The herpes of liqueurs

This one isn't new, but I just found the video on YouTube, so how could I resist?



Let's see if we can find the many, many problems here.

Bartender: "Disaronno sour, Disaronno martini."

Last time I checked, Disaronno was a brand of amaretto. Fun fact: martinis are made with gin or, if you have to be that way, vodka. Among the many things that real martinis are not made with: amaretto.

Woman: "Disaronno on the rocks."
Bartender [impressed and/or aroused for no discernible reason]: "Disaronno on the rocks, coming up."

"Whoa, you're drinking amaretto with nothing but ice? You must be some kind of connoisseur! Also, even though I've apparently been pouring nothing but Disaronno all night, your request for it has given me a serious rod."

Voice-over [creepily seductive]: "Disaronno's warm and sensual taste makes you wish it would never end."

I... guess? It's fucking amaretto. You can get amaretto flavoring poured right into your coffee these days, and even in the middle of Milano cookies. So it's right up there with mint and orange among flavors of true distinction.

I don't even know how this got past the censors, since the end of the ad features the most thinly-veiled blow job reference in commercial history, with the woman killing her glass in about four seconds and then sucking every last drop of amaretto off the ice cubes. Lady, I think you may have a drinking problem. But just in case you thought the ad wasn't entirely about sex, your tagline:

Voice-over [much more firmly]: "Disaronno. Pass the pleasure around."

Get wiped on amaretto and fuck your peer group! I know the kids have all these terms I'm not familiar with, but I didn't think that "pleasure" was the new slang for "genital warts."

Historical Hate: Chunky Chips Ahoy

Maybe I'm taking it a bit too seriously, but this commercial really insults my intelligence.



1. Does the cookie not know that he's a Chunky Chips Ahoy? That's ridiculous. He obviously would know that he was, and therefore it makes no sense to think that he would hear "Monkey Chips Ahoy" instead, much less that he would refer to himself that way.

2. The idea of someone mishearing "monkey" for "chunky" is plenty stupid in and of itself. And what, they didn't even have a script on this thing? He had to learn all his lines by hearing them? And he heard them wrong every time?

3. Given that the director knows the singer has the wrong words, why does he let him get most of the way through the song?

4. Where did the monkeys even come from? The singer appears to be the only one who doesn't know that it's "Chunky," and he surely would not be in charge of animal wrangling on the set.

All that doesn't even get into how annoying the song is, much less the horror of the slogan "It's a whole lotta yum." Go to hell, Chips Ahoy.