You know what I like a lot? Cheese. I really, really enjoy cheese. Swiss, cheddar, parmesan, provolone... cheese is pretty awesome.
You know what I don't like? This presentation of it:
First of all, "Melt With You" was used in a Burger King commercial, like, ten years ago. Am I saying that it can never be used in another ad again? Well, the fact that I remember the BK ad means it was probably fairly memorable (although, granted, I co-write this blog so I probably remember ads longer than most people). So yes. Yes, I am saying that.
More importantly, is it me or is this commercial really kind of disgusting? I just can't see those people stretching that cheese to hideous lengths without thinking of some sort of mucus is being pulled out of their mouths. Honestly, I can't even watch this thing anymore. And what kind of name is "Cheesy Beefy Melt"? Did the CEO's five-year-old daughter come up with that one? "Cheesy" is one thing. "Beefy" is not an adjective I have ever heard applied to food, except in those old Beefaroni commercials that annoyed me even as a kid. "Beefy" is used to describe heavyset guys, not food I'm planning on consuming. This is probably top five worst names for a fast food item ever.
Also, I think the whole "cautionary fine print" craze is going a bit too far when we need a "Professional skateboarders! Do not attempt!" warning for a shot that simply has skateboarders in it. As pointed out in the YouTube comments for the video, what exactly is anyone in that shot doing? Going down a couple steps, and while wearing appropriate safety gear? Oh NO! You would have to be crazy to try a stunt like that! By the way, I didn't even notice there was any skateboarding in that shot until the comments mentioned it. But I appreciate how zealous the Taco Bell lawyers are, inserting that text just in case some kid is watching the backgrounds of commercials looking for unsafe things to attempt. I get the feeling eating a couple Cheesy Beefy Melts is way more problematic for your body than falling off a skateboard while wearing a helmet and kneepads.
Showing posts with label arteriosclerosis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label arteriosclerosis. Show all posts
Friday, October 19, 2007
Monday, August 6, 2007
Arteriopsychosis
This commercial makes me ill.
No, what makes me ill is not the opening twelve seconds, featuring middle-aged men's heads pasted onto young women's bodies, shrieking at an unseen celebrity. That's pretty awful, don't get me wrong, but it's where things go from there.
Announcer: "Obsessing over celebrity, that's wrong. Unless that celebrity is bacon."
First of all, bacon is not a person, therefore it's not a "celebrity." Second of all, while there are many people with unhealthy obsessions with celebrities, few of them are so literally unhealthly as an obsession with bacon would be. But do continue.
Announcer: "Introducing the Baconator from Wendy's! Six strips of bacon-"
All right, just stop right there. Six strips of bacon. Six motherfucking strips of greasy fried pork, dumped on top of what is already a two-patty hamburger with cheese. I can't believe there's a place that has the nerve to sell this. Ready for some nutrition facts?
Baconator: 276 g weight; 830 calories; 51 g fat; 170 mg cholesterol; 1920 mg sodium.
Sweet Jesus. Well, who can compete with that? The worst burger on McDonalds' standard menu, the double Quarter Pounder with cheese, has nearly 100 fewer calories, 9 fewer grams of fat, less cholesterol, and more than 500 fewer mg of sodium. Burger King has Wendy's beat if you get a Triple Whopper, but the Triple Whopper also weighs almost 200 grams more than the Baconator. In other words, there's really no other way to get something so horrible in such a small package.
Obsess over bacon? That's really how they're going to promote this? Obsess. Obsess over a horrible, fat-laden, salted meat product that will fucking kill you if you eat it like a pig. Why is this okay? They can't run cigarette ads on TV, and even alcohol ads have to pay lip service to personal responsibility by encouraging the viewer to "drink responsibly." So how do fast food chains keep getting away with stuff like this? Haven't we reached a point yet where people should be forcing Wendy's to stick a graphic on the screen saying how many calories their Fibrillator - sorry, Baconator - contains?
I'm all for personal responsibility, but a commercial like this is the food equivalent of a commercial showing a guy chugging four cans of beer and then going, "Ahh, Budweiser!" You'd never see that on television, so what's Wendys' excuse? I'm getting a tiny tongue-in-cheek vibe, but it's not nearly evident enough. And anyway, they're selling this monstrosity, so it's not like they don't want you to consume hideous amounts of bacon. They want you to cram bacon and beef and cheese into your face, and they would love it if you did so on a daily basis, or even more frequently. They know how bad this shit is for you, but they don't care. They've posted the nutrition facts, so they've done their job - never mind that merely offering such a product is completely disgusting. The "this is why Americans are fat" tag has never been so aptly deployed.
No, what makes me ill is not the opening twelve seconds, featuring middle-aged men's heads pasted onto young women's bodies, shrieking at an unseen celebrity. That's pretty awful, don't get me wrong, but it's where things go from there.
Announcer: "Obsessing over celebrity, that's wrong. Unless that celebrity is bacon."
First of all, bacon is not a person, therefore it's not a "celebrity." Second of all, while there are many people with unhealthy obsessions with celebrities, few of them are so literally unhealthly as an obsession with bacon would be. But do continue.
Announcer: "Introducing the Baconator from Wendy's! Six strips of bacon-"
All right, just stop right there. Six strips of bacon. Six motherfucking strips of greasy fried pork, dumped on top of what is already a two-patty hamburger with cheese. I can't believe there's a place that has the nerve to sell this. Ready for some nutrition facts?
Baconator: 276 g weight; 830 calories; 51 g fat; 170 mg cholesterol; 1920 mg sodium.
Sweet Jesus. Well, who can compete with that? The worst burger on McDonalds' standard menu, the double Quarter Pounder with cheese, has nearly 100 fewer calories, 9 fewer grams of fat, less cholesterol, and more than 500 fewer mg of sodium. Burger King has Wendy's beat if you get a Triple Whopper, but the Triple Whopper also weighs almost 200 grams more than the Baconator. In other words, there's really no other way to get something so horrible in such a small package.
Obsess over bacon? That's really how they're going to promote this? Obsess. Obsess over a horrible, fat-laden, salted meat product that will fucking kill you if you eat it like a pig. Why is this okay? They can't run cigarette ads on TV, and even alcohol ads have to pay lip service to personal responsibility by encouraging the viewer to "drink responsibly." So how do fast food chains keep getting away with stuff like this? Haven't we reached a point yet where people should be forcing Wendy's to stick a graphic on the screen saying how many calories their Fibrillator - sorry, Baconator - contains?
I'm all for personal responsibility, but a commercial like this is the food equivalent of a commercial showing a guy chugging four cans of beer and then going, "Ahh, Budweiser!" You'd never see that on television, so what's Wendys' excuse? I'm getting a tiny tongue-in-cheek vibe, but it's not nearly evident enough. And anyway, they're selling this monstrosity, so it's not like they don't want you to consume hideous amounts of bacon. They want you to cram bacon and beef and cheese into your face, and they would love it if you did so on a daily basis, or even more frequently. They know how bad this shit is for you, but they don't care. They've posted the nutrition facts, so they've done their job - never mind that merely offering such a product is completely disgusting. The "this is why Americans are fat" tag has never been so aptly deployed.
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