bus stop ad that I've been seeing a lot lately around Chicago. It's for the Field Museum, which is a stellar natural history museum in downtown Chicago. Now I don't particularly enjoy posting about ads for non-profit institutions -- something I mentioned in the comments section of my admittedly unfair attack on a cutely overreaching ad for Detroit-area museum attraction The Henry Ford. That doesn't mean that museums and colleges and foundations and the like don't screw up, though. Let's take a look (I apologize for the quality, it's taken with my phone):



When I first saw this ad, I actually liked it. The image of a colorful collection of shiny gems is a fun one -- makes me want to learn more. But it's rather disrupted by the huge gray combination lock in the middle of the image. I have several problems with this:

1. The lock is either floating in the middle of the image -- like, just randomly hovering above the gems -- or the lock may be on a glass-fronted safe. This makes a little more sense visually, but then presumably that's how the Field Museum locks up their gems at night. "Just toss all the jewels into that safe. Really cram 'em in there. They're not breakable or valuable or anything."

2. This ad suggests the Field Museum protects their jewels with a Master Lock combination padlock. "Don't even think about trying to steal our precious gems, jewel thieves -- you'll never guess our wickedly complex three-number combination!"

3. Somehow, a gun-metal gray, numbered dial doesn't mesh well with a sparkling, rainbow opal. Why not just show a picture of variety of fantastic gems without muddying it by cutting and pasting a cropped image of a lock. It's uninviting -- the opposite of what you want if you're a museum. Unless you don't want people coming to your museum.

These are minor points, but remember this ad is eight feet tall! You have people staring at this for minutes on end while they wait for their bus -- you want these ads to be good. I realize non-profits like museums probably don't have huge marketing departments, but why greenlight something that's obviously goofy? Just show some of the highlights of your gem room and let us know when the thing is opening. No need to art direct a clumsy ad just for the sake of being unique, or clever, or something.

Despite all this, I highly encourage everyone to go visit the Field Museum if you find yourself in Chicago -- the gem room is incredible. Just ignore the ads.

Mistress Joyce's Ford Dealership

We try to stay away from local ads on this site, mostly because it's just not fair to pick on the little guys when there's so much bad advertising being created by Fortune 500 companies. But sometimes a commercial comes along that's so laughably stupid that we just can't stay away. Check out the link below (and you can probably guess which local market this is for based on the accent alone):

Click here for video (embedding disabled)

Maureen Joyce: At Joyce Ford, accessories come free of charge.

Note: In the following commercial, "accessories" apparently means grown men.

Hey ladies, how's this for an incentive. If you're looking for something sporty, how 'bout takin' Johnny (shows cheesy white guy in a Mustang) for a ride?

So a car dealership is forced to do double duty by selling both cars and male prostitutes. Damn this recession! And it's a sad day indeed when a gigolo airlifted out of a John Hughes movie can't even afford a shirt to match his stylin' grey/black tracksuit.

Maureen Joyce: Want something big and tough? Then you want Bruce (shows bearded white guy in an Explorer SUV).

When I think "big and tough," I think of a man with the name of "Bruce." Does Maureen Joyce realize that she's referring to her cars by the made-up names of average looking male actors? This seems like a curious approach in the worst car sales environment in decades.

Maureen Joyce: How about something environmentally friendly? How 'bout Mario (shows skinny black guy in a hybrid)?

If a blind person were listening to this ad, he would be really confused right about now. I fail to see what's environmentally friendly about Mario. Because he has glasses? Because he looks generally put-together? Because he gives us an awkward thumbs-up? Why pick the one non-white actor in your commercial to play the environmentally friendly guy?

Maureen Joyce: My type is practical and reliable, so I prefer James (shows douchey college guy in a Fusion).

First of all, Mario looks way more like the embodiment of practicality and reliability. Secondly, James is a little young for you, Mrs. Joyce.

Maureen Joyce: No matter what your style, Joyce Ford has something for you.

"Unless your style is women. We don't carry that. You'll have to go across the street to the Toyota dealership -- they sell cars to straight men and lesbians."

Joyce Ford - The Better Half of Car Buying

Is there a sentence in the English language that better demonstrates the stereotypical Chicago accent than this slogan?

Maureen Joyce really wants an all-female clientele, seems like. I understand having the angle of "buy from me because I know how women want to buy cars," but to have a commercial like this that just makes men want to throw up? Maybe not the best approach, especially in this economy.

