Oh hey there.
You may (probably not) have noticed we haven't posted in a while. But if there was one thing that was going to drag us out of retirement, it was another Super Bowl with its terrible, terrible "event" advertising. So of course here we are.
The Apple 1984 Memorial Award for Least Shitty Ad
Winner: BMW
Celebrity cameos are rarely inspiring. And it's slightly annoying for BMW to compare its electric car to the entire internet. But despite that, this ad is pretty clever. The Gumbel/Couric clip is infamous for how hilariously tone-deaf it sounds twenty years later (let's face it, it sounded tone-deaf five years later), and BMW does a pretty good job playing it off against the continuing struggle that people have with getting into the concept of electric cars. (While no one is quite as confused about them as this ad, or that old Chevy Volt one, would imply, it's certainly true that they have not gained the traction they probably should.) Also, this is an ad that is VERY direct about its product, a relative rarity during the Super Bowl. Credit where credit is due.
Most Overproduced Ad
Winner: Mophie
Mophie should also probably win an award that we don't give out (although the Cheapest Budget award gets halfway there) called "Who knew that was something that could afford to advertise during the Super Bowl?" But really, just look at this thing. All that CGI. All those apocalyptic sets. They had to build at least one set that could rotate, by the looks of it. And for what? A mediocre joke about God's phone battery running low. (And they didn't even go for the bonus "Me darn it" joke! What's up with that?) Also, doesn't God live up there? Like, he has a power cord, right? This premise isn't even internally consistent.
Cheapest Budget/Clumsiest Execution Award
Winner: Chevrolet
Frankly, Chevy's "You know you want a truck" pitch annoyed me all night. This probably wasn't the worst of their ads, but considering that nearly all of it is a black screen with text on it? It's a shoo-in for Cheapest Budget. Also, the suggestion that I go sit in a car to watch the Super Bowl is entirely comical. Why wouldn't I just go out somewhere at that point? What if I'm hosting a Super Bowl party? Complete nonsense. I suppose it gets its point across - this truck has built-in wi-fi! - but it does so in the laziest fashion possible.
Worst Use of "Humor" Award
Winner: Pizza Hut
This one actually aired before the Super Bowl, but it came on again during the game, so here it is. I must admit I don't totally hate this ad, but it makes several key mistakes. For one thing, I find it strange that the ad makes a completely unattributed reference to the Dez Bryant non-catch in the NFC Divisional round game between the Cowboys and Packers yet thinks you WON'T know who Rex Ryan is. (If you need to have a character say your celebrity cameo's name out loud, you should not be using that celebrity for your cameo. Also, if you don't know who Rex Ryan is, will hearing his name help you? It's like this is just to impress the non-football fans. "I don't know who that dude is, but he must be a famous coach because they said his name out loud! Pizza Hut is obviously great!") But the simple reason it ends up in this spot? The utterly gratuitous nut-shot, which is only there in an attempt for the cheapest possible joke. You didn't have to go there, Pizza Hut.
Flimsiest Pretense Award
Winner: Game of War
Word to the wise: "Free to play" means very little coming from an ad for a game that evidently had FOUR AND A HALF MILLION BUCKS to drop on this ad (and that's just for the ad space itself). But seriously, look at the "game play" at the end of the ad. That's what the game looks like. It doesn't look like a complex battle on a movie set. And it SURE doesn't have anything to do with Kate Upton's heaving bosom. But, give it to these guys: they know who they're marketing to.
The Carlos Mencia Book Prize for the Most Egregious Use of B-List Celebrities
Winner: T-Mobile
This is always one of the most competitive categories, because advertisers seem convinced that as long as you vaguely recognize a person in their ad, you're more likely to buy their product. Snickers inserting Danny Trejo and Steve Buscemi into the Brady Bunch - a double "Hey I know those things/people!" - was a strong contender, especially since that "You're not you when you're hungry" gimmick is wearing super thin. Lindsay Lohan's appearance in an Esurance ad was also right up there (and man, Lohan is looking rough). But I had to go with T-Mobile because "egregious" is right there in the name of the award. And why did these mildly famous people need to be in this ad? At least the Snickers ad is dependent on having famous people in it. The only joke here that is even remotely dependent on these women being sort of famous is the idea that they MIGHT have mansions (albeit not actually having them). But it's still not necessary. Any two commercial actresses could have handled this and probably would have come cheaper. Maybe they wrote this ad themselves? That's about the only explanation I can think of.
