Hey, dummy. Are you too stupid to understand the concept of a computer virus? Well, what if Norton did a dopey, drawn-out commercial that used a nonsensical analogy? Would that help?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
Announcer: "Imagine this chicken is your hard drive, and the 80s metal band Dokken is a computer virus."
Was this commercial written by the same manatees who produce the jokes for Family Guy? Dokken? Has anyone even thought about them in the last 20 years? Let's just say I'm not surprised they were available.
Announcer: "Dokken does not like chicken, and wants to destroy it. The chicken, not knowing Dokken's intentions, doesn't really have any feelings either way."
I love that the analogy already runs off the rails here, since computer viruses are ultimately just bits of executable code, and are not capable of liking or disliking things. Also, I would suggest that the worst computer viruses are the ones that look to mine your hard drive for personal data, rather than ones that simply seek to maliciously destroy your data for sport. But whatever makes the most sense. Oh, right - nothing in this ad makes sense.
Announcer: "Now you have a choice. Would you like to allow Dokken to have its way with your chicken, unleashing a wrath the likes of which the chicken has never seen? Or would you like to deny it?"
Uh, Norton doesn't actually have a "Nah, let that virus run rampant" option in its software, right?
[The chicken pulls a knife on Dokken.]
Don Dokken: "Whoa. Take it easy, bro!"
A perfect allegory for the workings of antivirus software. Well, if they'd used Glass Tiger instead it would have been perfect. But this is pretty close.
Don Dokken: "This ain't over."
Announcer: "Protect your chicken from Dokken."
Alternate slogans for this ad campaign:
"Protect your inner tube from Welshmen"
"Protect your self-esteem from pandas"
"Protect your wet-dry vacuum from Annette Funicello"
"Protect your sourdough roll from Halley's Comet"
"Protect your gravy boat from ? and the Mysterians"
"Protect your mason jar from the Caspian Sea"
Sadly, all of these were deemed far too comprehensible to work.