You'll love us because other people hate us!

I'm thinking back to my Marketing 101 class in college -- there were the 4 P's, brand positioning demographics, target markets, etc, etc.  We covered a lot of theoretical and practical ground.  I just can't seem to recall the day we talked about selling a product by showing how much people hate that product.  It's a maverick technique, as shown in this commercial for a local steakhouse:

(15 second shot of a piece of a gristly steak being grilled)

This is why good food photographers make a killing.  Because when amateurs try to film food, this is what you get: a greasy, rubbery piece of meat bouncing up and down on a grill.  My favorite part is when the camera pans completely away from the meat and over to an empty, blurry background.  Just makes me chuckle.  Was that supposed to be arty in some way? Did a high school photography student direct this?  "It's the rule of thirds, man!"

Vegetarians hate us.

"You!  Over there!  Queer guy who doesn't eat meat!  Hey, check out this huge hunk of animal!  Hungry yet?  Oh yeah, get a whiff of that greasy, bubbling flesh....  Want some?  Oh, guess what, you can't have it! Because you choose not to eat meat!  Hah -- suck on it!"

There are some kind of weird, good ol' boy undertones to a line like this.  I wonder if the meatatarians were behind this one, too.  But, yes, I suppose it is true that a group of people who don't eat meat wouldn't be fond of a steak place. What I fail to see, however, is the connection between illustrating that fact about vegetarians and attracting people who do eat meat to your steakhouse.

I mean, is this all they got?  Nothing about how they only serve the choicest cuts of meat?  Or how they were voted best steakhouse by a local magazine (if that were true)?  Or anything unique about the restaurant?  No?  You just wanted to lash out at a small percentage of the population that doesn't like your product.  Got it.

Sorry.

No, you're not sorry!  That one lazy copy line was the entire reason for this commercial!  Own up to it, dick.

"A Cut Above the Rest"

Just a pet peeve of mine.  You don't need fucking quotation marks there!  It's your slogan, you're not quoting somebody.  

This reminds me of another local ad, a billboard for a conservative radio talk show on WIND 560 AM which read, "Liberals Hate It!"  So automatically you've already lost 50% of the population who lean democratic.  Now granted you weren't going to get them to listen anyway, but you're trying to woo the other 50% by saying "there's a group of people who think we're assholes!" -- you think that's going to work?  Like someone will think to himself, "Well if Al Gore wouldn't listen to it, maybe I should tune in..."  

If you're considering running an ad campaign that tries to reach people by saying "Group X hates us" -- then I would suggest you put the kibosh on the whole deal -- the advertising, the product, your business -- everything.  You're admitting to everyone that there's so little that's new and great and unique about your product that you can't come up with a single noteworthy thing to say about it.  And that, for the record, is a business problem, not just an marketing problem.

Super Innuendo

This commercial is a little old, and local. Neither is an excuse.



Quick Ad Quiz

1. What is she referring to with "Isn't this a little fast?"
(a) Comcast's awesome high-speed connection
(b) Fucking on the first date

2. When she says, "Ooh! That popped up quick!" she is referring to:
(a) Comcast's awesome high-speed connection
(b) An erect penis

3. When she says "Oh my!" she is:
(a) Reacting to Comcast's awesome high-speed connection
(b) Enjoying a pleasurable sexual experience

4. When the guy with the mike says "She likey!" he is referring to:
(a) Comcast's awesome high-speed connection
(b) Fucking

If you answered (a) to all questions, you are either my grandmother or a nun. If you answered (b) to all questions, you are a frat boy; please report to the Sig Ep house for freshman hazing. If you answered "It can be both (a) and (b) and that's why it's hilarious," congratulations: you are the idiot who wrote this stupid, stupid ad.

Man, that's some good carpet

Anyone who has lived in the Chicagoland area is familiar with the advertising phenomenon that is Luna Flooring. Their phone number, along with fellow Chicago carpet maker Empire Today's, is forever embedded in everyone's brain, "7-7-3, 2-Oh-2.... (beep beep beep beep) LUNA!" They also make bad, bad, low-budget commercials. Their latest offering, however, might be their most inexplicably imbecile yet. Observe:



Wife: I love you. You're so gorgeous and warm.