The Bad Idea Jeans Award for Most Epic Miscalculation
Winner: Nationwide
If you were on Twitter during the game, you would have noticed that this almost immediately became one of the most talked-about ads. And not in a good way. I'm actually reminded quite a bit of the ad we started this category for: that Groupon ad from a few years ago that actually ran in the opposite fashion. That one pretended to be serious, then pulled the rug out and made a joke out of its subject. This ad, meanwhile, starts with a whimsical premise and then rug-pulls into abject horror. The bigger problem, of course, is that this is an insurance company - in other words, you give them money to cover your losses if something bad happens. You know, something like your KID DYING. Nationwide claims that this was just about "starting a conversation," but conversations aren't normally started by warning someone about their child dying and then staring at them until they back away uncomfortably.
SkyMall Championship Trophy
Winner: TurboTax
As always, the SkyMall trophy goes to the weirdest attempt to sell a product. And as always, you could frankly give this to almost any Super Bowl ad. Skittles is pretty much a lifetime WTF achievement winner at this point, for example. But I had to go with TurboTax here, because... um. The premise of this ad is that if TurboTax had existed in 1776, the American Revolution wouldn't have happened. Which, uh, means we would all be living as British subjects right now. Was this ad written by Benedict Arnold? Bonus points for how overdone this ad is. You went to all that trouble and literally the only message is "TurboTax makes doing your taxes easier," which is a message I think most people get simply from hearing the name TurboTax. Coulda saved you NINE MILLION BUCKS since apparently this ad was sixty seconds long? This ad also sucks because of how weirdly glib it is. "Sure the US tax code is notoriously byzantine, but at least we don't charge you to file!" Way to clear the lowest possible bar, dudes.
Worst Super Bowl Ad of 2015
Winner: Bud Light
Plenty of strong contenders for this one as well. Could've been the Fiat ad that was basically a nine-million-dollar dick joke. Could've been the Mercedes-Benz ad that rewrites the ending of the Tortoise and the Hare so that the tortoise not only wins but also gets to fuck the hare's wife for some reason. Could've been the Fifty Shades of Grey or Ted 2 trailers just on principle because I can't fucking believe EITHER of those movies exists. Or it could have been the mawkish claptrap that was McDonald's pretending it cares about you as anything other than a revenue stream. But in the end, I had to go with Bud Light.
As I tweeted, "Bud Light: the perfect beer for when you are so clearly an actor it's painful." I don't know why they even bothered saying "Hidden cameras!" at the beginning as if the way the commercial proceeds is going to lead me to think I'm actually watching events that just spontaneously unfolded. Well, obviously they didn't - even if this were real, Bud Light had to set them up. But you know what I mean. Listen to that guy's incredibly unconvincing response when he comes across a giant quarter sitting on the sidewalk. But then, when you're tasked with being handed a Bud Light and selling the line "This is all I've wanted all day," I can see where it would be hard to convince. Look, this concept was kind of funny (if similarly unconvincing) the first time they tried it, with that dude bouncing from one random encounter to the next. But this is literally one thing - Human Pac-Man - being played by a guy who isn't famous but also does not come across as a convincingly real person who was actually just thrown into this weird situation. Also, Human Pac-Man isn't that funny or interesting. Also this ad is NINETY SECONDS LONG. Bud Light spent $13.5 million to remind me that their product exists and that there are people out there who are so desperate for shitty beer that they'll leave a bar they just walked into, walk down the street, blunder into a human-sized video game that Anheuser-Busch could get the rights to, and then act super excited because as their prize for having to go through all this rigmarole they received ONE BOTTLE of shitty beer. Congrats, Bud Light: your tedious slog through a fake urban wonderland was the worst Super Bowl ad of 2015.
Showing posts with label pizza hut. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pizza hut. Show all posts
Monday, February 2, 2015
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Love is in the air, and it smells like pepperoni
In honor of Valentine's Day, get a load of this shit.
That is a screenshot of this page, which I took because since the listed end date for the promotion is 2/14/12, who knows how long it'll be up for your perusal.
