Those of us who write or read blogs probably have some understanding of the ongoing friction between the main stream media, like newspapers (or TV commercials!), and new media, like blogging. If you're not familiar with it, here's a link to the funniest site on the web that illustrates this argument through the narrow lens of sports media criticism. Now I'm going to discuss blogs vs. MSM under the even narrower lens of advertising criticism. So, get excited! (Note: do not actually get excited.)
I haven't had much of a problem with these Twix "Need a moment?" commercials. They seem fine. But then the latest one hit the airwaves, and it made me wonder if maybe I was being kind of mercilessly pandered to:
Girl: (with attitude) Frankly I just feel like some politicians are completely out of touch with 99 percent of society.
Never has such a vague, obviously true statement had so much bluster behind it. Everyone knows that some politicians are out of touch.
Guy: Yeah... and it's like... the mainstream media's fault.
It's the MSM's fault that some politicians are out of touch? Doesn't follow. This is supposed to be like a bullshit answer on the guy's part, but then the girl agrees with him. Ba-whaa?
Girl: You said it! Finally someone who shares my struggle.
Guy: I know, right. Do you wanna go to my apartment?
Girl: What?
Guy: What?
Girl: What kind of girl do you think I am?
"Um, a super sexy one who gets really worked up over everything? What a turn-on!"
Anyway, then our hero chews it over with a Twix, which, by the way, is capable of momentarily stopping time.
Guy: I thought you were a believer. Someone who'd want to blog about our ideals.
Girl: Oh, blogging! I love blogging! (leaves with guy to go blog)
Sigh. That's not how it works. People don't go blogging together. It's not something you do with someone you just met, even in a commercial that's trying to be hip and young and "funny." This is a great example of the mainstream media being their old media selves. "What's going to get young Twix eaters excited? Oh, hey, how about blogs! Maybe they can all go blog together about Twix!"
No one really "loves" blogging. Loving blogging is kind of an absurd idea. It's like loving "typing" or "making copies of a memo" or "cranking a movable type printing press." Blogging is just one of many ways to get your thoughts and feelings heard. It's a communication technology medium. It's not like more fun than a party, or a good date activity, or foreplay or anything like that. Also, just because young people do it doesn't make it cool. Plenty of weird, uncool people blog, too.
Man, it's commercials like these that show how sad and old traditional advertising is starting to sound. Makes me fe --
Tag along with them at Twix.com
Hmm. Okay, I'll bite. I'm into potentially stupid online marketing components... (visits Twix.com...)
Okay, so basically it's like a choose-your-own-adventure story from when you were a kid. That is, if your choose-your-own-adventure-stories involved blatant stereotypes and an overall atmosphere of male chauvinism. So, you're on a date with that girl, and you have to get her home while avoiding a gay cockblocker named "Bruce" and a random Frenchman, "Francois," while all the while hiding your inner inadequacies as a partner. Also, every time you have to choose something you eat a Twix. What would you think if you were on a date and during the conversation your date ate four Twix bars while talking to you? Answer: You would return home and blog about how awesome Twix are. Right?
The final decision you have to make, and the one that will determine whether or not you get anywhere with this chick, is to either "Be honest" or "Keep up the charade." Guess which one of these "gets" you the girl? Hint: it's the same decision Twix made when they decided to develop this whole commercial.
Showing posts with label obsolescence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label obsolescence. Show all posts
Friday, June 6, 2008
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Computers? No thanks, I have my slide rule
Isn't it enough that a pathetic majority of advertisers are talking to us like we're dumb? Now we have Century 21 just flat out telling us we're dumb:
Graphic: Can a computer do it all?
This sounds like one of those pamphlets weirdo fundamentalists pass out on the street, "Humans... descended from monkeys?"
Oh, no! The "Com-put-er"! Demon machine! Boxy, noisy plaything of Satan! Don't let it eat your tiny brain, American television viewer! It's not even helpful, anyway.
Realtor (smugly): Some people think they can do it all on the computer
"Some people. People who think they're smart. People who went to college, or something gay like that. But don't worry, they're just as stupid and helpless as you. Thankfully, there's help -- in the form of a realtor taking a 6% commission."
Realtor (almost indignantly): Find a home, sell a home.
Find a home. Sell a home. Well, there's two things that can be done on a computer, and there's more, believe it or not. Maybe Century 21 is talking about a computer that isn't hooked up to the internet.
Realtor: Except the computer can't do what I do at Century 21.
If finding a home and selling a home are what you do at Century 21, then you're wrong here. That can be done on a computer. It can be done easily. It could be done by someone with a middle school education. It could be done by someone who is barely literate. It could be done by an immigrant from a developing nation who took a computer class through a junior college at night while he worked for $5 an hour for ten hours during the day. In short, it could be done by an American, commonly known to you and other advertisers as a chimpanzee.
