Friday, September 9, 2011

Worst threesome ever

Oh, the awkwardness of high school reunions. Being forced to make small talk with people you haven't seen in decades... getting hit on by old classmates who are like totally bald now... having old friends surreptitiously unzip your clothes... you know, all the normal stuff.



I think there's a reason we don't normally see Coldwater Creek ads on television.

Man: "Sooo... are you seeing anyone?"
Woman: "I'm married."


Boom! In your face, guy! Guy who has not at all been calculatedly paired to make this already quite-attractive-for-her-mid-40s woman look even better than she does by virtue of being balding and awkward!

Man: "Oh!"
Woman: "Yeah."
Man: "Lucky fella."
Woman: *chuckles patronizingly*


Why is either of them still standing there at this point? Really, why was this entire first exchange even necessary, other than to fill time?

Woman 2: "Oh, my - Jennifer?"
Woman: "Elizabeth?"


"We're wearing nametags that identify us, so I'm not sure why we sound so shocked."

Woman 2: "You look amazing! And this dress, wow! It is so good to see you!"

Then, while distracting Woman 1 with her uncomfortably long hug and thoroughly pat small talk, Woman 2 fucking unzips Woman 1's dress so she can look at the tag to see what brand it is.

I mean, this isn't a thing that happens, right? No one would ever do this. And why would they? You could, you know, ASK WHAT BRAND THE DRESS IS. The person who bought it is right in front of you. Or is that an etiquette faux pas? Even if it is, is it more of an etiquette faux pas than unzipping someone's clothes while they're wearing them? I say no!

And then Woman 2 just walks away without saying anything else, while the guy stands there with a look on his face suggesting he's totally going to be using that hug as the starting point for some furious masturbation in his lonely Holiday Inn Express room later that night.

I guess the ad does an okay job of getting the brand across by the way it just plops it on the screen at the end there, but really this whole thing is just forced and uncomfortable, to say nothing of the fact that it seems like it was pulled directly from an unaired sitcom pilot from the year 1997. The overall pitch - "Hey, 40-something ladies, prepare to wow everyone at your 25th high school reunion" - makes sense enough, but could it have been executed more questionably? I doubt it.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good to have you back, great post!

ConstruX NunchuX said...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! For real.

Anonymous said...

Clearly, he's waiting to drop a ruffie since the "politely asking" option was rejected. Look at him stare a hole in the cup at :20.