I mean, holy shit, right? Look, I know this is probably just for publicity. Pizza Hut comes up with a gimmicky thing that no one would ever actually buy, it gets kicked around the web because people love that Neiman Marcus fantasy gift shit, and boom, free advertising for the $10 dinner box, which I did not previously know was a thing. But just imagine for a second that Pizza Hut was serious here. How fucking deranged is this?
First, I love that it's not a diamond ring, although if you're the kind of woman who INSISTS on an expensive diamond for your engagement ring, you're probably not going to be too impressed with the $10 dinner box proposal no matter how nice the ring is.
Then, how about a photographer AND a videographer? I'm not sure that's enough. How about a caricature artist too, and maybe a stenographer to get down every word you're saying? You really want to remember every facet of your embarrassing Pizza Hut proposal.
I also love that the stated cost is $10,010, because that includes the dinner box. Yeah, we couldn't just include that in the obscene $10,000 engagement package. That's extra. (The "plus tax" also kills me.) This is really the biggest tip-off that Pizza Hut is mostly kidding around, I think (although I'm sure if anyone actually wanted this they'd be happy to sell it). It's funnier if you take this extravagant package and make the cheap-ass food cost extra on top of it.
If you click on "more information" it gives you the press release, which only makes it clearer that this is a publicity stunt of the highest caliber. Most of the time is spent talking about the dinner box itself:
The $10 Dinner Box Proposal Package includes a ruby engagement ring, limo service, flowers, fireworks show, photographer, videographer and of course, most importantly, the mouth-watering new $10 Dinner Box.
Fitting all of these amazing items into one package echoes the feat pulled off inside the new Pizza Hut $10 Dinner Box, which includes a medium one-topping rectangular pan pizza, five breadsticks with marinara sauce and 10 cinnamon sticks with a sweet icing cup in one box for only $10.
Just by the way, that is like the starchiest thing that ever starched.
"If we’re able to fit pizza, breadsticks and dessert into one box for only $10, why stop there?" asked Kurt Kane, Pizza Hut CMO.
Right.
Perhaps my favorite part - and again, it's irrelevant because ain't nobody buying this - is in the fine print:
"We may substitute listed products with equivalent value products."
I wonder which of those products is most likely to be substituted for an item of equal value. If you're the sort of person who loves Pizza Hut so much you're willing to propose marriage over a pizza box, maybe you could trade in the fireworks show for a couple years' worth of Lipitor.
That is a screenshot of this page, which I took because since the listed end date for the promotion is 2/14/12, who knows how long it'll be up for your perusal.
I mean, holy shit, right? Look, I know this is probably just for publicity. Pizza Hut comes up with a gimmicky thing that no one would ever actually buy, it gets kicked around the web because people love that Neiman Marcus fantasy gift shit, and boom, free advertising for the $10 dinner box, which I did not previously know was a thing. But just imagine for a second that Pizza Hut was serious here. How fucking deranged is this?
First, I love that it's not a diamond ring, although if you're the kind of woman who INSISTS on an expensive diamond for your engagement ring, you're probably not going to be too impressed with the $10 dinner box proposal no matter how nice the ring is.
Then, how about a photographer AND a videographer? I'm not sure that's enough. How about a caricature artist too, and maybe a stenographer to get down every word you're saying? You really want to remember every facet of your embarrassing Pizza Hut proposal.
I also love that the stated cost is $10,010, because that includes the dinner box. Yeah, we couldn't just include that in the obscene $10,000 engagement package. That's extra. (The "plus tax" also kills me.) This is really the biggest tip-off that Pizza Hut is mostly kidding around, I think (although I'm sure if anyone actually wanted this they'd be happy to sell it). It's funnier if you take this extravagant package and make the cheap-ass food cost extra on top of it.
If you click on "more information" it gives you the press release, which only makes it clearer that this is a publicity stunt of the highest caliber. Most of the time is spent talking about the dinner box itself:
The $10 Dinner Box Proposal Package includes a ruby engagement ring, limo service, flowers, fireworks show, photographer, videographer and of course, most importantly, the mouth-watering new $10 Dinner Box.