Realtor: Understand your needs
My computer doesn't need to understand my needs because I understand my needs, and I'm the one sitting in front of my computer. The computer is not a Turing machine or something where I ask it to complete a task and it gives me one answer. I have the ability to use my own intelligence and judgment while I'm operating the computer to enhance its computational functionality. For instance, when I'm looking for properties I might want to buy, I can tell my computer to ignore anything listed by a Century 21 agent.
Realtor (choppily, as though completely bullshitting): The subtleties of the market, the neighborhood
"Subtleties of the market"! Nice one, girl! You pulled that one out of where the sun don't shine. Sadly, once again, the computer's got that one covered.
The neighborhood? Hmm, you may have stumped me there. Unless it were a Jetsons-style computer that unbundled, expanded, grew wheels and drove you around the neighborhood.... oh wait, what? We don't need that? You mean we have web sites, map tools, detailed map tools, and even more, detaileder map tools that border on violating the right to privacy?
Realtor: The schools, the process
Schools? Wrong. The process? Whatever, you'll need a lawyer anyway, and s/he will know the process cold. Alternatively, there are web sites that can walk you through how to make an offer, or a counter-offer, sign a mortgage, or whatever.
Realtor: To watch your eyes when you walk into a home and know right away that you're in love with it.
(Walking up to a listed house with a Century 21 agent)
Agent: So, this next house I really think you're going to like. Especially since, as a Century 21 realtor, I understand your needs.
Buyer: Hmm, thanks. Strangely, I also understand my needs. And do all Century 21 realtors talk like that?
Agent: I would describe the market as riddled with subtleties right now.
Buyer: Not really, it's just a down market while we're coming out of a massive, unchecked housing bo-
Agent: The neighborhood here is really nice, too.
Buyer: I know. I looked it up at home on my compu-
Agent: The schools here are great. Take my word for it.
Buyer: Actually, I checked out the district on the internet, and the ISAT test scores were below state aver-
Agent: Let me talk to you about the process...
(Entering home.)
Buyer (looks at home for first time): Hmm, this is kind of nic-
Agent: You're in love with it! I knew that right away! I can do this thing? Where I watch your eyes, and I can tell right away when you're in love with a house!
Buyer: Why are you even here?
Realtor: No computer can do that.
Man, the luddites at Century 21 better have their baseball bats ready this fall when IBM introduces the new InstaProperty-Approval Retinal Scantron DX. They're gonna be pissed.
Graphic: Can a computer do it all?
This sounds like one of those pamphlets weirdo fundamentalists pass out on the street, "Humans... descended from monkeys?"
Oh, no! The "Com-put-er"! Demon machine! Boxy, noisy plaything of Satan! Don't let it eat your tiny brain, American television viewer! It's not even helpful, anyway.
Realtor (smugly): Some people think they can do it all on the computer
"Some people. People who think they're smart. People who went to college, or something gay like that. But don't worry, they're just as stupid and helpless as you. Thankfully, there's help -- in the form of a realtor taking a 6% commission."
Realtor (almost indignantly): Find a home, sell a home.
Find a home. Sell a home. Well, there's two things that can be done on a computer, and there's more, believe it or not. Maybe Century 21 is talking about a computer that isn't hooked up to the internet.
Realtor: Except the computer can't do what I do at Century 21.
If finding a home and selling a home are what you do at Century 21, then you're wrong here. That can be done on a computer. It can be done easily. It could be done by someone with a middle school education. It could be done by someone who is barely literate. It could be done by an immigrant from a developing nation who took a computer class through a junior college at night while he worked for $5 an hour for ten hours during the day. In short, it could be done by an American, commonly known to you and other advertisers as a chimpanzee.
Realtor: Understand your needs
My computer doesn't need to understand my needs because I understand my needs, and I'm the one sitting in front of my computer. The computer is not a Turing machine or something where I ask it to complete a task and it gives me one answer. I have the ability to use my own intelligence and judgment while I'm operating the computer to enhance its computational functionality. For instance, when I'm looking for properties I might want to buy, I can tell my computer to ignore anything listed by a Century 21 agent.
Realtor (choppily, as though completely bullshitting): The subtleties of the market, the neighborhood
"Subtleties of the market"! Nice one, girl! You pulled that one out of where the sun don't shine. Sadly, once again, the computer's got that one covered.
The neighborhood? Hmm, you may have stumped me there. Unless it were a Jetsons-style computer that unbundled, expanded, grew wheels and drove you around the neighborhood.... oh wait, what? We don't need that? You mean we have web sites, map tools, detailed map tools, and even more, detaileder map tools that border on violating the right to privacy?
Realtor: The schools, the process
Schools? Wrong. The process? Whatever, you'll need a lawyer anyway, and s/he will know the process cold. Alternatively, there are web sites that can walk you through how to make an offer, or a counter-offer, sign a mortgage, or whatever.
Realtor: To watch your eyes when you walk into a home and know right away that you're in love with it.
(Walking up to a listed house with a Century 21 agent)
Agent: So, this next house I really think you're going to like. Especially since, as a Century 21 realtor, I understand your needs.
