Saturday, April 17, 2010

I'm lovin' being an antisocial jackass

Fun fact: I don't know anyone who likes this commercial.

I can honestly say I don't have the slightest idea what McDonald's was thinking with this one. I know in the last post I talked about going for "funny" characters at the expense of "likable" characters, but this guy isn't funny and it's not clear to me that McDonald's is really trying to be funny. It just thinks... well, I don't know what.

Roommate: "Hey dude, you gotta-"
Asshole: "Please, don't even talk to me until I've had my coffee."
Roommate: "Okay..."

Fun fact: they sell coffee in stores. They sell coffee machines in stores. If you're an enormous douchebag until you've had coffee, consider brewing some yourself before you leave the house. Also, is this the first time this ever happened? You'd think the guy's roommate, at least, would know the drill by now.

Neighbor: "Oh, hey, Tim, how's it-"
Asshole: "Sorry, I haven't had my coffee yet."
Dog: [barks]
Asshole: "No."

If dog speak could be translated, I'm pretty sure that dog would be saying "Fuck you."

Woman on Bus: "Morning!"
Asshole: [stares, but at least manages not to say anything obnoxious]

There are like eleven million McDonald's on the planet and like fifteen million places to get Starbucks. Why the fuck has this asshole not just gone and gotten some fucking coffee yet?

McDonald's employee: "Welcome to McDonald's! Can I interest you in a-"
Asshole: "Not before I've had my coffee."

Okay, officially, WHAT THE FUCK. Who the fuck is this fucking asshole and why is he the centerpiece of a commercial? Hey, douchebag: WHY DID YOU EVEN GO INTO THE MCDONALD'S??? I assume you knew they had coffee there, and I saw you just looking at the menu - WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? Order some coffee or shut the fuck up, you fucking knob.

McDonald's employee: "-premium roast coffee for just a dollar?"
Asshole: "Talk to me!"

He looks surprised. Seriously, why were you in there at all? There is only one reason why you'd go into a McDonald's while in an "I can't talk to anyone until I've had coffee!" stupor, and that is to get some fucking coffee. This guy's an asshole and an idiot.

After taking one sip of coffee he then proceeds to talk to multiple people on the sidewalk. They walk right past him, and they should, because he's an asshole. I love the triumphant music McDonald's plays during the coffee-pouring shot like they're really pleased with themselves. "Hey, caffeine zombies! Have we got the place for you!" If you're not just trying to be hilarious (and really, even if you are), shouldn't your ad's main character be trying to stand in for your customers in some way? Who would want to think of themselves as this kind of jackass? "Oh yeah, ha ha, that's totally me! God, I'm such an annoying asshole. Well, time to hook this IV of coffee to my vein lest I fail to have caffeine for ten seconds and start to snap!"

Not to get all preachy, by the way, but does it seem odd that you can have a commercial like this, where a character is basically saying "Sorry, I need my morning injection of drugs in order to function properly?" That's called habituation, people, and it indicates that maybe this douche should consider cutting back his caffeine intake just slightly.

Just as an aside: here, via a video I found on YouTube while searching for this ad, is what would happen if anyone behaved like this in real life. Yet more proof that everyone hates this ad.


Anonymous said...

The version of this I have seen if different. In it, he talks to the woman on the bus and says "not until I've had my coffee".

capewood said...

I guess a lot of people say that they can't function until they have their coffee in the morning and I guess McD's was trying to exaggerate that for some kind of effect. But like you say, what was the effect? Because the commercial sure isn't funny.

Joe S. said...

Not that realism is the goal with this commercial, but that sip would've BURNED THE FUCK out of his tongue. Fast food coffee is stupid hot when they give it to you.

Anonymous said...

So Intel seems to have been airing this ad more...I don't even remember it from the Superbowl.

What irks me about it is that the thing it's advertising doesn't follow the examples from the two characters' past.

1. Video games = physically playing them.

2. E-mail = send an email to someone, get a response.

3. Wireless internet = as shown, no wires, but still surfing.

4. Boosting performance automatically = take the dude's word for it.

Maybe if he had two computers side by side doing the same thing, then it could be compared. As it stands, it's two dudes staring at a laptop while one says it's boosting performance, and the other's brain seems to short out because it's so exciting.

Secondly, the second dude is pretty annoying in every time period, why would this guy still be hanging with him, especially at Intel? Guy #2 seems like he wouldn't be able to get a job there.

Anonymous said...

Maybe he's pissed because the film crew did such a poor job of makeup. Don't you see the tool's lipstick and 'subtle' eyeliner in the restaurant scene? He's pissed because he's a David Spade lookalike minus the fame, and the neckscruff ain't helping.