Fitting all of these amazing items into one package echoes the feat pulled off inside the new Pizza Hut $10 Dinner Box, which includes a medium one-topping rectangular pan pizza, five breadsticks with marinara sauce and 10 cinnamon sticks with a sweet icing cup in one box for only $10.
Just by the way, that is like the starchiest thing that ever starched.
"If we’re able to fit pizza, breadsticks and dessert into one box for only $10, why stop there?" asked Kurt Kane, Pizza Hut CMO.
Right.
Perhaps my favorite part - and again, it's irrelevant because ain't nobody buying this - is in the fine print:
"We may substitute listed products with equivalent value products."
I wonder which of those products is most likely to be substituted for an item of equal value. If you're the sort of person who loves Pizza Hut so much you're willing to propose marriage over a pizza box, maybe you could trade in the fireworks show for a couple years' worth of Lipitor.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
It's Pizza Hut's world, we just live in it
Have you eaten food recently? Was that food vaguely Italian? Be warned: you might have accidentally appeared in the next Pizza Hut commercial.
This is at least the second in Pizza Hut's series of ads in which they trick people into eating their food, the first being this one. Does the premise of this ad seem a little strange to you? That premise being "Our pizza was nasty and artificial, but now it's like, natural. Which means it's good." Doesn't this kind of make you feel bad for ever having ordered from Pizza Hut? "Jesus, did I really consume that disgusting shit?" I mean, "Now you're eating?" Only now am I eating? So, what was I doing the last time I had Pizza Hut? I guess I wasn't eating. I still know what I was doing three hours later, though.
Does "all-natural" pepperoni and sauce really constitute a "totally new way" to make pizza, by the way? It's not like the cheese is made from yak's milk or the pizza baked in a clay oven for six hours. It's pizza, but you made the sauce with like two different ingredients. I think that's worth some sort of Dateline exposé.
This is at least the second in Pizza Hut's series of ads in which they trick people into eating their food, the first being this one. Does the premise of this ad seem a little strange to you? That premise being "Our pizza was nasty and artificial, but now it's like, natural. Which means it's good." Doesn't this kind of make you feel bad for ever having ordered from Pizza Hut? "Jesus, did I really consume that disgusting shit?" I mean, "Now you're eating?" Only now am I eating? So, what was I doing the last time I had Pizza Hut? I guess I wasn't eating. I still know what I was doing three hours later, though.
Does "all-natural" pepperoni and sauce really constitute a "totally new way" to make pizza, by the way? It's not like the cheese is made from yak's milk or the pizza baked in a clay oven for six hours. It's pizza, but you made the sauce with like two different ingredients. I think that's worth some sort of Dateline exposé.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
And for dessert, a triple bypass
This ad from Pizza Hut is probably a year old. But since they're still airing it, I thought I should post about it. About 5 or so years ago, Pizza Hut first launched the P'zone, a kind of amateurish, overly processed calzone stuffed with nasty pizza toppings. Windier and I were still in college at the time, and we kept seeing these Tommy Davidson commercials talking about the "P'zone revolution." Mildly intrigued, but mostly bored, we set out one night to track down a P'zone for ourselves (only Papa Johns delivered in town). When we finally got around to tasting the P'zone, I quickly decided that it would be the last new Pizza Hut product I'd ever try.
P'zone? We meet again:
Boys: Yo Mooch.
This guy is a such a pain that his nickname is "mooch"? You guys gotta get some new friends.
Mooch: What you boys got there?
Guy: It's a P'zone.
Mooch: It's huge.... so, uh...
Boys: No!
Even the description on the YouTube video said this was the "lamest commercial ever made." While I appreciate the enthusiasm, I've certainly seen some lamer comedy in commercials. But yes, this blows. This is just a sad, tired attempt at humor. Anyway, let's cut to the meat of this commercial....
Announcer: It's back, the Pizza Hut P'zone is yours alone. Over one pound -
?!...!!...?!
- of melted cheese and tasty toppings baked in a pizza crust. A big eat for the tiny price of $5.99.
Over one pound! That's sick! Who needs a pound of food? They might as well package this with a flask of Everclear and a money-saving coupon for a carton of cigarettes.
