Can we please stop doing this?

Please, Milky Way. I'm begging you.



Just to annoy everyone, here's the full text of that awful little poem:

"This is no impulse
My yearning for your comfort began hours ago
But for the cashier's sake, let's be coy
Let's pretend like this was all spontaneous
'Oh, pleasure to meet you, caramel'"

FUCK. OFF.

This is the second of these ads I'm aware of - i.e., ads where Sally Kellerman is apparently twenty seconds from cramming a Milky Way into her vagina - and it's also the second one to refer to Milky Ways as "comfort." Buy a fucking thesaurus. Then hit yourselves over the head with it and forget you ever thought it was a good idea to make a series of commercials comparing your candy product to a lover. It's horrifying.

Alternately, maybe every food product should try this.

Milk
You do a body good
If you were a person, I bet you'd do my body good
I mean that in a sexual way
Like we'd have really hot sex
I think I'm going to stick my dick into the carton right now
Milk.

No, I'm going to stick with "horrifying."

No, it's Snickers that satisfies you.

Where, exactly, is Sally Kellerman planning to put that Milky Way? And do you take it out of the wrapper for something like that?