Hmm, who is she talking to? A baby maybe. Or a pet perhaps? Or maybe she's cheating on her husband, and she just got caught! Or maybe....

Wife: I feel so comfortable around you. (sees husband) Oh, hi sweetie!

..... Oh. She was talking to the carpet. Because this is something people do, apparently. Also, she should be far more embarrassed to have someone walk in on her while she's having a conversation with carpeting.

Not that anyone who's not employed by a carpet manufacturer would know, but the use of both "comfortable" and "warm" in this commercial are puns -- carpet being more "comfortable" and "warm underfoot" than, say, hardwood flooring. The lesson is: goofy industry jokes don't really work in 30 second spots.

Husband: Are you talking to our new carpet again?

She's done this before? If this is a regular occurrence around the house, then it's gone beyond "cute, kinda weird behavior" to "all-out insanity." Please consider psychiatric help.

Wife: I'm so glad I chose you. And you were free!

It was only free if it was the "second room," whatever that means. So this part is a little misleading.

Husband: (shakes head in amused disbelief)

I'm telling you, dude, psychiatric help. That's what you need in this situation. It's not just an eccentricity, it's a medical problem.

"Luna Flooring: we lace our carpets with jimson weed and ecstasy so that you'll really love your floors."

Multimedia presentation

We focus primarily on television advertising here, and rightly so. However, print and radio ads (the latter in particular) can sometimes be even more abhorrent; they're just harder to reproduce. In this case, however, I happened to be driving through Ohio and noticed this sign outside the men's room at a rest area.


It may be hard to read that smaller text, but basically it's using the larger words to make full sentences, like "you JUST have to see it to believe it." Whatever. Kind of a lame device, but not what makes this stupid.

Let me reiterate: this was outside the men's room. "Can you just hold it for 30 more minutes?" Um, why is that necessary? I'm about to walk into the men's room. I'm pretty sure the family can wait 30 seconds before we decide to randomly interrupt our scheduled trip to stop off at a waterpark. Who is this ad marketing to? Are there people who drive around with their swim trunks on in case they should happen to find themselves in waterpark country? Don't you sort of have to want to go to one in the first place? Also, take very careful note of the message: "Hold your urine for 30 more minutes, until you arrive at our waterpark!" Can't spell "waterpark" without "p," can you?

I don't know. Am I expecting too much out of a waterpark that names itself after one of the world's largest deserts?

You dream it, I rag on it

I know, I know -- regular folks need to advertise, too. But why can't they just hire an agency once in a while? This example of local advertising comes to us from some Chicago-area brothers who had a dream one day of selling furniture to all of Chicagoland. The other part of that dream was annoying the shit out of anyone who watches television.



Smithe Brother 1: The Chicago Cubs have hired Walter E. Smithe Furniture to do an extreme makeover. Come on inside.

Cubs... furniture... Extreme Makeover... wait, which part of American culture are you trying to co-opt -- baseball, or the concept of "extreme makeovers?" Oh, both? In 30 seconds? And you're going to try to advertise furniture? This ought to be clean and elegant.

Smithe Brother 2 (through megaphone): Play ball!

Or... run onto the field in business suits not playing ball.

Smithe Brother 3: Tim, I'm really thinking of plaid on second base.
Smithe Brother 1: Brilliant.

Laying a piece of fabric on top of something? Man, this makeover really is extreme.

Woman: Should we update the seat colors to a sage?
Other Woman: Or a taupe?

They're already green, so "sage" wouldn't be much of an update. Also, this is stupid.

Some Other Woman: Mark, I've chosen this great red fabric for the visitor's bullpen.

Red would totally clash with taupe seats. I mean, come on.

Yet Another Woman: For the Cubs dugout, I want the players to feel comfortable, so we're going to do this great baseball leather and a red baseball stitching.

Ok, now I'm getting into the concept. Baseball+extreme makeover+furniture+pandering to local audience? How can this lose? Wait a second, I remember reading somewhere (I think it was Reader's Digest) that men aren't the only people who see commercials. In fact, women might be watching television, too. And they might account for 94% of all home furnishing purchase decisions. Well, I'm sure old white guys out on a baseball field advertising furniture works for everyone.

Also, Note the "SMITHE" ad in the bullpen. I'm sure this is there regularly.

God, Still Another Character In This Commercial: Based on the shape of the field, I think a diamond would look best.