How many of these could one person eat, you may find yourself asking. Luckily, Pizza Hut's figured that out for you. The answer is four and a half. And that record is set by the best competitive eater in the world. A guy who once ate 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes. That ought to tell you something about these P'zones -- 1 P'zone=14.5 hot dogs. Of course, that doesn't stop Pizza Hut from inviting you to try to competitively eat your own P'zones, as it says on its website, "Think you can do better? Then order a P'zone or two right now and hold your own challenge!" What a fun home game for the kids!
And that brings up the question about how healthy it might be to stuff your face with one (or two!) big, meaty P'zone(s) (you know this can't be good):
1 Meaty P'zone -- Calories: 1380. Fat: 58g (90% of daily value.) Sodium: 3460 mg (142% of daily value.)
"Okay, so after I polish off my P'zone I can still have 10% of my daily fat intake left. Perfect. Just enough for a lowfat yogurt and some pita. But, I'll have to wait until mid-day tomorrow before I eat any salt. All in all, a small price to pay for enjoying what looks like a deflated football filled with sebaceous fluid."
Guy: Hey, Mooch, you want one?
Mooch: Yeah!
Guy: Order up! (tosses phone.)
Maybe the YouTube video description was right. This has brought lame comedy to a new.... whatever the superlative of lame comedy is. Doesn't leave me wanting more. Or any to begin with.
P'zone? We meet again:
Boys: Yo Mooch.
This guy is a such a pain that his nickname is "mooch"? You guys gotta get some new friends.
Mooch: What you boys got there?
Guy: It's a P'zone.
Mooch: It's huge.... so, uh...
Boys: No!
Even the description on the YouTube video said this was the "lamest commercial ever made." While I appreciate the enthusiasm, I've certainly seen some lamer comedy in commercials. But yes, this blows. This is just a sad, tired attempt at humor. Anyway, let's cut to the meat of this commercial....
Announcer: It's back, the Pizza Hut P'zone is yours alone. Over one pound -
?!...!!...?!
- of melted cheese and tasty toppings baked in a pizza crust. A big eat for the tiny price of $5.99.
Over one pound! That's sick! Who needs a pound of food? They might as well package this with a flask of Everclear and a money-saving coupon for a carton of cigarettes.
How many of these could one person eat, you may find yourself asking. Luckily, Pizza Hut's figured that out for you. The answer is four and a half. And that record is set by the best competitive eater in the world. A guy who once ate 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes. That ought to tell you something about these P'zones -- 1 P'zone=14.5 hot dogs. Of course, that doesn't stop Pizza Hut from inviting you to try to competitively eat your own P'zones, as it says on its website, "Think you can do better? Then order a P'zone or two right now and hold your own challenge!" What a fun home game for the kids!
And that brings up the question about how healthy it might be to stuff your face with one (or two!) big, meaty P'zone(s) (you know this can't be good):
1 Meaty P'zone -- Calories: 1380. Fat: 58g (90% of daily value.) Sodium: 3460 mg (142% of daily value.)
"Okay, so after I polish off my P'zone I can still have 10% of my daily fat intake left. Perfect. Just enough for a lowfat yogurt and some pita. But, I'll have to wait until mid-day tomorrow before I eat any salt. All in all, a small price to pay for enjoying what looks like a deflated football filled with sebaceous fluid."
Guy: Hey, Mooch, you want one?
Mooch: Yeah!
Guy: Order up! (tosses phone.)
Maybe the YouTube video description was right. This has brought lame comedy to a new.... whatever the superlative of lame comedy is. Doesn't leave me wanting more. Or any to begin with.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Vote or diet
One of the hoariest expressions in the English language is "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." That's probably a little strong for this Pizza Hut ad, but no matter how nobly-intentioned it is, it's really just not any good.
"Say, did you hear about RECENT POLITICAL NEWS? Those fat cats should do what's best for the common, pizza-eating man! I may just vote on LUDICROUSLY OVER-GENERALIZED POLICY ISSUE!"
Perhaps it's because the spot doesn't actually sell their product, but Pizza Hut doesn't seem to have given this ad much of a budget. It looks like it was filmed with two theater majors on the first day of improv class; I refuse to insult Pizza Hut's marketing team by suggesting that any of the dialogue actually needed to be written down on paper.
Guy 1: "What's up?"
Guy 2: "Just eating some pizza. Check this out. Look at all these presidential candidates talking about change. They're gonna change this, change that... know what I'd like? A little extra change in my pocket."
