Sucklicious

Guess who's back?



More Naomi Campbell and CGIed lizards? I mean, was it that successful and/or thrillicious? We have the same bad actress that nobody likes (by the way, if you're a celebrity and E! doesn't approve of you, you have a problem), the same stupid lizards (but this time they've got costumes on!) and the same general sense of pointless overproduction.

What's Naomi Campbell's motivation for joyfully carousing with a lounge of lizards? Some weird lizard fetish? Is the lizard kiss supposed to be funny, or sexy, or... I just don't understand how I'm supposed to react to it. It's unsettling to say the least. The tropical beach background, the lilting sounds of Santana, the self-serious expression on Campbell's face when she kisses the lizard -- it all points to a very genuine portrayal of supermodel-lizard sexual attraction.

New delicious flavors for summer -- Life Water. Thrillicious

Since this ad doesn't use "Thriller," why are we going back to Thrillicious? Why not "BlackMagicWoman-icious"? "Carlos Santanicious"? Also, this doesn't even tell you what the flavors are. Or anything about the product. They rely a little too heavily on hoping Naomi Campbell+animated lizards will resonate with people, and not just remind them of Geico. I wonder how much car insurance sales have gone up since this campaign started.

I had hoped, desperately, that we'd seen the last of dancing lizards commercials. But I think now we're in for a long ride. Somebody over at SoBe must just be over the moon with this whole concept. Next up: "Life Water After Dark" -- new flavors to put you in the mood, with an ad featuring our favorite, laugh-a-minute lizards fertilizing freshly laid eggs by Naomi Campbell. If you can't move product by showing in vitro human-lizard hybrids, then you don't deserve to be in the ad business.