Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Can't buy me peanut butter

Jif! Boy, you can't get that anywhere, can you?

I mean, that's the message I'm getting from this commercial. Jif, beloved regional product, and certainly not major national brand. Right?

[Phone rings]
Mom: "Hey, college girl!"
Girl: "Hey, Mom! I just got your package!"
Mom: "Great!"
Girl: "Yeah. Mom, you're the best!"

And the girl reaches into the box and immediately grabs, not the picture of her with her beloved dog, not whatever mix CD that is (and what do college kids love more than mix CDs put together by their mothers?), but the jar of Jif peanut butter that her mom thoughtfully sent, because, of course, this girl has decided to attend college in Bangalore, India, where they do not sell Jif peanut butter.

Mom: "I thought you would like it."

Is she supposed to somehow know inherently that the daughter is talking about the Jif? Telepathic moms choose Jif.

Mom: "So how are your classes?"
Announcer: "It's more than just that great peanut taste. Choosing Jif is a simple way to show someone how much you care."

Whoa, whoa, WHOA, there, Jif. Settle the fuck down. I like peanut butter and all, but throwing an inexpensive jar of peanut butter (that the girl could easily have purchased herself at like a hundred locations within a mile of her dorm) into a care package is like the definition of "minimal effort." I guess they do admit it's "simple," but I don't think that's nearly pejorative enough. How about, "Choosing Jif is a lazy way to show someone how much you care?" Or better yet, "Choosing Jif is an ineffective way of showing someone how much you care, because seriously, who gives a shit?"

Also, man does that girl dig into that peanut butter quickly. Hello, freshman fifteen!

Mom: "We can't wait to get you home!"

"Back to Lexington, Kentucky, home of the immense Jif production plant!"

Girl: "I love you, Mom!"
Mom: "I love you too! We'll see you soon."

How soon is this girl coming home? If she's going to be back home in like two weeks, did you really need to rush out this care package? Clingy moms choose Jif.

Announcer: "Choosy moms choose Jif."

I know this has been Jif's slogan since forever. And it's one of the classic slogans that like everyone knows. That said, it's kind of dumb, right? CHOOSY moms choose Jif? What exactly is choosy about picking the most dominant peanut butter brand in the United States, which is mass-produced on a grand scale? I'm not saying this inherently precludes quality or that Jif isn't any good, but selecting it isn't really indicative of choosiness. Moms who buy whatever's at eye level choose Jif. That's a bit more realistic, I think.


Anonymous said...

If choosy moms choose Jif, what do jiffy moms choose?

Windier E. Megatons said...

Jiffy moms choose Skippy. And, ironically, skippy moms choose Peter Pan.

Anonymous said...

Of course, my college care packages from my grandparents often were simply a box filled with junk mail that came to the house in my name, but I knew that that was actually their way of caring, so the "lazy care package" could be more meaningful in the family context. But that's a lot to ask here.