Mistress Joyce's Ford Dealership

We try to stay away from local ads on this site, mostly because it's just not fair to pick on the little guys when there's so much bad advertising being created by Fortune 500 companies. But sometimes a commercial comes along that's so laughably stupid that we just can't stay away. Check out the link below (and you can probably guess which local market this is for based on the accent alone):

Click here for video (embedding disabled)

Maureen Joyce: At Joyce Ford, accessories come free of charge.

Note: In the following commercial, "accessories" apparently means grown men.

Hey ladies, how's this for an incentive. If you're looking for something sporty, how 'bout takin' Johnny (shows cheesy white guy in a Mustang) for a ride?

So a car dealership is forced to do double duty by selling both cars and male prostitutes. Damn this recession! And it's a sad day indeed when a gigolo airlifted out of a John Hughes movie can't even afford a shirt to match his stylin' grey/black tracksuit.

Maureen Joyce: Want something big and tough? Then you want Bruce (shows bearded white guy in an Explorer SUV).

When I think "big and tough," I think of a man with the name of "Bruce." Does Maureen Joyce realize that she's referring to her cars by the made-up names of average looking male actors? This seems like a curious approach in the worst car sales environment in decades.

Maureen Joyce: How about something environmentally friendly? How 'bout Mario (shows skinny black guy in a hybrid)?

If a blind person were listening to this ad, he would be really confused right about now. I fail to see what's environmentally friendly about Mario. Because he has glasses? Because he looks generally put-together? Because he gives us an awkward thumbs-up? Why pick the one non-white actor in your commercial to play the environmentally friendly guy?

Maureen Joyce: My type is practical and reliable, so I prefer James (shows douchey college guy in a Fusion).

First of all, Mario looks way more like the embodiment of practicality and reliability. Secondly, James is a little young for you, Mrs. Joyce.

Maureen Joyce: No matter what your style, Joyce Ford has something for you.

"Unless your style is women. We don't carry that. You'll have to go across the street to the Toyota dealership -- they sell cars to straight men and lesbians."

Joyce Ford - The Better Half of Car Buying

Is there a sentence in the English language that better demonstrates the stereotypical Chicago accent than this slogan?

Maureen Joyce really wants an all-female clientele, seems like. I understand having the angle of "buy from me because I know how women want to buy cars," but to have a commercial like this that just makes men want to throw up? Maybe not the best approach, especially in this economy.