Pepto-Bismol, as you probably know by now, treats the following symptoms: nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea. In the following ad, they seem to be focusing on just one of those five. Guess which one before you watch. Hint: it's the one that is hilarious.
I'm pretty sure this is web-only, which isn't surprising - if the FCC wouldn't let Bud Light's "Cut the Cheese" ad past, there's no way this would get through.
Pepto Guy [answering phone]: "Pepto-Bismol! Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea! Oh, yes sir, how are you today? Well, what have you ingested, sir? Okay, chimichanga... okay, salsa... all right, General Tso's chicken... I've never heard of a Chinese-Mexican restaurant. I think I see the problem here, sir, yeah."
That, my friends, is tedious. Tedious, not at all funny, and it takes up nearly half the ad on just this one dude's boring problem. Can we please get to the diarrhea? (Oh, spoiler alert: the thing they think is funny is diarrhea.)
Pepto Guy: "Oh... a what? An oopsie shart? What is a- oh, gosh!"
And right here is a big reason why this ad did not make it to air. On the off chance that you're not familiar with "shart" and somehow can't guess, it's a combination of "shit" and "fart." That's right! The hilarity! The shitting hilarity!
Pepto Guy: "Yeah, hello sir, I can hear you. Mm-hmm. You're up to your what in what?"
"You're up to your knees in shit? This is about shit, right? I mean, you're not up to your trachea in stomach acid."
Pepto Guy [put off his onion rings]: "Yeah. Oh dear."
We all know that upset stomachs are really, really disgusting. I guess maybe this guy could be calling about puking his guts out, but that's not funny, so I think we can feel free to assume it's also about diarrhea. Riotous!
Pepto Guy: "Loudly? Yeah. My wife does that in her sleep. Yeah, it's funny, yeah. Well, I can see why it would not be funny for you."
But it is funny for us. Farting is so hilarious that even awkward allusions to it crack me up!
Pepto Guy: "Really? Well, why w- why would you do that in your pants?"
One guess as to which of Pepto's target ailments you can do in your pants! See below for answer.
(Answer: Diarrhea!!!!!)
This is really the best use of the "Pepto Hotline" gimmick they could think of, apparently - people calling all day to complain about how they've just shit their pants. Really, why are they even calling? If they know Pepto cures diarrhea, maybe they should go out and buy some rather than calling this guy, who, by the way, is not shown providing one iota of help to any of these people. It's all just hilarious, hilarious jokes in the "I've got to repeat what Chewbacca just said back to him so the viewers know what he said" mold - and of the five jokes in the ad, fully three are definitively about either farting or diarrhea, and a fourth is almost certainly about diarrhea as well. Was this spot written by Peter Griffin?
On the bright side, this ad is so funny that I'm going to use its technique on this blog from now on. Welcome to "Who Are The Ad Wizards Who Came Up With This Diarrhea?" And stay tuned for future posts like "This Hyundai ad was so bad it gave me diarrhea!" and "McDonald's: I'm loving shitting my pants!" I predict a million hits by Wednesday.
Showing posts with label pepto-bismol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pepto-bismol. Show all posts
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Pepto Abysmal
Even in the world of advertising, where maybe one joke in a thousand is actually funny, sometimes you run across a truly epic failure of comedy.
Could there possibly be a more strained, obnoxiously contrived setup for this "joke"? Misdirection is one thing. This is outright "forced to use words no human would ever speak in this context" idiocy, and in service of what?
Pepto Operator: "Pepto-Bismol! Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diar-rhea!"
Pepto really relishes the last part of that, don't they? Also, this makes it appear that these are all products they sell. "Yeah, can you guys track that package of diarrhea I ordered? It was supposed to be here on Wednesday."
Woman: "Yes, I want to know if we're covered."
Pepto-Bismol: not insurance. As far as I can tell, it hasn't been trying to position itself as insurance in its ads (feel free to correct me if I've missed one). Therefore, this? Stupid.
Woman: "Last night, Rex got into everything."
At this point, the camera pans down to the dog in her lap. She looks at the dog as she says it. Rex is the dog.
Pepto Operator: "What did Rex ingest, Ma'am?"
And here's where things really start to make no sense. So, I think it's pretty clear from his tone of voice that the guy thinks Rex is a dog, right? And he should. Because the phrase "got into everything" is not one that any human being would ever use to describe another, and because he probably hears the dog whines on the other end of the line.
Woman: "Chips, tapioca, ice cream, leftover moo shu and, of course, dog treats."
Of course! Because Rex is a dog.
Pepto Operator: "I'm sorry, Miss, we don't cover dogs."
