A visibly drunk LeBron James shuffles to the free throw line...

Michelob Ultra seems to be confusing itself for Vitamin Water these days.



Voiceover: "You'll be surprised what's inside."

Based on the enormous orange you just zoomed through, I'm guessing I won't be all that surprised.

Voiceover: "Michelob Ultra fruit-infused beers. Tuscan Orange Grapefruit, Pomegranate Raspberry... and Lime Cactus."

We're still talking about beer, right? Not like wine coolers or Boone's Farm? Or Gatorade? Oh, right. You do want to be Gatorade. Here's even more proof of that:



Look, Michelob Ultra. I don't care how few carbs your beer has. It's beer, not some kind of health drink. It's only a "smart choice" relative to other beers, which is only saying so much. And what does it even mean for the beer to have "more than one dimension?" Because... it's both beer and a good Atkins Diet option? This is so stupid. If you're that concerned about cutting calories, stop drinking beer, you idiots. What's the degree of taste difference between Michelob Ultra and water anyway?

Play hard, booze hard

Some commercials are misleading. Some are just outright irresponsible. And then there's this, which somehow belongs in a class by itself:



Do the people at Michelob know how drinking and exercise go together? (Answer: not well.) Michelob Ultra may not have a lot of carbs, but it has 4.2% alcohol by volume, which puts it on par with most mass-market beer. In other words, I hope these people are getting ready for some serious dehydration. (Also, fun fact! Carbohydrates are useful in providing energy that can be burned during exercise, so that the body does not have to deplete itself of more essential nutrients!) At least volleyball is sort of recreational as far as getting exercise goes, I guess. Of course, Michelob Ultra has other ads showing people biking and running, so I'm not going to cut them any slack. If you're jogging three miles and then knocking back a few cold ones, you probably deserve whatever alcohol-related fatigue is coming your way.

The alternate explanation is that these women are vampires and they're planning to get the men drunk and tired before they drain them of life-giving blood.