Sir, I congratulate you. A play on words worthy of Shakespeare. Seriously, could that joke be any older? I think the first recorded use was in this vaudeville routine from 1896:
Guy 1: "I hear you. I may just sit this election out!"
Guy 2: "No, come on, man, you've got a voice! Go use it! You know, you can change history if you just vote."
Guy 1: "Yeah, you're right - I'm voting!"
I hope he isn't that easily swayed when it comes to policy issues. The youth vote has been notoriously hard to mobilize, but the idea of millions of college kids marching to the polls because Pizza Hut told them to is a little weird, isn't it? And what kind of twisted logic leads you to conclude that an unhappiness with the current state of political affairs - whatever that means in this excessively generic case - means that not voting is the best idea, even if you're only concluding that for two seconds until your roommate uses his powers of persuasion on you?
Guy 1: "How about sharing a slice of pizza for a change?"
Ooh, callback! Nice, dude. Very nice.
Guy 2: "Dude, I... two??"
Well, that fell apart in a hurry, didn't it? Archibald Blatherschmidt's Sideshow of Mirth always made much more graceful exits. They just don't make 'em like they used to.
I'm just confused. Did this win some student film contest of which we were not notified? Was this the only take shot with the lens cap off? There has to be some reason for why something so generally limp and shoddy made it to air, doesn't there? I appreciate the sentiment, Pizza Hut, but given the cynicism of the demographic you're targeting, I think you needed something just a little less shitty. Not every argument on the merits of voting can begin and end with, "No, dude, you totally should." And give Pizza Hut credit for not sticking a product shill into the ad - the Pizza Mia box gets placement, of course, but you kind of have to already know what it is to really recognize it as anything other than a generic Pizza Hut box - but it's kind of odd to see an ad that doesn't pitch a product, especially when the election is still more than nine months away. Think of all the kids rolling out of bed on November 5. "Hey, man, were we supposed to do something for Pizza Hut yesterday?" "Shit, dude, I don't know. You up for some Taco Bell?"
"Say, did you hear about RECENT POLITICAL NEWS? Those fat cats should do what's best for the common, pizza-eating man! I may just vote on LUDICROUSLY OVER-GENERALIZED POLICY ISSUE!"
Perhaps it's because the spot doesn't actually sell their product, but Pizza Hut doesn't seem to have given this ad much of a budget. It looks like it was filmed with two theater majors on the first day of improv class; I refuse to insult Pizza Hut's marketing team by suggesting that any of the dialogue actually needed to be written down on paper.
Guy 1: "What's up?"
Guy 2: "Just eating some pizza. Check this out. Look at all these presidential candidates talking about change. They're gonna change this, change that... know what I'd like? A little extra change in my pocket."
Sir, I congratulate you. A play on words worthy of Shakespeare. Seriously, could that joke be any older? I think the first recorded use was in this vaudeville routine from 1896:
Archibald T. Blatherschmidt: "I say, Bartleby, that William Jennings Bryan is always talking about silver. Silver this, silver that... know what I'd like?"
Bartleby J. Straightman: "What is it that you would like, Archibald?"
Archibald T. Blatherschmidt: "A little extra silver in my pocket!"
[general merriment]
Guy 1: "I hear you. I may just sit this election out!"
Guy 2: "No, come on, man, you've got a voice! Go use it! You know, you can change history if you just vote."
Guy 1: "Yeah, you're right - I'm voting!"
I hope he isn't that easily swayed when it comes to policy issues. The youth vote has been notoriously hard to mobilize, but the idea of millions of college kids marching to the polls because Pizza Hut told them to is a little weird, isn't it? And what kind of twisted logic leads you to conclude that an unhappiness with the current state of political affairs - whatever that means in this excessively generic case - means that not voting is the best idea, even if you're only concluding that for two seconds until your roommate uses his powers of persuasion on you?
Guy 1: "How about sharing a slice of pizza for a change?"
Ooh, callback! Nice, dude. Very nice.
Guy 2: "Dude, I... two??"
Well, that fell apart in a hurry, didn't it? Archibald Blatherschmidt's Sideshow of Mirth always made much more graceful exits. They just don't make 'em like they used to.