Buyer: Hmm, thanks. Strangely, I also understand my needs. And do all Century 21 realtors talk like that?
Agent: I would describe the market as riddled with subtleties right now.
Buyer: Not really, it's just a down market while we're coming out of a massive, unchecked housing bo-
Agent: The neighborhood here is really nice, too.
Buyer: I know. I looked it up at home on my compu-
Agent: The schools here are great. Take my word for it.
Buyer: Actually, I checked out the district on the internet, and the ISAT test scores were below state aver-
Agent: Let me talk to you about the process...
(Entering home.)
Buyer (looks at home for first time): Hmm, this is kind of nic-
Agent: You're in love with it! I knew that right away! I can do this thing? Where I watch your eyes, and I can tell right away when you're in love with a house!
Buyer: Why are you even here?
Realtor: No computer can do that.
Man, the luddites at Century 21 better have their baseball bats ready this fall when IBM introduces the new InstaProperty-Approval Retinal Scantron DX. They're gonna be pissed.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Get it, got it, now get your ads off the air
Ahh, yes. The irony of a television ad for TiVo. Utilizing the very medium you're obsolescing. Targeting the last bastion of regular TV viewers who lack the TiVos they need in order to fast forward through TiVo ads. Haven't you harmed television advertising enough, TiVo? Haven't you wrought enough pain on the business of marketing? Apparently not, because you went and did this:
Does your television "get" you? I mean, does it really "get" you? In that special way only an electronics product can "get" you? Does it "get" you in the sense that only a super-nebulous, super-unmeaningful word like "get" "gets" you? If not, you should consider "getting" a TiVo. And you should consider using the word "get" 5 times in 30 seconds.
This baseball version is the most egregious of the campaign's many ads, particularly for people who like baseball. It just leaves you with a sour taste for the sport.
(My Tivo) knows that I like baseball, so it records everything with the word 'baseball' in it.
"All right, my TiVo gets me and it recorded the Giants game. They're my team. And it recorded Baseball Tonight, too. I love Baseball Tonight. Man, I am being seriously gotten by my TiVo. Oh wait, it also recorded the A's game. I hate the A's. Oh, and the Braves game on TBS. And the Cubs game on WGN. What the hell, I didn't realize that when I set it to record everything with the word 'baseball' in it that it would actually record everything with the word 'baseball' in it. I thought my TiVo was a sentient being that was capable of understanding my television desires, or, more simply put, "getting" me!"
Do you seriously have data that show people use this feature, TiVo?
Woman (come-hitherly): Honey...
Man (raising eyebrows and TiVo 'antennae' or whatever they are): ... and I can pause anytime.
Are you sure you want to pause? You haven't given your TiVo a chance to "get" your sexual appetite.
And the whole antennae thing. Not much to mention except this it's just sort of gross and fake-looking. I can't wait until TiVo starts paying people to wear black antennae and pass out coupons in the street. Or maybe direct marketing is too cutting-edge for them -- after all, they're happy to put their ad dollars into :30 spots.
Tagline (in voiceover and on screen): My Tivo gets me.
Was this necessary? We "got" the message the first 4 times you said it.
There are more of these ads, including one randomly featuring Gene Shalit, to prattle on about, but, why?
Does your television "get" you? I mean, does it really "get" you? In that special way only an electronics product can "get" you? Does it "get" you in the sense that only a super-nebulous, super-unmeaningful word like "get" "gets" you? If not, you should consider "getting" a TiVo. And you should consider using the word "get" 5 times in 30 seconds.
This baseball version is the most egregious of the campaign's many ads, particularly for people who like baseball. It just leaves you with a sour taste for the sport.
(My Tivo) knows that I like baseball, so it records everything with the word 'baseball' in it.
"All right, my TiVo gets me and it recorded the Giants game. They're my team. And it recorded Baseball Tonight, too. I love Baseball Tonight. Man, I am being seriously gotten by my TiVo. Oh wait, it also recorded the A's game. I hate the A's. Oh, and the Braves game on TBS. And the Cubs game on WGN. What the hell, I didn't realize that when I set it to record everything with the word 'baseball' in it that it would actually record everything with the word 'baseball' in it. I thought my TiVo was a sentient being that was capable of understanding my television desires, or, more simply put, "getting" me!"
Do you seriously have data that show people use this feature, TiVo?
Woman (come-hitherly): Honey...
Man (raising eyebrows and TiVo 'antennae' or whatever they are): ... and I can pause anytime.
Are you sure you want to pause? You haven't given your TiVo a chance to "get" your sexual appetite.
And the whole antennae thing. Not much to mention except this it's just sort of gross and fake-looking. I can't wait until TiVo starts paying people to wear black antennae and pass out coupons in the street. Or maybe direct marketing is too cutting-edge for them -- after all, they're happy to put their ad dollars into :30 spots.
Tagline (in voiceover and on screen): My Tivo gets me.
Was this necessary? We "got" the message the first 4 times you said it.
There are more of these ads, including one randomly featuring Gene Shalit, to prattle on about, but, why?
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