The shark, she is jumped

I apologize for the quality of this next commercial. Also, the person recording it shot their TV, so the video doesn't look that great.



I suppose something like this was inevitable; the Simpsons were doing commercial tie-ins within a year or two of their launch, and Family Guy has now been on the air for five or six seasons (inexplicably). But what is going on at Subway? You've got a new enormous sandwich, which I assume is probably not the best thing on your menu (although I rather conveniently can't find the nutrition facts on the Subway website). And who do you select to pitch this sandwich? A fat, lazy cartoon character - virtually the opposite of your target demographic. Hey, is it too late to get Jabba the Hutt to do a spot? "Peesha ya chee konah Subway Restaurants... ha ha ha..."

But wait! There's also a tie-in game! And a list of character bios! Including the favorite Subway sandwiches of all the major cast members! Because nothing makes me hungry for the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki like knowing it's the favorite sandwich of a wise-cracking talking dog. I also enjoy that they included the Herbert character in the cast bio section; naturally, no mention is made of the fact that the entire joke of that character is that he's a pedophile. Pedophiles love the roast beef sandwich! You'd think someone at Subway would actually have watched the show before approving the ad campaign.

I suppose with Family Guy prominently involved we could have done a lot worse. For example, it's amazing that the commercial didn't feature (a) Stewie shouting something about victory; (b) Lois saying "Pete-ahhh" in that nasally voice of hers; (c) Quagmire saying "Giggidy giggidy" and bobbing his head; (d) Peter fighting a chicken; or (e) a reference to Star Trek, Star Wars, Diff'rent Strokes, Knight Rider, and/or the Kool-Aid Man. In fact, this post contains more references to Star Wars than that ad did. Touché, Family Guy.

It's craptastic

If the Comcast Triple Play is such a great deal, how is it possible that Spider-Dork never thought of it? "Oh, I've just been paying twice as much for subpar service... Comcast, you say? Brilliant!" I guess he doesn't have the proportionate financial sense of a spider. Who picks a roommate on the basis of their choice of cable company anyway? "So... according to this police file, you have a severe heroin addiction and you're wanted for questioning in three murders. I don't really think that... wait, did you say the Comcast Triple Play? Why did I waste money on a background check? You've got the apartment!"

Here's the weird part of this commercial: this is supposed to be promoting the Spider-Man movie? Who sees the weirdo in the suit with the homemade webbing and thinks, "Now that's the movie for me!" I mean, it's not like you're tying in with Shrek or something inherently goofy. This is like one of those Arby's ads that are cross-promoting the new Die Hard movie, except if they all featured a guy with a shaved head going, "Look at me, I'm John McClane! Yippee-ki-yay, bad guys! I just saved the day - that means you get this popcorn chicken!"