I'm just confused. Did this win some student film contest of which we were not notified? Was this the only take shot with the lens cap off? There has to be some reason for why something so generally limp and shoddy made it to air, doesn't there? I appreciate the sentiment, Pizza Hut, but given the cynicism of the demographic you're targeting, I think you needed something just a little less shitty. Not every argument on the merits of voting can begin and end with, "No, dude, you totally should." And give Pizza Hut credit for not sticking a product shill into the ad - the Pizza Mia box gets placement, of course, but you kind of have to already know what it is to really recognize it as anything other than a generic Pizza Hut box - but it's kind of odd to see an ad that doesn't pitch a product, especially when the election is still more than nine months away. Think of all the kids rolling out of bed on November 5. "Hey, man, were we supposed to do something for Pizza Hut yesterday?" "Shit, dude, I don't know. You up for some Taco Bell?"
Sunday, October 7, 2007
A man in the kitchen? What is this, Opposite Day?
Watch enough family-oriented fast food commercials and the endlessly repetitive world of advertising will drill two things into your head: men can't cook, and they'll always cover this up by ordering fast food.
Older daughter: "Dad's making dinner?"
Younger daughter: [scoffs disgustedly]
Dad's making dinner? Oh no. Sweet merciful crap. God, why have you forsaken us? You see, our father is a staggering incompetent, incapable of even the most rudimentary culinary achievements, such as boiling water. Men, huh? Am I right, ladies?
Wife: "Oh, it'll be fine! Maybe."
Say, question: if the entire rest of the family has such little confidence in Dad's cooking skills, why do they leave him in charge of it?
Kids: "Yes! No way! Wow!" etc.
No way? No way??? "Holy shit, this is unbelievable! Pizza, here in our house! I thought a feast of such staggering proportions - not one but two pizzas, breadsticks, two liters of soda - was available only to the richest Americans, but now I discover that our family can also live the life of Riley! Thanks, Dad! Thanks, Pizza Hut!"
Husband: "Who's the man?"
Let me just check "use of severely dated catchphrase that has moved into unironic use by middle-aged white men and therefore should immediately be retired" off my list of Ten Trademark Signs You're Watching a Shitty Commercial.
Wife: "I love you!"
Wait until you see the four false starts at meatloaf he left in the kitchen for you to clean up. Because men can't cook! Wa ha ha! They earn their wives' love by having pizza delivered!
Announcer: "Pizza Hut's Family Value Meal is easy!"
"Forget the significantly healthier meal you could put together at half the price! Call now and we'll throw in a couple Doughy Fat-Starch Balls for just $1.99!"
Dad: "Who says I can't cook?"
A host of lazy, hackneyed, unfunny ads like this one.
Older daughter: "Dad's making dinner?"
Younger daughter: [scoffs disgustedly]
Dad's making dinner? Oh no. Sweet merciful crap. God, why have you forsaken us? You see, our father is a staggering incompetent, incapable of even the most rudimentary culinary achievements, such as boiling water. Men, huh? Am I right, ladies?
Wife: "Oh, it'll be fine! Maybe."
Say, question: if the entire rest of the family has such little confidence in Dad's cooking skills, why do they leave him in charge of it?
Kids: "Yes! No way! Wow!" etc.
No way? No way??? "Holy shit, this is unbelievable! Pizza, here in our house! I thought a feast of such staggering proportions - not one but two pizzas, breadsticks, two liters of soda - was available only to the richest Americans, but now I discover that our family can also live the life of Riley! Thanks, Dad! Thanks, Pizza Hut!"
Husband: "Who's the man?"
Let me just check "use of severely dated catchphrase that has moved into unironic use by middle-aged white men and therefore should immediately be retired" off my list of Ten Trademark Signs You're Watching a Shitty Commercial.
Wife: "I love you!"
Wait until you see the four false starts at meatloaf he left in the kitchen for you to clean up. Because men can't cook! Wa ha ha! They earn their wives' love by having pizza delivered!
Announcer: "Pizza Hut's Family Value Meal is easy!"
"Forget the significantly healthier meal you could put together at half the price! Call now and we'll throw in a couple Doughy Fat-Starch Balls for just $1.99!"
Dad: "Who says I can't cook?"
A host of lazy, hackneyed, unfunny ads like this one.
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