And for dessert, a triple bypass

This ad from Pizza Hut is probably a year old. But since they're still airing it, I thought I should post about it. About 5 or so years ago, Pizza Hut first launched the P'zone, a kind of amateurish, overly processed calzone stuffed with nasty pizza toppings. Windier and I were still in college at the time, and we kept seeing these Tommy Davidson commercials talking about the "P'zone revolution." Mildly intrigued, but mostly bored, we set out one night to track down a P'zone for ourselves (only Papa Johns delivered in town). When we finally got around to tasting the P'zone, I quickly decided that it would be the last new Pizza Hut product I'd ever try.

P'zone? We meet again:



Boys: Yo Mooch.

This guy is a such a pain that his nickname is "mooch"? You guys gotta get some new friends.

Mooch: What you boys got there?

Guy: It's a P'zone.

Mooch: It's huge.... so, uh...

Boys: No!

Even the description on the YouTube video said this was the "lamest commercial ever made." While I appreciate the enthusiasm, I've certainly seen some lamer comedy in commercials. But yes, this blows. This is just a sad, tired attempt at humor. Anyway, let's cut to the meat of this commercial....

Announcer: It's back, the Pizza Hut P'zone is yours alone. Over one pound -

?!...!!...?!

- of melted cheese and tasty toppings baked in a pizza crust. A big eat for the tiny price of $5.99.

Over one pound! That's sick! Who needs a pound of food? They might as well package this with a flask of Everclear and a money-saving coupon for a carton of cigarettes.

How many of these could one person eat, you may find yourself asking. Luckily, Pizza Hut's figured that out for you. The answer is four and a half. And that record is set by the best competitive eater in the world. A guy who once ate 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes. That ought to tell you something about these P'zones -- 1 P'zone=14.5 hot dogs. Of course, that doesn't stop Pizza Hut from inviting you to try to competitively eat your own P'zones, as it says on its website, "Think you can do better? Then order a P'zone or two right now and hold your own challenge!" What a fun home game for the kids!

And that brings up the question about how healthy it might be to stuff your face with one (or two!) big, meaty P'zone(s) (you know this can't be good):

1 Meaty P'zone -- Calories: 1380. Fat: 58g (90% of daily value.) Sodium: 3460 mg (142% of daily value.)

"Okay, so after I polish off my P'zone I can still have 10% of my daily fat intake left. Perfect. Just enough for a lowfat yogurt and some pita. But, I'll have to wait until mid-day tomorrow before I eat any salt. All in all, a small price to pay for enjoying what looks like a deflated football filled with sebaceous fluid."

Guy: Hey, Mooch, you want one?

Mooch: Yeah!

Guy: Order up! (tosses phone.)

Maybe the YouTube video description was right. This has brought lame comedy to a new.... whatever the superlative of lame comedy is. Doesn't leave me wanting more. Or any to begin with.