Periodic Fable

If you're going to make up something and pretend it's vaguely scientific, you might at least want to consult with someone who passed ninth-grade chemistry class:



The Human Element. Okay, I get the concept, the "human element" is something you should take into consideration when evaluating things, especially business. But the Human Element, in this commercial, is shown as the 8th element in the periodic table. Now, as any high schooler who's ever glanced up at the chalkboard during science class will tell you, the 8th element is oxygen. Not Humanium, or whatever. It's funny because they're obviously aware of the existence of oxygen, since they mention in the ad that water is "hydrogen bonding with oxygen." And yet they refuse to look at a periodic table. How sloppy is this concept?

The rest of this commercial is just a litany of elements, without saying anything about Dow or what it is or what it sells. Can I stop by my local Dow retailer on my way home from work? Could I pick up a couple of cans of Dow at the grocery store this weekend? What the hell is this company?

Dow Chemical is a company that manufactures plastics and performance chemicals and the like (by the way, Dow.com shows the fictional element "Hu" as element 52 - this is also wrong, the 52nd element is Tellurium [Te].) Why do behind-the-scenes companies like Dow bother spending the money to advertise? And advertise so ineffectively? Do you see commercial spots for Procter & Gamble? No, you see commercials for the crap they make - Tide, Charmin, Pringles.

Show me a commercial for one of your products, Dow - maybe I would watch it. What I won't watch? Poorly-conceived, vaguely-smart-sounding-but-ultimately-stupid ads for a company a consumer has no relationship with.

By the way, Dow, element 119 (not yet actually discovered), needs a permanent name. You could have the first-ever corporate-sponsored element. And luckily, "Hu" isn't taken yet! Get on it!