Good news, everyone! KGB wasn't satisfied with the crappy commercials they started with. Time for some more inessential nonsense:
Female Agent: "What do we know?"
Male Agent: "38 year old Caucasian male. This is the wife, she called it in. Doesn't sound good."
Wife: "Thank goodness you're here. One minute he's fine, and then this."
Male Agent: "What is it?"
Female Agent: "It's brainlock. What was he doing right before he froze?"
Wife: "He was trying to remember who played first base for the Red Sox in '86."
God, KGB, really? Anyone who cares about the answer to that question is going to remember it unless they are actually having significant memory problems, because the answer to that question is Bill Buckner, owner of the most famous error in World Series history.
Wife: "It was, like, right on the tip of his tongue."
Male Agent: "Bill Buckner."
Male Agent: "There you go, sir."
Husband: "Right through his legs!"
Male Agent: "Right through his legs."
I'm sorry, did I fall asleep and wake up twenty years ago? The Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 and 2007, meaning that Red Sox fans have no reason to continue to fixate on Buckner's error in the woe-is-me way this guy is doing. (In addition, serious Red Sox fans never spent nearly as much time blaming Buckner as the media would have you believe.) This commercial was clearly written by someone who knows like four things about baseball. Although, if it's twenty years ago, that would explain why this guy - who is in his own house - can't just go to his damn computer and look it up himself.
Male Agent: "And if it happens again, just text us at 542542."
If it happens again, learn how to operate a computer, maybe.
Wife: "It's a miracle!"
Female Agent: "No, ma'am. It's KGB."
Good call - there is nothing miraculous about coming up with easily retrievable pop culture nuggets. At least in some of the other ads they show a guy in a bar texting for an answer - the only possible use for this service, at least if you don't have the internet on your phone - but, again, this guy is in his house. The sheer inessentiality of the KGB service as depicted in this ad staggers me. Why run it at all?