Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The American Dream Pasta

The folks at Ronzoni have come up with a new 90-second instant pasta, and they want you to buy it. So they've cobbled together a commercial that combines the element of hilarious overstatement with the fun of inane non-sequitur. Take it away, Ronzoni:

Man: New Ronzoni Bistro.

Woman: Yeah! Delicious pasta meals in 90 seconds.

Man: (in awe) Bistro pasta in 90 seconds...

Why is this man shocked? He apparently knew what the product was, and that it was new, before he even asked. This is the most easily amazed man in the world.

Man: Whoa, will my other dream come true? (shot of him on the White House lawn)

So, wait -- you had two dreams: one was to become President of the United States. And the other was for someone to create 90-second instant pasta from a bag? Are you sure there wasn't a third dream -- to one day eat a bag lunch in an office breakroom by yourself?

Secret Service Agent: He's not the President! (Man is tackled)

Even in this man's Presidential fantasy -- one of only two dreams he's ever had -- he fails. Someone get this man an imagination!

Also, what does this have to do with selling pasta?

Voiceover: At least you can have your dream lunch.

Thankfully, most humans aren't like the aspiration-less man in this commercial. And that means that our dream lunch isn't instant pasta from a dry bag. I guess when I think about my dream lunch, I picture something hot and fresh, and not a bag of dehydrated crap I picked off the grocery store shelf for 99 cents a week before.

So, remember everybody: Ronzoni Bistro Pasta -- it's the dream lunch -- for people who are dead inside. 90 seconds to personal failure!


Mike I said...

It's not dehydrated pasta. There's sauce and pasta. All you do is heat and serve and my kids love it.

Maybe you should try the product or do a little research on it before you knock it.

Windier E. Megatons said...

Nothing pulled from a microwave in 90 seconds is going to resemble "bistro-quality" food, not even pasta, perhaps the only food on the planet that is effectively impossible to fuck up no matter how lousy a cook you are. Mike I is right that it's not dehydrated, but "vacuum sealed in a bag" isn't too many steps up the ladder. I'm also not surprised that kids love microwave pasta, but since this ad is pitching itself to adults as some kind of high-end, "bistro"-resembling meal, that probably isn't the endorsement Ronzoni was looking for when they paid you to talk up their product on the internet.

None of this changes the fact that the ad is lazily written and that its key "joke" barely makes sense.

Windier E. Megatons said...

Perhaps I was too hasty in accusing Mike of being a paid Ronzoni shill, since it appears he is actually a "writer of commercials in an ad agency." I wonder which ad agency has the Ronzoni contract?

Tyler said...

My dream is bistro pasta in 60 seconds. Fingers are crossed!

Anonymous said...

"He's not the president" is a little disturbing in its political overtone.

Anonymous said...

Apparently, if you're tackled in the Matrix, your 'real' body gets tackled as well. RONZONI: Your mind MAKES it real.