Thursday, June 5, 2008

You can never have too much bad commercial

Apparently we just got this California-based convenience store chain here in Chicago. The only reason I know this is because I can't get away from this commercial:

Wait a second -- a store that serves junk food? Why didn't I think of that?! Finally, a place where ol' Johnny Paycheck can shop after work and buy candy or chips or hot dogs that have been sitting on steel rollers under a heat lamp since the night before.

I'm not sure why we need another c-store chain. I'm also unclear as to how, exactly, am-pm is different than, say, 7-11. Maybe these lyrics will lend some insight:

When I get up or when I'm on my way home
Time to go 'cause I'm wanna have fun

The first guy we see is in a bathrobe - presumably he just "got up" and wanted to "have fun." So naturally he came to a convenience store to get soda.... in his bathrobe. I dunno, so far the clientele isn't exactly wowing me.

Now I'm in the zone, and it's no wonder
Gonna pick me up some fun and share with everyone that you know

"In the zone"?? How can you be "in the zone" when you're shopping at a convenience store? This isn't the NBA playoffs, it's filling up an enormous container with different types of soda. "He goes for the Mr. Pibb -- he pushes it... can he mix it with the grape Fanta? Wait for it -- Yes! Nails it! He's in the zone! He has created the most delicious soda combination in the history of snack shops."

Also, we see one of these guys putting ketchup on a hot dog. Uh, this commercial is specific to Chicago, right? Putting ketchup on a hot dog in Chicago could get you punched in the face at some establishments. It's a big no-no, and pretty inexcusable in an ad introducing a junk food hawker to Chicagoland.

(Question: is it just me, or is there a surprisingly loud and almost flatulent squirting sound when someone dumps a nameless condiment into some kind of bag? The quality of this video is so bad that I can't quite confirm that. If that is indeed a squirting sound, why they hell would they put that in there? "Humor"?)

Hey hey, go go, man, you can't beat this feeling
This good stuff's got me thinking

Nonsense. These lyrics are totally meaningless, and plus -- this whole song just reminds me of this brilliant South Park ditty. I'd say the lyrics are pretty much on par.

You can never have too much good stuff, Chicago

But we can definitely have too much junk food. That's definitely true. I mean, that's why they call it junk food, because it's terrible for you and you can most certainly have too much of it.

Overall, what's appetizing or appealing about the presentation of the food in this commercial? It's just heaps of colorful wrappers all mish-mashed together. And people doing stupid dances that aren't funny, or middle aged men making a soda cocktail, or waving a corndog in the air, or a fat guy carrying home his trashy haul in a baby's stroller. I think back to my college years, my junk food prime, and I just don't see this resonating with me. It's just weird and gross.

How about trying to make food look good? Or showing a nice close-up food shot? Or doing anything that makes am-pm seem at all different from about a thousand other stores that sell the same kind of crap?


Windier E. Megatons said...

Man, I was waiting for this ad to finally show up online. You got at the three most idiotic parts of it:

1) The guy who shows up in his bathrobe, apparently having just woken up, and proceeds to buy like a 64-ounce soda, because that's what I'd be doing at 7 in the morning;

2) The ketchup on the hot dog (I assume "Chicago" was just tacked onto the voiceover and it changes by new market);

and 3) The ridiculous dances. Who is so excited about buying a candy bar that they're like pointing finger guns around the room? This is a role already filled by 7-11, White Hen Pantry, and every gas station convenience mart known to man. It doesn't exactly necessitate celebration.

doomdaman said...

you guys is hands down the most delicious place ever invented, like there is nothing more delicious in this world. and as for the dances, they just make me want to eat it more...greatest commercial/convenience store ever...

p.s...if u don't have a double gulp 64 oz slurpie at 7 am...FUCK YOU!!!!

doomdaman said...

u guys just haven't met calvin and ooshkoosh and ali...they make the most delicious nachos and slurpies ever and give me free go find a new commerical to make fun of stupid-faces.