Did you catch the pun there? That's a little bonus for the careful viewer. Does anyone else think these women are these guys' daughters and/or wives?

I'm Going To Stop Differentiating Between Characters: Tim, the bushes have to go.

Are you talking about the IVY? It's IVY, not bushes.

Did We Get Everybody Related To The Smithes In This Ad Yet?: I'm thinking this sporty red leather for the locker room and, does the ivy really have to be green?

Good call. The ivy could look a little too "Christmas-y" next to that sporty red. Can we get someone on this green ivy problem stat? Can't it be a nice coral instead?

Hey, before you guys wrap up the commercial, did you want to talk about a particular product, or a sale you have going on, or make a promise about the quality of your wares? Or mention where your store is? No? Suit yourself.

Livin' la vida local

Local ads are almost too easy a target. Low budgets and cable TV ad space are a recipe for low-quality conceptual thinking, art direction, execution and, of course, acting. But occasionally you see a local ad where the owner has clearly spent a good amount of money yet still ended up with something so self-indulgent, so uninteresting that they probably would have had better luck if they had used a camcorder and high school students.

Unfortunately, this ad for mid-western electronics/appliance chain ABC Warehouse isn't posted on YouTube, but the company was proud enough of it to make the spot available on their site:

Go here to view ad.

Owner: ABC Warehouse is always the closest thing to wholesale.

Gotta love it when owners star in their own commercials.

Owner: Although, we're still a long drive from Florida.

Ah, this is one of those "jokes." We're supposed to chuckle here. Because it's the closest thing to wholesale, but not necessarily in a geographic sense. I get it. Well it's an even longer drive from Anchorage. It would be even longer by dog sled. And it's a super long space shuttle ride from the earth-like planet that orbits the red dwarf Gliese 581.

Owner: If you see an advertised sale price lower than ours

"We'll beat it! Bring in the ad, and we'll not only match it, we'll BEAT it! ABC Warehouse - the closest thing to Wholesale!"

I'm sure this it going to be some radical claim that's going to blow all their competitors out of the water. Wait for it...

Owner: it's probably for milk or eggs or something.

KA-BOO- wait. Or.... you could go that direction. Where there should be an awesome retailer claim like "Nobody beats ABC Warehouse!" we have this fetid carcass of a joke. ABC Warehouse apparently thinks they're pretty funny, though - they even have this "milk or eggs" line on their website under its own tab called "Gordyisms."

Oh, what's that? You want more Gordyisms? You got it:

"I couldn't carry all the brands we carry!"

But, you do carry them, because they're like, in your store. Oh, no wait, you're making a pun. Joking about physically carrying things that do not exist in physical space. Hah. Hah ha. Ha - oh god.

"I make the kind of deals that even I can't beat!"

The Gordian Knot of retail claims. Try running this one by your Legal department. On the plus side, they certainly avoided talking about the competition's deals. Why would anyone want to beat the competition?

Owner: You know, I have to have sales

How often do wholesale stores have sales? Isn't the whole point of bargain basement joints that they don't need sales because their products are already so cheap?

Owner: because let's face it, me and Mrs. Gordy, we got enough stuff.

Setting: Lower Detroit Area Community College. Economics 102: Microeconomics.

Professor Gordy: All right, take your seats, kids. Welcome to our first day here in Econ class. Let's get started. Can anyone tell me why stores have sales?

Student #1: To move merchandise that the manufacturer has discounted or discontinued?

Professor Gordy: Good guess, but a little bit off. Anyone else?

Student #2: They have sales to drive awareness of their store and stay ahead of the competition?

Professor Gordy: Again, not quite there. Basically, when a store owner and his wife have accumulated enough stuff, like in their basement, they come to a point where they can't realistically store all of it. At this point, the owner has a "sale" so they give some of their stuff away.

Let me boil this ad down to its essence -- "ABC Warehouse: We're basically a flea market. If you see cheaper prices elsewhere, go to that store to buy things, because we won't do anything about it. We do have sales, but we have them because Mrs. Gordy doesn't like clutter."

Message to ABC Warehouse: You know The Home Depots and Best Buys of the world are cheaper. So, you have to actually differentiate yourself if you expect anyone to buy things at your store. Ill-conceived, medium production value ads aren't going to convince Bob Nascar to get his HDTV from ABC Warehouse when a big box is across the street. Time to rethink your strategy.