Saturday, March 14, 2009

Let KGB Google that for you

Good news, everyone! KGB wasn't satisfied with the crappy commercials they started with. Time for some more inessential nonsense:

Female Agent: "What do we know?"
Male Agent: "38 year old Caucasian male. This is the wife, she called it in. Doesn't sound good."
Wife: "Thank goodness you're here. One minute he's fine, and then this."
Male Agent: "What is it?"
Female Agent: "It's brainlock. What was he doing right before he froze?"
Wife: "He was trying to remember who played first base for the Red Sox in '86."

God, KGB, really? Anyone who cares about the answer to that question is going to remember it unless they are actually having significant memory problems, because the answer to that question is Bill Buckner, owner of the most famous error in World Series history.

Wife: "It was, like, right on the tip of his tongue."
Male Agent: "Bill Buckner."
Husband: "Buckner!"
Male Agent: "There you go, sir."
Husband: "Right through his legs!"
Male Agent: "Right through his legs."

I'm sorry, did I fall asleep and wake up twenty years ago? The Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 and 2007, meaning that Red Sox fans have no reason to continue to fixate on Buckner's error in the woe-is-me way this guy is doing. (In addition, serious Red Sox fans never spent nearly as much time blaming Buckner as the media would have you believe.) This commercial was clearly written by someone who knows like four things about baseball. Although, if it's twenty years ago, that would explain why this guy - who is in his own house - can't just go to his damn computer and look it up himself.

Male Agent: "And if it happens again, just text us at 542542."

If it happens again, learn how to operate a computer, maybe.

Wife: "It's a miracle!"
Female Agent: "No, ma'am. It's KGB."

Good call - there is nothing miraculous about coming up with easily retrievable pop culture nuggets. At least in some of the other ads they show a guy in a bar texting for an answer - the only possible use for this service, at least if you don't have the internet on your phone - but, again, this guy is in his house. The sheer inessentiality of the KGB service as depicted in this ad staggers me. Why run it at all?


Quivering P. Landmass said...

If you can't remember who Bill Buckner is, good luck remembering the number "542542." Or remembering that the service exists in the first place.

TRichter said...

Allow me to say, as a Boston sports fan, that KGB can go shove this commercial up its collective ass. Anyone with the slightest interest in American sports has at least heard the name Bill Buckner, kind of like how just about anyone with the slightest familiarity in American history has heard of George Washington.

Anonymous said...

Last I remember hearing, 80% of Americans have computers. So maybe this guy is one of the one out of every five who do not?

TRichter said...

He has a computer, in the form of his cellular phone. It's highly likely that device would possess at least rudimentary internet access.

Windier E. Megatons said...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume two things: (1) that a 38-year-old white male who lives in a modern-looking house in the suburbs probably isn't among that 20% and (2) that KGB probably isn't trying to target its ads at "people who don't own computers" regardless.

Adam said...

I had no idea what the answer to that question was until I read this post.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I'm not even a redsox fan, in fact I dislike the redsox, go cardinals!, but this commercial really pissed me off. I'm so glad that you made this blog, because if you didn't I was going to, you pretty much mentioned everything that was wrong with this commercial so I wont go into, nice job! fuck KGB

Anonymous said...

ONE WORD.......


whats the point of KGB when google is around

Anonymous said...

google is free you don't have to pay one cent while kgb you have to pay one dollar why waste a dollar when you can just go on google and search whatever your looking for kgb is full of fail and there new commercial where a bunch of moms are singing is annoying