Ooh, the old "Ma'am-to-Miss" slap-down! That's what you get for calling about a dog, lady! Even though it was obvious that this guy thought Rex was a dog. Why did you even let her keep talking after she said Rex? Anyway, this is classic bad-joke setup - like a guy walking into a bar with his supposed talking dog, and the bartender wants to kick them out unless the guy can prove that the dog talks. But wait! This is no ordinary dog! Get ready for the biggest shocker ending since Seven's head in the box:
Woman: "Oh... no, Charlie is my dog. Rex is my husband."
"I just talk about him like he's a dog! And seem to think nothing of the fact that he eats dog treats, apparently with some regularity!" Come on, what? Could that setup possibly have been any more forced? This is like the joke I mentioned above, only if it went like this:
"A man walks into a bar with his dog. 'Hey, two beers, one for me and one for my furry friend here.'
'We don't allow dogs in this bar,' says the bartender.
'What? This isn't a dog, it's just my friend Jeff,' says the man.
'Hi,' says Jeff."
My sides!
Voice-Over: "Whatever your stomach problem, Pepto keeps you covered. Pepto-Bismol: Yup, you're covered!"
Thanks for saying functionally the same thing twice in four seconds.
Here's how this ad goes if the people in it talk like humans:
Woman: Last night my husband ate everything in sight. He even ate dog treats!
Operator: Sorry to hear that, Ma'am. Some Pepto should clear him right up.
Woman: Say, why the fuck am I calling the Pepto hotline when everyone knows what symptoms your product works on?
When the punchline to your joke is so lame that you have to mask it in a layer of subterfuge just to get to a point where it could even conceivably seem like a form of humor, you have failed. Still, I'm sure we can all be thankful that the guy just ate dog treats, and not brownies laced with horse laxative.
Could there possibly be a more strained, obnoxiously contrived setup for this "joke"? Misdirection is one thing. This is outright "forced to use words no human would ever speak in this context" idiocy, and in service of what?
Pepto Operator: "Pepto-Bismol! Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diar-rhea!"
Pepto really relishes the last part of that, don't they? Also, this makes it appear that these are all products they sell. "Yeah, can you guys track that package of diarrhea I ordered? It was supposed to be here on Wednesday."
Woman: "Yes, I want to know if we're covered."
Pepto-Bismol: not insurance. As far as I can tell, it hasn't been trying to position itself as insurance in its ads (feel free to correct me if I've missed one). Therefore, this? Stupid.
Woman: "Last night, Rex got into everything."
At this point, the camera pans down to the dog in her lap. She looks at the dog as she says it. Rex is the dog.
Pepto Operator: "What did Rex ingest, Ma'am?"
And here's where things really start to make no sense. So, I think it's pretty clear from his tone of voice that the guy thinks Rex is a dog, right? And he should. Because the phrase "got into everything" is not one that any human being would ever use to describe another, and because he probably hears the dog whines on the other end of the line.
Woman: "Chips, tapioca, ice cream, leftover moo shu and, of course, dog treats."
Of course! Because Rex is a dog.
Pepto Operator: "I'm sorry, Miss, we don't cover dogs."
Ooh, the old "Ma'am-to-Miss" slap-down! That's what you get for calling about a dog, lady! Even though it was obvious that this guy thought Rex was a dog. Why did you even let her keep talking after she said Rex? Anyway, this is classic bad-joke setup - like a guy walking into a bar with his supposed talking dog, and the bartender wants to kick them out unless the guy can prove that the dog talks. But wait! This is no ordinary dog! Get ready for the biggest shocker ending since Seven's head in the box:
Woman: "Oh... no, Charlie is my dog. Rex is my husband."
"I just talk about him like he's a dog! And seem to think nothing of the fact that he eats dog treats, apparently with some regularity!" Come on, what? Could that setup possibly have been any more forced? This is like the joke I mentioned above, only if it went like this:
"A man walks into a bar with his dog. 'Hey, two beers, one for me and one for my furry friend here.'
'We don't allow dogs in this bar,' says the bartender.
'What? This isn't a dog, it's just my friend Jeff,' says the man.
'Hi,' says Jeff."
My sides!
Voice-Over: "Whatever your stomach problem, Pepto keeps you covered. Pepto-Bismol: Yup, you're covered!"
Thanks for saying functionally the same thing twice in four seconds.
Here's how this ad goes if the people in it talk like humans:
Woman: Last night my husband ate everything in sight. He even ate dog treats!
Operator: Sorry to hear that, Ma'am. Some Pepto should clear him right up.
Woman: Say, why the fuck am I calling the Pepto hotline when everyone knows what symptoms your product works on?
When the punchline to your joke is so lame that you have to mask it in a layer of subterfuge just to get to a point where it could even conceivably seem like a form of humor, you have failed. Still, I'm sure we can all be thankful that the guy just ate dog treats, and not brownies laced with horse laxative.
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