Saturday, February 13, 2010

A tradition more annoying than any other

How do you make a bad ad campaign worse? Try to get "edgy."

This ad is, obviously, online only. What kills me is that it's referred to as a "banned Super Bowl commercial" by KGB. I mean, I guess it was banned... in the same way that, say, the orgy scene from Caligula was banned from the Super Bowl. Most likely this ad wasn't submitted at all, since KGB cannot possibly have been under the impression it could air on television, or even if it was submitted, it was only so they could call it "banned!" and "too hot for TV!" after its entirely inevitable rejection. But wow, if it was banned from the Super Bowl... that means it must be totally hilarious in a risqué fashion. Right?

KGB Douche: "We got a call?"
Woman 1: "It's my husband."
KGB Woman: "What happened?"
Woman 1: "We were in the pro shop, he and Bob were discussing global warming, and..."

Cut to an hilarious shot of a guy bent all the way around...

KGB Douche: "He's got his head up his ass."

*spit take* Bahahaha! Hilarious! Not at all a joke that is decades old at best. Also, global warming? It would almost be worth 99 cents to see what answer KGB could possibly give to "Is global warming real?" Even actual scientists don't seem to be 100% in agreement on this point.

Woman 1: "Not the first time."
KGB Woman: "Sir, are you all right in there?"
Guy: "Who said that?"
KGB Douche: "Now who's Bob?"
Woman 2: "My husband. Over there."

Guess what? He's also got his head up his ass! ROFL!

KGB Douche: "Next time your husbands don't have a clue, make sure they text KGB first."

So... neither of them had a clue? How exactly had this debate been going?

Unnamed Husband: "Global warming is real! It's harming the planet!"
Bob: "Oh yeah? Prove it, jerk!"
Unnamed Husband: "See, there's pollution, right? And the pollution goes in the water, polar bears eat it, they die, and their rotting corpses drive up the planet's temperature!"
Bob: "You idiot! Nuclear waste gets stored in cooling towers! It makes everything colder!"

If neither person has a clue in a debate, it no longer matters.

KGB Douche: "Always know what you're talking about. Text your questions to 542542."

"Don't bother doing any significant research on the major scientific topics that you'd like to discuss. Just text KGB and get an answer that fits into 120 characters on your cell phone." I don't know, KGB. Couldn't you dumb things down a little more? I want an answer about global warming that would fit inside a fortune cookie!

Guy [putting]: "It's in the hole!"

And one last cheap ass joke, just for good measure. I would have added a sarcastic *rimshot* there, but KGB would have assumed I was playing along with the theme.


Quivering P. Landmass said...

According to Wikipedia, KGB "Agents" earn 10 cents per completed answer. If there's somebody out there who can give a cogent, irrefutable answer to a question about global warming, he should earn a LOT more than a dime.

Also, looks like they switched out the KGB Agent actress in this spot. Or maybe I just can't tell from the over-the-top golf outfits they're wearing.

Anonymous said...

I use KGB all the time. They're great!

John said...

Wow, that takes the "dumb husband" commercial to a new level! I just wrote a post about "dumb husband/smart wife" Valentine's Day commercials. There's no shortage of material.

Windier E. Megatons said...

Dumb husband/smart wife - or even just dumb husband/"straight man" wife - is pretty much the go-to for half the commercials on TV these days that pitch themselves at anyone over 30. At least they, unlike Dodge, seem to know where their bread is buttered.

Allan said...

KGB is beyond despicable. and they really should be saving their money, rather than blowing it on these ads. that business model is not sustainable.

it's called google

Anonymous said...

Get answers, not links.

Anonymous said...

Only $0.99 to answer any question? That sounds like a good deal to me. Fast and easy for those who don't have a computer available 24/7.

Windier E. Megatons said...

Wow, fully three KGB spams pretending to be legitimate-yet-anonymous comments on this post? Business must be booming.

capewood said...

You totally nailed the two sides of the global warming debate. Wow!

Tyler said...

I actually did see this on cable yesterday. Ugh.